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not sure

i keep tyring to tell myself that if I get through this day then it will be ok , but ever day when I wake up the feelings are still there, yesterday i binged and purged  i then self harmed  i have not been anle to wear any tshirts or shorts or dresses and have been wearking brecallets and ribbon .. It is is my head nearlly all the time and I try to dleay it it but it still wins, i have not been able to go out as I feel over whelemed and then freak out , I ahte hate who I am my body my hair , .. I feel like gods has fucked me over i have had bad relationships and a crap ass life i have not been able to have a job or start something then cant finish it , plus i been diagonsed with physical illness's as well.. when I feel a little happy I take my dog simba for long walks .. i used to love to paint and dye my hair all crazy colours and I had my own look now my hair is back to its natural colour it hasnt been since I was a little girl.. and i stopped my painting and im just lost im crying now and i dont know why.. is this how it is when you get help you go through a break down then go up .. cause i dont get it .. im sorry i am ramballing on not sure if anyone cares i just wanted to write .. life is hard

Re: not sure

Hey gaveintodark,


Welcome to the forums Smiley Happy It sounds like things are pretty crap at the moment… I think it's pretty awesome that despite feeling so bad, you've come onto the forums and shared what's happening with you.


I'm sorry to hear that yesterday was so bad for you - are you feeling any better today? You mentioned in your other post that you're seeing a psych - is that helping at all? It's definitely worth talking to him/her about these things that you've mentioned here - you don't deserve to be feeling so terrible. You can definitely feel better… Just because things feel like this now doesn't mean that they will feel like this forever. Your psych might be able to help you work out how to best overcome this stuff - is this stuff that you think you could talk about with him/her? Maybe even printing off what you've written here and handing it to them could be a good way to start talking about it and finding solutions.


Self harm can be really difficult to overcome, but trying to delay it is a really great first step. Trying to avoid self harming takes a lot of strength and determination, so good on you! What kinds of things do you usually do to try and put off self harming? Something I found really helpful when I was stopping self harming was trying to replace the sensation of relief that I got from self harm… I did this by doing things like holding ice cubes really tight, having cold showers, going for sprints, keeping rubber bands around my wrists and flicking them - things that gave me a really quick, intense physical sensation, but didn't involve hurting myself. Obviously everyone is different, but maybe you could think of some things that might help you? There's also some good ideas here ( on dealing with urges to self harm. You could even incorporate getting back to painting/drawing as a way to avoid self harming... 


I also did a lot of distress tolerance work with my psychologist which I found incredibly helpful... There are some really good online exercises you can do - one of them is set of modules here ( - you're meant to work through them one by one, but the third and fourth modules focus on improving and tolerating distress - which can be really useful things to be able to do when trying to avoid/stop self harming.


I think it's really great that you are still doing things like taking your dog for walks. Do you find that it helps you feel a bit better as well? Getting out and doing some exercise can do wonders for our moods, plus playing with pets is always fun Smiley Happy I bet Simba loves it too! You also mentioned that you're worried your medication is playing with you… Could you talk to your doctor about this? We're not medical professionals, but there are loads of different anti depressants and perhaps there is something that your doctor could prescribe that wouldn't have so many side effects.


You're definitely not alone in this - there are loads of people here on the forums who have been through similar situations. You can also read stories about other young people who have been through, and come out the other side of problems like yours. You can check them out here ( Hang in there - things won't be like this forever. Nothing lasts forever, even feeling terrible. You can get through this.


Take care. 


Re: not sure

Hey Gavein...,


I don't have any personal experience of self-harm, but I do understand that feeling of being really down and feeling like you have lost your mojo, and you are just not even getting enjoyment out of the things that you always loved doing. I have been through this sort of depression a couple of times and come out the other end.


My advice is to keep doing those things that always brought you joy in the past - even if they don't feel quite right. Go out and get that hair dye and go for purple, green and pink! You might not instantly get the same buzz you used to out of it, but if you keep doing these things I promise that the feeling will come back eventually.


My other bit of advice is to be patient and don't be too hard on yourself. You are going through a tough patch and it might take a bit of time, but you have felt good about yourself in the past and you will do it again, just keep putting one foot in front of the other, keep going and you will start to find that at some point soon the good days outnumber the bad ones.


Also don't be afraid to come on here and let us know how you are getting on.  We care - we really do!





Re: not sure

hey thanks gail , for the lovely reply it made me feel so much better, just even seeing someone replied was a relief  that I am not a lone .. I get in these downers and usually i sit in ym room silent I wont talk for hours wont move like zone out completely , but i was desperate the other day to just find some support.. Simba is a real hypo puppy and yer at times it helps the walks my psy said to do this 5 x5 things where I got to look feel taste five things so that my mind is not always going in the past..


I find removing myself out of the room when I want to self harm is away of delaying it , or taking a shower  , laying on the conrete floor with music blaring in my ears.. I am getting a boxing bag maybe that may help...


today I had a panick attack it was scary the last time I had one was when my ex fiance went to punch me , some how I got through it i brought simba inside and it seemed patting him and him bitting helped .. guess I am tyring to take it day by day , I am happy with my psychologist she is a lovely lady and I think I will print and show her this  and some poems I have wrote on how I feel.. I will try holding the cold ice .. I think the meds were helping but then I started playing aroudn with them taking a bit more  thats another thing tablets , they got to be away from me .. but working with my psychologist, i just want to eventually be able to wake up at a decent time stick to some job or course or what ever  even just working at an op shop , I just want to be able to go out and not get all overhwelmed and panicky.. I am getting some tattoos done as I have been told its away to prevent self harm do you think that could work? thank you for your words and your support I will check up on everything , peace and love gail Smiley Happy.. I really needed to hear your words Smiley Happy

Re: not sure

hey benny


thanks for the reply and your advice I am deffinetly on that dying my hair and i was thinking of bunches of colours its been like 9 months since Ive dyed my hair I used to dye it like ever 3 weeks, i do hope it gives me some buzz, I am goign to try get in to the things i like..


my psychologist said not to be hard on my self that every little thing counts, see I been through this like 4 years ago for 3 years and then  things happen and yer I guess the truth is I never have dealt with my issues or have been up front honest with my issues .. I know one day this will pass and I do believe we go through trials in our life to I guess lead us to the path we are meant to be on .. thank you for your kind words and I will try get on here  I think its awesome that theres a site like this ..


cheers peace n love

Re: not sure

Hey again Smiley Happy


You're definitely not alone! The forums are a great place to get support from other people who are going through similar situations, so it's awesome that you found them.


They're some good strategies for delaying self harm. Getting a boxing bag sounds like a good idea too - I used to punch my pillows all the time but a boxing bag would be even better! I think printing this stuff out to share with your psychologist is a great step to take, it sounds like you get on well with her - hopefully by reading some of this she can get a bit more insight into what's happening for you at the moment and how best to help.


It sounds like you've got some really good goals and things that you want to achieve which is awesome - I find having goals makes it much easier when I'm struggling and trying to remind myself why I'm doing what I'm doing. For ages I used to have a list of goals written up and stuck on my mirror which I found really helpful, every morning when I got up, before I went out, I'd read through them, & when I was getting ready for bed I'd read through them again and it would prompt me to think about whether the things I'd done that day were getting me closer or further away from my goals, and how I could make the next day better and one that continues to move me closer to where I want to be. I think working at an op shop would be awesome!


I've heard of people getting tattoos to motivate them not to self harm, I don't have any experience of it though.. I do have a couple of tattoos, but I got them after I'd stopped self harming. I guess it's an individual thing - if you're getting something with the intention of it being to help you prevent self harm, maybe every time you see it it'll remind you…? Let us know!


Does anyone else have any suggestions for preventing self harm? What have you guys found helpful?