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"I'm fine"

I'm not fine. I'm not okay. And I don't feel like I have the right to say that. I'm trying to balance exams, parental pressure, and expectations with my therapist and psychologist. I'm trying so hard to be what everyone else wants that I've sacrificed who I am. And it's really hard.

Re: "I'm fine"

Hey @ma30n
Welcome to ReachOut!
That does sound hard and is certainly a lot to deal with it, but by making a post here you are taking a great first step. What are some of these pressures about? You mentioned exams, is there pressure for you to get a certain mark? Is this pressure coming from your parents and teachers or from yourself?
Let's talk about what you want, not what other people want from you, what are some of your goals?

Sorry, lots of questions, you don't have to answer them all or any of them but I'm interested to know so that I can help.
//You can stay afraid, or slit the throat of fear and be brave//

Re: "I'm fine"

Thank for taking the time to know what I want, not many people take that time. My parents have very high expectations that I'm really struggling to meet. I'm expected to receive solely A's and B's. I'm a high achiever but I was only aiming for C's and above. All I want to do, is be allowed to be my own person. I also really struggle to communicate well due to ASD which makes it really hard to make my feelings known verbally in a home or School setting.

Re: "I'm fine"

I can imagine that would be very hard, not being able to express yourself how you'd like to. This is your life and you can be your own person, of course you can.
Do your parents know just how much this pressure is impacting you?
//You can stay afraid, or slit the throat of fear and be brave//

Re: "I'm fine"

no they dont. I really strugle to comunicate and i normaly just contain it and do the best i can by myself. im very good at hiding the fact that im strugling which is a blessing and a curse. its awesome when im in public or dont have anyone i trust around. its also a curse because when i open up everyone says "but your doing so well what are you talking about" or "but your always so happy"

Re: "I'm fine"

Hi @ma30n, thank you for posting! How are you today?


It sounds like you're trying really hard to meet everyones expectations, but you're not feeling like you can be yourself, and that this is making you feel really stressed and overwhelmed?   Also, @j95 asked some really good questions and gave some awesome encouraging words!


Not only do you have the right to say how you feel, but it's definitely a good step for your wellbeing.  You are a very good writer, so if you do struggle expressing how you feel verbally, perhaps you could write it?


When we feel like we can't be ourselves it can be pretty distressing.  You listed your exams, parental pressure, and therapist and psychologist expectations as causing you stress - what is most important to you right now?


Hope you feel better soon!







Re: "I'm fine"

I'm doing better today, I mangegd to comunicate to my mum that what she was doing was making it really hard for me. im still along way from fine but im facing the right way. writting is my passion. i write poetry mostly. i would love to comunicate mostly via writting but that would take a while to implement as i am working to best my dislexia disgraphya and visual processing disorder. at school i struggle to comunicate on the spot and often need time to calm and be able to formulate a response. at the moment im just trying to get through exams at the moment. i have a slew of mental issues which i am trying to combat after my recent diagonsis. at the moment im basicly working on exams, and beating OCD.


thank you so so much for taking the time to help.  

Re: "I'm fine"

@ma30n thank you for your response.  It's great that you've been able to communicate how you are feeling with your mum - that's really brave of you and an awesome step towards looking after yourself.  It sounds like you understand that change takes time, but it seems like you have the right tools to be healthy and happy!


It definitely sounds like you have a ton on your plate right now, but keep working through things one at a time.  All the best with your exams and keep us in the loop!

Re: "I'm fine"

@ma30n good on you for being courageous and talking to your mum!


Want to show us some poems? Make a thread! There's a few poets here (cough cough @Butterfly Wings)


If you want to, can you tell me a bit more about OCD? How are you beating it? It's always cool to hear from people about these things Smiley Happy

Re: "I'm fine"

thanks, im really glad i was able too. its taken off a lot of stress. i would love to share some of my stuff. where should make that thread? 


with OCD im very luck to only be mild. but my OCD manifests in buttons, doors and very particular ordering. for example, I ride a bike to school and take a lift so i dont have to carry my bike up the stairs. so once on the lift, i must hold the door open button till everyone is on, even though i KNOW the sensor wont let door closes. then, i press the door up button so it beeps twice, or else i feel i need to ride the lift again or something terible will happen.i also feel like i must press the button more than once.  In my rational thoughts i know nothing is going to happen, but that dosent help. when ordering a table or a stack of books, it must be in decreasing size order. this also occours when i wash the dishes. prior to washing i must order like with like or i am deeply uncomfortable. if the clock is a time such as 3:33, or 5:55 i stare at the clock till it changes. if i dont do this i am on edge for quite a while. if im stressing, i will often randomly organize things in size order. i could go on and on. at the momnet, im working very hard to not give into certain behaviours and hoping to learn my way out. its exausting. it really frustating