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struggling

i have a really terrible week mentally so sorry everyone i just need to let out some steam and get my thoughts into words. 

 

my heart feels heavy and my head feels like it is spinning all the time, i feel psycially sick and im scared. im scared about what is wrong with me and im scared about what the future is going to look like. i try to seek help but my brain tells me not o, something inside me head says jay you dont need it, jay they are not helpful, jay its a waste of your time. people say oh why dont you just think of good things... my head is running wild right now i think that thinking of good things makes me more upset. i feel so alone, nobody gets it, nobody understands what its like to live in my messed up head every single day. and none of this is my fault i didnt do anything wrong to end up this way. my poor mental health is ruining everything for me, and still that voice inside my head says no you dont need to get help/its not worth it/its a waste of time. and then my head just reaches full capacity that it turns in absolute crisis mode and do all the way down, as far as i can go, when i think things cant feel any worse this happens. 

im sick of feeling this way. im sick of carrying all this guilt, anger & frustration, greif, disappointment every single day.  i try my hardest and it never feels good enough. 

 

i either over committ myself and get too hyped up on my goals, only to come crashing down. or i dont do anything and reach a low point because im a lazy idiot. or i just ruin every good thing i have in my life because im so angry. 

i need to get out i need to do something to get away from everything for a bit 

i need my head fixed. 

//You can stay afraid, or slit the throat of fear and be brave//
tee

Re: struggling

I'm glad you feel like you can share this. It feels good to let it out rather than keep it all bottled up, well for me anyway. Have you talked to anyone? Parents or anything?
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Re: struggling

@tee no, I'm 20 and i dont talk to my mum much, well still... i cant talk to her about anything significant.
//You can stay afraid, or slit the throat of fear and be brave//
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tee

Re: struggling

yeah I get that. I can't talk to my dad about anything really. I've been seeing a psychologist for many years (I see her every few weeks) and it actually does help. I kind of don't think I need it either but I go in there and it just feels good to talk things over. Is this something you have ever considered? Maybe a counsellor? You can even access them online these days. @j95

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Re: struggling

yep @tee i go to headspace...
i've got ptsd so I'm pretty familiar with the mental health system just feel failed by it sometimes
//You can stay afraid, or slit the throat of fear and be brave//
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tee

Re: struggling

it's good that you're reaching out. When I was reading your post I could identify with some of what you were saying @j95 make sure you take a break and take care of yourself, try not too burn out too much. Maybe watch a movie??
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Re: struggling

yeah been trying everything.. just one of the worst weeks i have had in months @tee
//You can stay afraid, or slit the throat of fear and be brave//
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tee

Re: struggling

that sucks. It will get better though, remember everything is just a stage, it will pass. Has anything happened recently to trigger it?
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Re: struggling


i need to get out i need to do something to get away from everything for a bit 


i think that's a good idea @j95.  I probably need that too to be honest.  It sounds like there's a lot on your mind so doing something you may not do very much could help.

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Re: struggling

@FootyFan26 the only thing is though i have tried everything, i feel like nothing can help me.
//You can stay afraid, or slit the throat of fear and be brave//