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my boyfriend left a bruise on me but i hit him back ?

Ive been with my boyfriend for almost 4 years now and have recently moved in with him..he is loving and caring at time. He has never touched me before its only been in the last year or so our fight have gotten out of hand. When we fight he gets really angry and starts swearing and telling me im crazy. I dont swear and ive dont him that it really hurts when he talks to me like that. Ive tried to get used to it but its really hard. Just recently we have had 2 big fights. The first one was when i just moved in with him i got in the way to stop him from leaving and he grabbed my arms to move me out of the way leaving a small bruise. He told me he was sorry and that it would never happen again he cried when he saw the bruise and told me that i cant get in his way when hes that angry and that i should just let him leave. The second fight things between us were going so so well and we hadnt had a big arguememt in ages but it happened just last night. We got into a huge arguement he start swearing at me as usually and went to walk out i followed him and stop infront of him at the door. He grabbed me again to move me but i wouldnt move. He grabbed harder and i grabbed onto his shirt telling him that he was hurting me. He just kept trying to yank me out of the way and kept telling me to get the eff out of the way. It was so sore the i ended up letting go and punching him to stop him from holding me. Ive never punched him before but it happened. After that he let go and left to the bedroom. But his parents heard and stopped it from continuing. His mum asked him if he hit me and he said no but he hurt my arm. When his dad calmed him down he came back and told me how sorry he was.. i forgive him and we were ok after that but today i had to hide my arm so no one would see it. Which ive never had to do in my life. And everytime i look at the bruise i just wanna cry. This time its really big. He hasnt even asked to see it. I asked him why and he said he doesnt want to see what hes done. Which makes me feel like he just wants to forget it. I realised he said sorry but he never said what he was going to do about it. I asked him tonight and we got into another fight because he said i shouldnt get in his way or make him that angry and that i should just leave if i cant handle that he cant promise itll never happen again. Im scared to let it go because what if this is just the beginning. But im also scared to loose him. What should i do? Its it my fualt as well as his ?

Re: my boyfriend left a bruise on me but i hit him back ?

Hi @rose94, that sounds like a really scary situation to be in and you're brave for speaking up about it. It is not ok for your boyfriend to grab you so hard in anger that it leaves a bruise and requires self-defense to make him let go. It's not ok that he blamed his actions on your for making him angry. Please know that this is not your fault. We have some information on steps you can take when you're experiencing abuse in a relationship, and the one I'd recommend first is getting in touch with 1800 RESPECT. They have counsellors available 24/7 who specialise in violence and understand how confusing and upsetting it can be. I hope you will take the next step and reach out to them.

Re: my boyfriend left a bruise on me but i hit him back ?

Hi @rose94 I'm so sorry to hear this has happened, I can't offer much I'm sorry, but just here to let you know that it is totally not your fault and not ok that this happened. Please have a look at the links ElleBelle has given you.
Jay.
//You can stay afraid, or slit the throat of fear and be brave//

Re: my boyfriend left a bruise on me but i hit him back ?

Hi @rose94, thanks for sharing your story with us. That took a lot of strength to tell your story and your strength will help countless others in the same situation who aren't yet able to speak up. Thank you.

 

I would like to echo the comments above and say it is not ok that you are made to feel this way by your partner and his behaviour is certainly not your fault. This type of behaviour is not something you should ever have to 'get used to', though the behaviour can be difficult to both see objectively and break out of. Please know that you do not deserve to be in a relationship where you feel unsafe. I also encourage you to use the links @ElleBelle provided. This article may also assist you.

 

Take care of yourself and keep reaching out for help.

Re: my boyfriend left a bruise on me but i hit him back ?

Hey @rose94, ellebelle's link to 1800 respect should be very helpful, there are an amazing resource for victims of domestic violence. Relationships can be abusive physically and emotionally. If you are hurt physically, and then lead to believe that this is your fault, both boxes are being ticked. It's important to remember that this is not At all your fault. I'm so sorry this has happened to you, and it may be really worth while getting in contact with an org that specifically deals with violence for even more tips and plans for future situations. Is there somewhere else you can live when these things occur? Maybe time out of your boyfriend's place can help clear your mind after these fights temporarily?
we are what we repeatedly do - aristotle

Re: my boyfriend left a bruise on me but i hit him back ?

Hi @rose94 .. I never thought I would get onto an online forum like this but reading your story to help me understand my experience made me want to reach out too.. I went through the same thing. My boyfriend would get angry and leave bruises all over my body. He was always sorry and said it would stop but really it just kept getting worse. He blames me for him doing what he did to me and tells me I was crazy too. Its been really hard but I eventually left him because the one morning it was so bad, I thought he was going to kill me. This is the worst thing I have ever dealt with in my life and 7 months down the line I still feel hurt by it. 

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Re: my boyfriend left a bruise on me but i hit him back ?

Hiya @Jen10. When you're in the middle of a situation like this, it can feel like you're all alone so I'm really glad you found our forum and that @rose94's post helped you. 

 

It can take a long time to heal and recover from abuse and partner violence. It's not just the bruises and the physical injuries, but the emotional trauma that comes with being betrayed so grievously by someone you loved and trusted. It can really help to have a professional on your side to help you through those feelings. I notice you're not based in Australia, so the 1800 RESPECT line I provided above might not work for you, but I'd encourage you to look up similar services in your area and get in touch with them.