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schools back

I hate school, its been 4 days back and I've already been in trouble 7 times, been sent out of class 9 times, gotten 3 detentions and today I got suspended for all of next week. I have a really hard time at school and going back has made things so bad. I get in trouble all the time because my teachers constantly pick on me because Im not very smart, I'll get annoyed at them because I know they are trying to embarrass me and I hate being embarrassed. Then I will start to hurl aggressive remarks to the teachers and I'll start to get really mad. There is this one teacher who has made my life hell for the last 5 years and I get in troubke with him every day. Two years ago I got really mad at him for saying I wasn't smart, I threatened him, abused him, pushed him against a wall and then spat on him, that left him scarred and he wouldn't show up to classes after it. That day I was way out of line, I hadn't taken my meds and I know what I did was really wrong. But everything is happening again, my mood and behaviour had been so bad that i could blow up at any second. I got suspended today because I started a fight with this girl in my class, the only reason I started it was because she was making rude comments about me, there's always a reason for me to do stuff like that. Tomorrow I have to go to a school mass and I hate masses I always skip them but I'm forced to go to this mass otherwise they will try kicking me out. I get really bad anxiety and they are purposely doing this to embarrass me. I don't know what to do, I'm stuck because I really don't want to go but I have to go and it's really upsetting. 

Re: schools back

Hey @stuck !

 

Good to hear from you again! Sad for you and this shitty time that you're going through Smiley Sad. I think last time we talked you were starting to talk to a GP and a Psychologist about some of the things you were dealing with. Do you mind me asking how that's going for you? 

 

The main reason that I am asking is that I think you need some backup at school. It seems to me like the school is seeing everything as a problem that can be sorted out with suspensions and detentions. What I'm not seeing is that they are doing things to understand why these things are happening and how to help you manage it all.

 

Reading through your posts, and the last conversation we had with you, i got the impression that you know a lot about what's happening and you're really willing to work on the issues you're dealing with. Which is so awesome!

 

I think if you get some backup at the school they might be able to start speaking to your teachers with you about what sort of support you need to keep things together at school. To be honest i am a little dissapointed that the school doesn't seem to be doing this already. So my big question for you is: Are you okay with asking your Psychologist to talk to the school? If you're not that's cool. We can talk about some other options for trying to sort out this heaps stressful issue!

 

We're here for you!

 

Re: schools back

Hey @stuck it's nice to hear from you again. I'm sorry that you're having such a shitty time at school.
Do have any strategies that you've used before and you can use again? For example seeing the school counsellor, talking to other teachers or your parents?

What do you think of @Ben-RO's suggestions? Are they something you could try?
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Guess what day it was!!! It was Wear It Purple Day!! Come on over and learn all about what it is and what you can still do!

Re: schools back

hey @stuck

I've read over your post a few times today and I've had to give my answer a lot time to run it through my head because you sound a little bit like me when I was back in school. It wasn't a very nice place to be. I can understand how isolating and debilitating that anxiety can be and it sucks that you feel like you are being targeted. I really like what both @Ben-RO and @N1ghtW1ng said about having some backup at school and someone unbiased to talk to. I feel like if you speak to the teachers who have seen you act on this anger then you might not get the result you're after, cause they might of only seen a small part of you that isn't the best part. Maybe there is a counsellor at school that can help you find ways to manage those strong emotions, but because they are involved with the school they can also help with deal with what you feel like may be bullying or targeting you.

Sorry if this reply doesn't make a lot of sense! I tried and am happy to try again if I have to.
Smiley Happy
//You can stay afraid, or slit the throat of fear and be brave//

Re: schools back

Makes a lot of sense to me @j95! I think it's also really cool that you're sharing what you learned from your own lived experience because you're going to understand this on a whole extra level, and that can help a lot.  Looking forward to hearing what you think about all this @stuck Smiley Happy 

Re: schools back

@Ben-RO this may not the case for @stuck, more maybe it is, but I feel like some people do not fit into the box school expects of you, it isn't for everyone, it wasn't for me anyway. In a lot of places the minute you're different or not suited an academic environment things go downhill, and that sucks.
//You can stay afraid, or slit the throat of fear and be brave//

Re: schools back

Good point @j95. I do think schools should be doing more to make a space for people to fit though instead of trying to make people fit in a space that doesn't work for them. Making a space for a person is called being inclusive, if you don't make that space, you're being exclusive of people that don't fit. I am a little dissapointed in the school because it sounds like they are not being very inclusive, i don't hear anything from @stuck that makes me feel like they have made an effort to understand what's going on. Grumble grumble Smiley Tongue 

Re: schools back

Thank you so much @Ben-RO@j95  and @N1ghtW1ng. I really appreciate everything you all replied with.

 

After a few months my doctor was able to hook me up with a clinical psychologist and she's really good, unfortunately, the school doesn't allow 'outside' psychcologists to dictate what the school can do to me as a student, only school councillors have that authority. Last year I started seeing the school councilor only because I was getting seriously high anxiety in all my classes, all the teachers could tell I was having panic attacks, none of them cared because they all see me as this angry bitch who could burst at any second, but I really needed help. The school councilor helped me for one day because she had other priority students and I understood, she emailed all my teachers telling them about my anxiety and stuff and my classes became dealable but then shit started happening between me and my friends. I would constantly skip all my classes and I started failing all my subjects. One day I was in a class, I felt sick and went to get a drink, I was a bit longer than expected and I came back to class, my teacher humiliated me infront of the class making up stories of what I possibly could of been doing in the time I was getting a drink. She sent me outside like I had done something wrong but I hadnt, I was so upset that I got my bag and I left and went home. After that day I've had to see the school councilor every week, she's ok, she helps school related problems with my anxiety. This year I was lucky because I ended up with mostly caring teachers due to my past behaviour in classes and stuff. I went into school today to See the school councilor and she thought that my suspension should be over looked because it was stupid being given out in the first few days and we went to the principal and she fought for me and now the principal has cancelled my suspension for next week but I'm on probation for all of next week, but it's really good now because im not suspended anymore !! Smiley Happy 

Re: schools back

I'm really glad that your school counsellor has your back @stuck! Even though your psychologist isn't allowed to make recommendations to your school, can they help you put a plan in place for when you feel like exploding in class?

Re: schools back

Thanks @ElleBelle

 

yeah we are discussing some coping techniques at the moment for blowing up at school and stuff but my Psychologist is mainly focusing on my friends situation and social life