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tough time and not sure whats wrong with me....

ok where to start since this is my first post,


on friday the 15th of march 2013 i was with a guy i had only known for about 1 week now the thing about this guy is he was like me im transsexual (MTF) and he was the same but he stopped his transition for me as i can only date straight men and he can only date woman and im a woman lol so anyway i went out with him friday night for a drive from sydney to wollongong, and then i had the plan i was going to stay at his house but the only thing is we both kept fighting over the phone and in person because he was so insecure about himself and about me.

that night i had a great time driving down to wollongong with him and we were talking like we were going to become a proper couple but then on the way back to sydney he started another fight talking about how many texts i was getting from another guy who i had tried to date but did not work out about 2 weeks before this incident and then i got so fed up by all the calls and texts from this person and my so called bf telling me i was lieing to him and cheating on him and that me and one of my friends was playing him, since im not even close to being like that type of girl i throw my phone out of the window at about 60kmph then we went back for the phone and found it but then after we got it back he kept going at me and i got really really upset and i told him to stop the car and let me out, i told him this about 5 times and he told me no im not letting u out of this car until i get u home safely so as he would not let me out i tried three things, 1st thing was i opened my door as he was going 70kmph and he grabbed my arm and said what the hell are u doing i must have been out of my mind i just wanted to get out of the car and get away from him, and then i closed the door and told him to let me go and pull over and he would not stop so then 2nd thing i grabbed the stering wheel and tried to pull the car over so stupid i could have killed us both and then 3rd thing we stopped at some lights and i lifted the lock up because he locked us in car and then he grabbed me again and i broke free and got out of the car, thank god i said to myself at this point but then he pulled over up the road and chased me down the street on foot then he got in my way and was again telling me he was going to take me home because he did not want my safety on his mind, anyway he was again saying stuff about me lieing i again got upset and pushed him out of my way as he was standing in front of me and would not let me walk or let me go so then after about 15 mins of this and pushing him and telling him to get out of my way and let me go i haild a cab and then he walks up to the cab driver and then before i got in he says to the cab driver good luck with her mate, she will suck your cock and she does not have any money, at this point i said OMG and told the taxi driver to take me too the nearest train station and then i gave him the $30.00 i had on me and the taxi trip came too $25.00 so then i got on a train and then i went to the train station near my house but i did not leave the station as i thought well maybe i should go to his house instead and say im very sorry, so then i ended up waiting for a train to take me to his house by this time it was like 12:30am on sat morning and then a man started firting with me and i was so depressed and shocked by everything this man who i did not know and i went to a small dark park around the corner from the station and he had sex with me without protection, and then after that which was a few mins i was so even more depressed that i got a a train and went to my now ex-bfs house but when i got there he told me on a intercom never to come back so i walked back to the station but before i even go there about half way there my now ex-bf ran up to catch me and he said what r u doing? why did u do all that stuff and i cried and said nothing at all back to him but then he offered to give me a bed for the night and he would take me home in the morning but then he said u know where i live so after this dont come back, i told him i dont need his help nore do i want it he kept following me and then one of my so called friends called him back after he had being trying to call them but then that was my perfect time to run for it, because i did not want to be around him i wanted to work things out but i knew by the tone of his voice i would never be able to be with him again.

so after this i had to hide in a few places around the streets because he tried to find me again but then after a while i got back to the station where i could catch a bus and then i ended up back home after my legs gave in a few times and i fell over once on my way home about 10 mins after i got off the bus. but then i almost fell over again 5 mins from my home. right now i have to buy a new phone and im so upset still that im starting in my home and not talking to anyone. apart from my one supposed friend i dont have any other friends nore family so im alone most of the time anyway.

i just wanted to put this out there so people can know that someone who has been through alot do not cope under too much stress and depression. but now im trying to just relax and get my strength back.


Re: tough time and not sure whats wrong with me....

Hey nicegirl2000,

Welcome to the forums.

I am sorry to hear that you have had such a tough time with your ex boyfriend but am glad to hear that you are trying to relax and get your strength back. Make sure you are surrounded by great family and friends when trying to get through.

It's important that you remember if you feel your safety is in danger than you can call 000.

Another great organisation that can help if you just need someone to talk to is Kids Help Line - they are available 24/7 and for young people up to 25. Give them a call on 1800 551 800. They also provide online counselling. (

If you have been the victim of domestic violence as a result of your ex boyfriend, you might also find the 1800RESPECT helpline beneficial. They also provide online counselling. (

Take care of yourself.



Re: tough time and not sure whats wrong with me....

Hi nicegirl2000,


Welcome to Reach Out.


It sounds like you have an awful lot going on right now. That must be pretty exhausting and stressful trying to deal with all the time.


Like mischiefmanaged pointed out, taking some downtime to rest and accessing some support from people in your life is probably a really good idea right now. Are there things in your life that usually help you feel recharged, like exercise, or any hobbies? Doing something you enjoy is a really great way to take care of yourself.


I often find that chatting to people on the forums helps when I have a lot of things on my mind, maybe it might help for you as well? Sometimes even just playing some of the games on the forums is a good distraction from things that are stressful. There are also some really good tips on the RO about some techniques that can help you to relax and recharge when things are feeling a bit overwhelming http://


Remember, if you feel like things are getting to much, or if you just want to talk to someone, there are always people out there to help. If you are not sure who to talk to, you can find some helpful links here: http:// They have both telephone and online counselling.


Look after yourself and I hope things start to improve for you soon.







Re: tough time and not sure whats wrong with me....

Hi nicegirl, that sounds like a really scary situation to be in. You mentioned you are in Sydney, so I just wanted to make you aware of a really awesome initiative called the Transgender Anti-Violence Project. It's not ok for your boyfriend or anyone else to act violently towards you, and the TAVP have advocates that can stand by you if you are harrassed and need to make a police report.


Reach Out also have a really handy list of queer-friendly counselling services if you need to clear your head with someone who will understand -