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not so merry christmas

I don't want it to be christmas tomorrow. I'm terrified. 

This will be my first christmas out (as transgneder) and everyone still doesn't recognise me. My dad does but that's about it. I'm sick of people calling me my dead name and calling me a she. I hate it. (I bought a new suit today to affirm my gender for myself but it's really hard)

Also mum contacted me today...I hate that c***. She hates everything about me etc and I hate everything about her but she had the audacity to say i love you saying goodbye...Grr I didn't even want to talk to her but she has her number set as a private number.

And I'm still freaking about my abuser rocking up christmas day, I pray he's gone when i get back from chirstmas lunch.

And how am I meant to cope with all the food. Eating Disorders suck.

And the aliens/voices are back. And back pretty bad. I really don't need their shit right now.

 

This isn't even half the shit I'm stressed about. I don't want to deal with this. I want to harm and it to be boxing day already.

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Trying to make my misery
just a piece of my history
A little less victim a little more victory
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Re: not so merry christmas

@redhead definitely my heart is going out to you big time it's very disrespectful people using the incorrect pronoun, plain and simple not on. What's the pronoun you prefer at the moment? 

 

Also it makes the sense the voices have rocked up. A lot of stressors at the moment. Let's break it down a bit - what's your biggest concern of all these things? The abuser or your family? Maybe we can help support you piece by piece with the whole community. Well done on the suit!

Re: not so merry christmas

Probably the abuser tbh. His partner gave me a gift this afternoon and mentioned him in the card. I fucking lost it. I don't want him in my head anymore. After Christmas I'm reporting him to the police, I may even get a restraining order (but who knows)
@Bree-RO
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Trying to make my misery
just a piece of my history
A little less victim a little more victory
-Icon for Hire

Re: not so merry christmas

@redhead I definitely reckon that's a good idea, especially the restraining order. I think it's super important you get some support during that time.. You deserve support. Closer to when you're ready email victims@justice.tas.gov.au if you need or give them a call on 1300 663 773 (Toll Free). Heart

Re: not so merry christmas

@Bree-RO I was going to contact Laurel House the link you sent me on my question thread.
===========================
Trying to make my misery
just a piece of my history
A little less victim a little more victory
-Icon for Hire

Re: not so merry christmas

Please let me know how you go with them @redhead Heart

Re: not so merry christmas

@Bree-RO I kinda don't want to wake up tomorrow but I'll put on my best face and survive another fucked Christmas
===========================
Trying to make my misery
just a piece of my history
A little less victim a little more victory
-Icon for Hire

Re: not so merry christmas

@redhead you're doing so very well, we'll be online tomorrow to listen if you need to unpack stuff. I am on the day shift for once Smiley Very Happy! I really hope you get some rest. 

Re: not so merry christmas

I can't sleep I can't breathe.
It's Christmas in 13 min. Why can't I cope with this
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Trying to make my misery
just a piece of my history
A little less victim a little more victory
-Icon for Hire

Re: not so merry christmas

How are you feeling at the moment @redhead?