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relationship stress


this is something that has been stressing me for a while on top of everything else that has been going on in my life. 

so I asked out girl over a text couple of months ago. we were in a group class, so we met every week. but back then its was just about we met each other and didn't really know about each other. So she basically said 'no' to me although she said she doesn't have a boyfriend and the reason is she doesn't feel like it. But we have been meeting in classes since then and we got along really well and we texted sometime. So after a couple of months today at the last group class, I asked her out for a coffee in person as we would not be meeting in classes again. and she asked whether its as a friend and I said yeah. So she agreed to it. we then discussed a date over text but while doing that this is what she said,


''I am kind of seeing someone at the moment, would you still be happy to go for a coffee with me? like legit as friends? because I think you are cool but yeah'' 


I said yeah I am happy to. and happily finalized the date and agreed to see each other on the day. 


but now I am wondering where does this leave me? I mean I have so much going on my life. from being broke to being depressed etc etc.. I am trying to stay positive and having a partner would really help to me.. I am sort of an introvert. I am someone who doesn't go out and asks girls around. I find someone interesting in like once in years.. and honestly I have been rejected from everyone.


but what do you guys think about that response? what exactly 'kind of seeing someone' means? does that sound like she is playing something? or she is keeping her options open? I mean I really don't want that problem in my life you know. she probably is the nicest girl I've seen for a while and I wouldn't want to think otherwise. and we live pretty close by and from what I have seeing over the past couple of months honestly its hard to believe she has a 'boyfriend' or anything. but I would rather stay single and tackle all alone than having someone who doesn't really want a serious relationship if that makes sense.. I just don't know..


Please give me your opinion

Re: relationship stress

Hey @meesha, sounds like a tricky situation.

My interpretation is that she wants to be your friend, and she means that in a positive way. She was being honest about seeing someone, but still wanted to meet up with you, and be your friend.

Even if that's not exactly what you want right now, having her in your life as a friend seems like it would be better than not having her in your life at all. What do you reckon?


Disclaimer: I have no experience with relationships whatsoever, and am just giving you an idea of how I would interpret the situation. Wishing you the best of luck with it all! Smiley Happy   

// Spiral outward, keep going. //

Re: relationship stress

Hey @letitgo thanks for your response. yes absolutely. having her as a friend is a lot better than not having her at all.. but its hard to believe she is seeing someone since I pretty much know about her...unless she started seeing this person in last couple of days. I mean she is being single for couple of years, at least nothing serious. she said she is single couple of months back. So idk. I feel like she said this ''kind of seeing someone'' thing just cause it'll be easy for her to not pursue a relationship with me or I wouldn't try to do so? from what I see, she is very independent and not willing to have a relationship in her life at the moment, not just with me but with anyone.. so.. besides "kind of seeing" doesn't really makes a whole lot of sense to me? :/  In all honesty, I really wanted her so it would be tough to see her with someone else.. that was the least expected Smiley Sad oh well


Re: relationship stress

I just would like to know whats your opinion about "kind of seeing someone" means... I mean I know but whats that suppose to mean :/


Re: relationship stress


Re: relationship stress

Hi @meesha,


It sounds like this has really been stressing you out lately Smiley Sad


From my point of view, it sounds like she sees you as a good friend and doesn't want to hurt your feelings in case you see her as more than a friend? Is there a way you could maybe clarify what she meant so that you're both on the same page?

Re: relationship stress

Hi @cupcakes_032


Thanks for the response. Yes it has been and yeah it could be that she just want to be nice. but honestly I am kind of lost to be honest. there doesn't seem to be any definitive explanation for this. the best way to find out is like you said asking her directly.. I'll try and figure out something...  

Re: relationship stress

@meesha yeah asking directly is probably the best way to go, even if it feels awkward and nerve-wracking at first. Hopefully the conversation can give you both a bit of clarity and closure. Let us know how it goes

No human being, however great or powerful, was ever so free as a fish

Re: relationship stress

@lokifish Thanks, yeah asking her directly would probably be the best thing to do. But seeing how uncomfortable she is of the idea of having a relationship and given she insists meeting just as friends, I am just worried if I talk about those stuff or ask questions that make her uncomfortable, would hurt our friendship and potentially could end up the convo abruptly or something :/ or else I am just thinking too much..

Re: relationship stress

@meesha hmm this is fair, it can be nerve wracking stuff huh and also I can understand your view on her potentially being uncomfortable but am just wondering if it would at least ease all of these questions you have rushing around your head? Clarity is a wonderful thing even if the process isn't fun Smiley Happy


How are you feeling at the moment?