people are hard

[DruidChild]

I feel horribly lonely most of the time but I also don't want to see people. 

I was meant to go out to dinner with two people I was friends with a couple years ago in hospital and I cancelled on them because I just can't do it. 

There’s someone I want to know better but I don’t know how. What are the rules? 

I feel like I'm lost in a country where I don't speak the language. It's been like this as long as I can remember. I wish someone could give me a rule book that explains how I'm supposed to be! 

[keezeik]

Hello there, I normally do a thing where every time I think about them I will text them and perhaps start a conversation. Mostly open ended questions are good like hey how are you, and if you have any interests....also I do this a lot and I have a friend who isn't really into that stuff so it depends on the person, but I often send people memes as well. Just in a way so we keep in contact. Is there anything they are particularly interested in?

I feel like it's best to start with small talk (as annoying as it is) it will lead onto bigger discussions etc. I have always found social situations hard, and I still do. But now it's a little bit easier, that being said I only really have one friend, and am trying to make more - but the thing is what I'm trying to say is that it does get better. You just have to see what works and don't let that voice in your head take control.

[DruidChild]

Thank you for the suggestions @keezeik, you’ve given some great advice, I appreciate it How do you deal when the anxiety gets bad?

[Bananatime04]

Hey @DruidChild
Feeling lonely is such a hard feeling especially when we don’t want to be around people. I do that a lot actually. Isolating myself from everyone and everything but then feeling lonely and just continuing to not want people around me. Is this similar to what you do?
It’s perfectly ok that you had to cancel on going out for dinner.. it happens. But make sure you don’t put yourself down for that. You can always have dinner another day with them when you feel up to it.
I’ve had people offer support like that.. it’s not them saying you have to tell me everything that’s wrong so I can help you or anything like that. It’s just an offer if you want someone to talk to. Just like RO.. we are always here for a chat but there isn’t any pressure to post or for you to share everything.. she would be just looking out for you and making sure you have someone if you need. Well that’s what I think.. what do you think? There certainly isn’t any rules that you have to call her or message her though. Just keep in mind that she’s there for you and is happy to help. Just like us x
That’s a tricky feeling as well and I wish it was that easy but unfortunately it’s not.. life doesn’t come with a rule book so it’s up to you on how you use it. Sorry if I worded that wrong but I’m not sure how else to put it.

[DruidChild]

Hey @Bananatime04 thank you, it’s comforting to know someone understands  I guess that it’s not so much that I isolate, it’s that I get myself into a commitment or situation and then I’m scared it’s going to turn out like every other friendship I’ve been in and I run away. Because I can’t handle the grief of that again. Also it’s that I just don’t understand the rules of social interaction that other people seem to understand...I screw up and say the wrong thing and cry too much. 

Thank you  I feel kinda guilty, but also relieved because I knew seeing them would bring up so many painful memories that I don’t think I can deal with right now. 

Also, thank you for explaining. It sounds lame but I honestly didn’t know that was what that offer meant. You’ve translated it for me!  

[keezeik]

Well I myself made a playlist of music that's relaxing, it's got orchestral music to music such as Adele, RY X, Sufjan Stevens etc - and I often listen to that when I am tired or I am feeling quite anxious about something to calm down. Sometimes I'll even lay in bed and listen to that music and rest my eyes with my dog next to me, I feel a lot better after a few hours.

I think because I have had a lot of help and social interactions I still get worried about stuff, I often talk to my psychiatrist about these things, it's always good to talk to someone you're close to. Maybe write down your worries about messaging this person or talking to this person, and have a look at it, it'll not only clear your mind but also maybe realise that it is not as bad as it seems.