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out of control anxiety & just life

I started a new thread because I guess this is a little different to my others and I just need to vent.

My anxiety is just getting out of control lately. Like today I ordered chatime (bubble tea), it’s already hard enough for me to order food but today I was just exceptionally overwhelmed and jumbling my words around. I was diagnosed with separation anxiety 6 years ago and then it went away but over the last year I’ve had really bad social anxiety. My mum always tells me to suck it up and I want to tell her about my anxiety but I don’t know what to do and how. I know I need to be on medication and need some full on help because I cannot handle it. I’m also feeling so down at the moment and I think I may have depression and my Mum is always telling me how I always look so sad. I guess I’m just scared telling her and my shit life doesn’t make it any better. My mum and I also aren’t connecting very well lately. I’m always so irritatable. Like I was making myself a banana smoothie this morning and then my mum told me I had to wash it up after. I got so frustrated because I had to leave the house in 40 minutes and I still had to do my makeup, brush my teeth etc. It just triggered me so bad because I didn’t have time to wash up and my Mum just pushed my buttons. I just feel so lost and I don’t enjoy things as much as I use to. 

I’m sleeping at my friends house tomorrow and I’ve never met her Mum so this is gonna really push my anxiety. Anyways thanks everyone Smiley Happy 

Re: out of control anxiety & just life

Hey there @litgym, it sounds like there's a lot of energy so no doubt you are feeling pretty exhausted and on edge. Anyone saying "suck it up" regarding anxiety is bound to worsen the issue. Anxiety effects the body, so it can be quite challenging. In light of all this you are doing incredibly well. Do you know what is at the base of the anxiety? Have you ever spoken to a school counsellor or teacher about the ongoing feeling?

Re: out of control anxiety & just life

@Bree-RO thanks, it is very hard and I’m trying my best to cope with it. I see a school consuellor and she has given me strategies but I feel like I need further help because it is out of control. I’ve also spoken to a teacher who suffering with PTSD so we’re quite relatable and she has been helping. Anything to do with ordering food, speaking to new people/ not close friends, speaking assessments, any attention on me in public etc causes me to start to loose my breath sometimes panic attacks. I usually curl into a ball and start crying because my anxiety just takes over me.

Re: out of control anxiety & just life

Hi @litgym,

It sounds like you are very self aware about what topics are more likely to increase your feelings of anxiety, which is really great. Well done for taking the step to see the school counsellor and speak to others about what's happening for you - it's not easy but is so important Smiley Happy You mentioned feeling like you need some additional support to manage your feelings of anxiety, have you asked your school counsellor what is available to you?

 

When you feel anxious, is there anything that helps to ground you and reduce the feelings of anxiety?

 

Let us know how you go with the sleepover as well, we are here to listen and support you Heart

Re: out of control anxiety & just life

How are you feeling now @litgym?

Re: out of control anxiety & just life

hey @Jess1-RO,

I haven’t told her that I need extra help but I feel like the strategies she’s given me I can’t use. Whenever my anxiety takes over me my mind goes blank so I can’t think of the things she’s told me to do. I just can’t explain how bad my anxiety is like I think I need medication to calm it done. 

When my anxiety happens at school I usually leave the classroom and go get a drink. But whenever I’m crying everyone seems to either ignore me or pretend there my best friend.

The sleepover is pretty good so far her mum seems nice and her mums boyfriend is really nice Smiley Happy 

@Bree-RO I’m okay at the moment, my head is throbbing because of a bad headache but other then that I’m feeling okay Smiley Happy

Re: out of control anxiety & just life

my anxiety is getting so bad atm to the point I’m sleeping in my mums bed because I’m scared that someone is gonna hurt me or even a ghost come out of nowhere. Yes I know sounds so childish but like it’s just taken over my headspace. I slept in my bed last night though because I knew if I didn’t go to my bed soon then I would never be able to go back. I kept waking up through the night.

My frustration I just cannot control I keep lashing out at my sister and Mum. Last night I legit went to the kitchen crying because I just couldn’t handle my Mum.

My Mum also asked me twice yesterday if I’m depressed but I couldn’t admit. I wanted to but it was so hard and denied it. Like she still probably thinks I am but yeah.

I have 2 positives though Smiley Happy

1. I got the poetry book The Sun and Her Flowers by Rupi Kaur and poetry is my favourite thing ever Smiley Wink

2. I’m going on holidays tomorrow with my 2 friends and I can’t wait to be away from home and my family. It’ll be the first time in ages when I can be happy and hopefully my anxiety settles down a bit Smiley Happy

Re: out of control anxiety & just life

Hi @litgym

I can hear how scary these feelings are right now. Feeling this way is certainly not childish, if anything it is a very common reaction to feelings of fear that any person of any age could have Heart You are not alone Heart

 

I can completely understand what you mentioned in an earlier post about not being able to think about strategies when you are feeling overwhelmed. That is 100% okay! Are you going to have people around you today? 

 

Starting that conversation about depression can be really hard. It sounds like your mum is very observant and is noticing things have been difficult for you. I'm very grateful that you have felt you can share how you are feeling here on the forums, it's very brave. I hope it can give you the reassurance that talking about depression is okay that there are people here to support you Heart

 

Its great to see that even when you are feeling really anxious that you are able to identify some daily positives. Keep reaching out to us to let us know how you are going. We look forward to hearing how your holiday goes Smiley Happy

Re: out of control anxiety & just life

@litgym the fact that you were able to post all those positives, despite everything, really made me smile Smiley Happy Heart

If chatting to your mum is too hard, would writing her a letter or even sending her a message via Facebook/text help? I used to send my mum Facebook messages even though we lived in the same house haha - it's about whatever helps you to start that conversation Heart
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No human being, however great or powerful, was ever so free as a fish

Re: out of control anxiety & just life

hey @Jess1-RO

thanks for not thinking I’m a little kidHeart

Today I went to the cinemas with my mum and sister :/ and the rest of the day I’ve been packing for tomorrow. Thank you for being so supportive about my depression and anxiety. I want to tell my mum so bad I don’t know how to, I just can’t do it. The fact that she even brought up I couldn’t even admit. I keep lashing out and everything keeps triggering me I don’t know why. Everything just makes me burst out with anger. 

Gymnastics use to be everything to me and now I’m not even bothered to go anymore. I feel so guilty because my mum pays so much for me to go and we can barely afford it yet I still barely go. Once I’m there I have so much fun and laugh with all my friends. I don’t know why and I don’t want to quit and I also have to do a sport.

I’ll keep you guys updated and how my holiday goes Smiley Happy