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Re: out of control anxiety & just life

@lokifish school goes back on Tuesday Smiley Happy only 5 days !!

my dad just dropped my sister home early (if you don’t know the story; my dad use to physically abuse me and my parents are divorced. i also don’t see him anymore) and my Mum was stuck in traffic on her way home so I had to let my sister in and I was so scared of my dad. Because he could of starting yelling or hurting me, thankfully he didn’t but he was trying to persuade me by saying “we should hangout sometime, I can pay for things you can’t” and he kept repeating that. Then I shut the front door on him. But I was so scared and he was clinging onto me pretending he “loves me so much” but really just to whisper stuff in my ear.

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Re: out of control anxiety & just life

@litgym that does sound scary! Smiley Sad how are you feeling now? Reckon some self-care is in order?
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No human being, however great or powerful, was ever so free as a fish
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Re: out of control anxiety & just life

Hey @litgym this sounds really full on. You have really good boundaries with your Dad, I am so sorry they have to be put in at all but it sounds really important you keep yourself safe. Would you be up for chatting online with 1800Respect here, and telling them what you just told us? It's completely confidential, and they are really good at supporting these kinds of situations. What do you think? 

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Re: out of control anxiety & just life

@lokifish the self care I’ve done tonight is watching the movie Jumanji and I just had a hot shower. I’m not having a good day, I almost had a panic attack, my dad starts being aggressive to me and now my mum just wants to top of everything by having random go’s at me. Like seriously I got home 4 hours ago give me a break.

@Bree-RO thanks a lot, I’ll give it a go but my mum might be a pain by saying I’m on technology too much and it’s night time. Like jeez I’m actually dealing with stuff, it’s not like I’m scrolling through Instagram 24/7.

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Re: out of control anxiety & just life

today ive just felt really unsettled and irritable. Everything is just making me so angry and triggered. Like my dog starts barking for attention and it just makes me so angry, I can not explain how much. School is in 2 days and I feel like this term it’s going to be horrible. I’m like drowning in my thoughts screaming for help but nobody can save me. I wanna just yell out to my “friends” I’m depressed and my anxiety is out control. I can’t take much more of people’s bullshit. I have friends who don’t even care about me and I’m always the last choice. A father who physically abuses me and replaying what he’s done just kills me inside and makes me so upset. A mother who puts me down for honestly anything, I buy some earrings I really like, she just says how it’s too big or not that nice. The only people have is you guys and my teacher. You have no idea how much you guys have helped me. My teacher is the most amazing supportive person in the world and anyone is lucky to know her. It’s taken me hours to get to sleep the last few nights because my brain won’t shut off. I just can’t take much. I have no motivation for anything. I love to read but can’t be bothered to read. I don’t even know anymore. I need a retreat by myself for as long as I want in a calm environment and choose when to see my “friends” and never see may family again. Why do any teenagers have to deal with stuff like this. They should be living not being stopped by anxious thoughts, panic attacks and have depression just stop you from doing stuff and lowering your self esteem. Nobody deserves that. I’ve tried so hard over the last year to push these feelings away and pretend to be happy. When I first told my teacher everything she said “Omg *name* I had no idea you were dealing with all this, you’re always so happy in class” and that always hits me like woah nobody even notices what is wrong with me. And now I keep labelling myself and think I’m a problem. Why can’t I be 7 when nothing stopped you and you would just have the time of your life. Everytime I see my friends I just wanna tell them so bad but I know they don’t care. Everyone at my school uses depression as an aesthetic and cuts themselves because they think they’re cool. Like no hunny you’re not and you have no idea how much you’re offending people. I don’t want attention but I want someone by my side through the whole way. Like is it ever going to get better? I keep telling myself it is but I’m not seeing an improvement. I just don’t know anymore.

sorry for this long rant, i just had to get this off my chest.

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Re: out of control anxiety & just life

Hey there @litgym it's very brave of you to share all of that with us. It's amazing that you do have people to go to for support, teachers are very extraordinary in being there for students. It's definitely seems easier sometimes to put on a strong/happy front when we are feeling our worst in front of people. Do you think getting some counselling support tonight around your feelings of anger, hopelessness and despair might be helpful tonight? I can see mod Bree gave you 1800Respect phone number, and you want to be off your phone to your mum, what about online counselling?

I am worried about something you put in there about your dad physically abusing you and have sent you an email about this to follow up. 

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Re: out of control anxiety & just life

thanks for the email @Sally-RO

i would do some online consuelling though it’s very hard to get in at this time. I tried 1800Respect a few days, quick wait time though I don’t find them helpful. I would much rather use the KidsHelpline.

My Mum just pressured me about how I haven’t been happy lately. And I finally opened up to her about my anxiety and im shaking right now. I didn’t tell her about the depression tonight because this is far too much for me tonight. She kinda got pissed off how my teachers know about it and that she doesn’t. She’s getting me help though Smiley Happy she was nicer to me than I expected but I feel like she still could of been kinder about it.

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Re: out of control anxiety & just life

@litgym I am SO VERY PROUD OF YOU for talking to your mum about feeling anxious! And glad to hear she is going to get you some help! I really hope that you're able to talk openly with the health professional Smiley Happy

 

sea otter good job GIF by Justin


Remember you're amazing just as you are Heart

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Re: out of control anxiety & just life

Hey @litgym, this is a MASSIVE step that you have taken towards your own wellbeing. Very proud of you! Smiley Happy

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Re: out of control anxiety & just life

thanks @Bee this made me smile and same with @mrmusic. I really appreciate how supportive and proud you guys are of me Smiley Happy I feel kinda of labelled now by my mum, I don’t really know. She has been nicer to me which makes me happier I guess.