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[tw] Not feeling the best...

I'm feeling pretty shit about quite a lot at the moment and I don't really know why- posting on here makes me really anxious (that's why I haven't been on much these past two weeks) but there is literally no reason to be anxious. 

I don't want to go back to school because I don't like my "friends" or anyone in my year level and school was too stressful last term so I don't know how I'll cope with VCE next year...

 

I don't know how I'm meant to manage both school and dysphoria and socially transitioning (especially since I haven't even come out to anyone except one friend who was really kind but I'm still too scared to come out to everyone else) and I'm too scared of being vulnerable and opening up to anyone about anything that even comes close to being personal.

I don't want to be trans and I don't want to need the forums and I don't want to struggle and constantly have thoughts in my brain like "you look like a girl" because I do and "everyone thinks you're a girl" only because I'm such a coward and I can't even come out to what I know is an accepting and safe environment. 

 

I don't know what I hoped to achieve through this post but writing it down made me feel a bit better I guess

Re: [tw] Not feeling the best...

Hi @not-an-otter, I'm sorry you've been feeling so bad recently.

 

I know that you were probably referring to irl people, but I just wanted to say that I know you're not a girl, and so do lots of people on the forums. We see you. 

 

Coming out is really frightening sometimes, and it's okay to be scared.

Gender can be such a personal thing, and it's often really frightening to think that someone might try to deny such an important part of you.

When I showed mum the video I made to come out, I pressed play and then went and hid outside for ages.

Besides, you were able to come out to someone! Even if it was only one person, you did it! 

It's really easy to call yourself a coward, but it's important to recognize how brave you've already been, and what you've achieved so far. 

 

Also, so you have any strategies for managing dysphoria?

If not, would you like to talk about that?

I don't know a huge amount about looking more masculine, but I do have a bit of knowledge on looking less feminine, if you think that would help. 

Re: [tw] Not feeling the best...

@not-an-otter  I think it can be really difficult managing multiple stresses at once. Smiley Sad
I wish discovering who you are could be an easy process.

I agree with @Tiny_leaf. You're so brave! It's amazing that despite all the stress that you've been under, that you're still here and continuing to reach out. Heart

Re: [tw] Not feeling the best...

Hi @not-an-otter,

 

I just wanted to check in and see how you are going this week? Was this your first week back at school? Sending our thoughts to you this week Heart 

 

The big thing I want to acknowledge is that your journey is yours and is okay to have conversations about gender in your own time and in your own way Heart Starting that first conversation with your friend was so brave, and I am glad to hear they were supportive! I think @Tiny_leaf's post is also really incredible and I hope that you feel that you aren't alone in the ReachOut community- there are so many people here who can relate and are here to support you Heart 

 

There are some really incredible services that can also really help support you. Qlife offer peer support over the phone or via webchat- could not recommend them more highly Heart A lot of Australian states also have a gender centres that can offer a range of supports, and some are youth specific. More than happy to link you a few I know of Smiley Happy We will also be having a live discussion on gender here next week which you might be interested- it could be an opportunity to ask our guests some questions Heart

 

We are here whenever you need to chat or write down how you are feeling Heart

__________

Check out our community activities calendar for September 2019 here

Re: [tw] Not feeling the best...

Hi @Jess1-RO things haven't been great this week I'm pretty stressed about everything and I've been really down yesterday and today and I haven't been sleeping well either which I know isn't great for my health.

I can't concentrate properly and I'm not motivated to do my schoolwork which isn't a good combination. I don't really know what to do because I can't think properly at the moment.

Re: [tw] Not feeling the best...

I am sorry to hear that @not-an-otter. It sounds like this is having a massive impact on you. I noticed that you said writing it down helped, have you thought of creating a journal? Anxiety can come out of nowhere sometimes, so don't feel bad about not posting. We always encourage users to take their time and take a break from the forums, if necessary. We have designed the forums to be a supportive community, so if it isn't helping, that is okay. Struggling with motivation, thinking and lack of sleep can make everything a whole lot more difficult Heart Is there anyone who can help you through this? Maybe someone who has helped you previously?

Re: [tw] Not feeling the best...

Hi again @not-an-otter! I'm sorry that you're having a not-so-great week and that you haven't been sleeping well. Smiley Sad

It sounds like there's a lot going on in your life. If you don't mind sharing, what has been bothering you the most?

Re: [tw] Not feeling the best...

Thanks @Taylor-RO I have tried a journal, but often I'll forget to write in it or I won't be motivated enough to even think about putting anything in. IN terms of people helping me with things like this, I have never actually talked to anyone properly because I hate being vulnerable.

@WheresMySquishy I'm not actually sure what the root cause is, things are normal at home, I don't have excessive schoolwork I'm just not coping well with anything at the moment I guess it could just be a build up of so many different small things that I didn't think would have affected me but apparently do.

Re: [tw] Not feeling the best...

I think trying to cope with a lot of issues at once is more challenging than trying to cope with one thing at a time @not-an-otter. Smiley Sad

Have you tried any journalling apps? You might be able to set reminders to make entries. My favourites are Writeaday, Journey and Journal it!. Writeaday encourages you to write a lot of short entries in a day and has quotes, intentions and suggestions about what to write to keep you motivated. There are also quick journalling apps such as Pixels and Daylio which can help if you don't have time or don't want to write a lot. They're pretty good because you can see what made you happy, so you can do those activities again in the future.

If you don't feel comfortable enough talking to people, would it be easier to talk to a mental health chatbot? I like using Woebot and Replika but there are a lot of ones around. They're really helpful when I want to vent about something but don't want to tell anyone about it. They can also track your mood and suggest ways to feel better.

Re: [tw] Not feeling the best...

@not-an-otter sorry that I haven't been on your thread much... 

How has everything been going?

In case it hasn't been great, I found you an otter gif: