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overanalysing friendships

I was wondering if anyone knows how to stop overanalysing friendships? Over the past couple of months I have become acquainted with someone from school (5 years ago I finished school), and despite them being kind and showing interest, I'm kind of afraid that she still might not end up wanting to be friends with me. We spoke for three hours on facetime on a Friday (for the first time since we ran into each other a few months before but we wanted to catch up beforehand, but quarentine happened), chatted again on Saturday and Sunday (a conversation I initiated - I think I sent a meme or something idk), then today (Tuesday) I sent a picture of a dress that had arrived that I was talking about on our chat on Friday. What if I'm being too much? I do not understand how these things work. Yes I am talking to my therapist about this, but I would also like to know other people's thoughts on the matter. 

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Re: overanalysing friendships

Hey @keezeik , definitely relate to you! With my anxiety I overanalyse things a lot, including my friendships, fearful that I’m being too much or annoying and that I could do one thing wrong and they’d leave. So you’re not alone! I’m glad you’re talking to your therapist about it, hopefully they may be able to help you get to the root causes of why you’re overanalysing the friendship. For instance, has there been friendships in the past where they’ve broken your trust or hurt you in some way? Has it been common for you to worry in friendships before?
I guess for me I try to overcome it by communicating with the person how I’m feeling and the past trauma I’ve had in friendships, once I’m a bit more comfortable in our friendship. It can always be a risk opening up to people but it’s a risk that I believe I can take so I can have more honest and meaningful friendships. Are you at the stage where you’d feel comfortable sharing with this friend about how you’re feeling? 
But by the sounds of it they enjoy talking to you, like especially by having that 3 hour FaceTime! 

I hope you start to feel less anxious about it soon and that a great friendship develops 😊

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Re: overanalysing friendships

Well I haven't spoken to them in like 5 years so I would say I am not in the stage of sharing that with them. I just get super anxious about it because i don't have a lot of friends and i lack social skills....
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Re: overanalysing friendships

Hey @keezeik I've struggled with this most of my life too. It's not easy to cope with because part of letting go of this worry is accepting yourself and realizing your value as a friend. If someone doesn't end up wanting to be your friend but you see what you bring to the table, then it is more a "their loss" kinda situation. From an outsiders perspective it sounds like this friend in question genuinely wants your company Smiley Happy 

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Re: overanalysing friendships

I am also super prone to over analysing my friendships and relationships and everything in between, so I definitely feel where you are coming from in this instance.

 

What works for me is to literally ask myself the question 'Is how I am treating this person exactly how I would like to be treated'? 

 

If you would love someone to message you most days sharing different unique parts of your life, then be that person. If your friend, or anyone for that matter, does not give the same effort back, it could be due to SO many reasons, many which are likely to have nothing to do with you at all! But ultimately, if they don't give that same effort back, maybe they just share different values in a friendship than you do, which means that they weren't right for you anyway.

 

Sounds like they are responding very positively though so I would enjoy the friendship on the day-to-day, as it sounds like a lot of fun at the moment. But, also keep in the back of your mind that even if the friendship didn't last, you were able to develop that friendship in such a short amount of time. Who's to say you couldn't do that again!

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Re: overanalysing friendships

Hi Keezeik Smiley Happy

I dont have any actual advice but I wanted to check in with you and make sure you were okay. I understand this can be really hard especially if you feel like you're losing friends or that you dont have anyone close to you anymore like some people have.
Just know that the right people will come to you and that its okay to not be good at making friends and feeling worried. Everyone just wants people who support them and you deserve that. At the very least you have the people here at reach out to support you and check up on you and feel free to update us.

Hope things go well Smiley Happy
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Re: overanalysing friendships

hmmmm I guess you're right, I shall see how it goes with it Smiley Happy