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Re: tw: please stop

@litgym people do care but it is hard to feel that caring through a computer screen. you arent nobody. 

Re: tw: please stop

Hey there @litgym, are you safe?

 

I can understand how overwhelming these thoughts must be right now. It is difficult to see our own worth when we're feeling upset. Although it is hard to see it now, there are people who care about you. Firstly, all of us here on RO think you are a wonderful person! You offer amazing and empathetic support, positive threads and posts and great reflections on what you need for your own mental health. Some of the other people you've talked about on here, such as your great GP and your favourite teacher care. 

 

I remember awhile ago you shared a picture of some messages on your mirror, from some other users? Do you think finding some more messages would be helpful to add to those? It's okay to have these feelings, feeling like nothing can be overpowering but sometimes little reminders like those can help us remember that we aren't nothing. 


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I am finishing with ReachOut this week, say good-bye here. I'll miss you all!

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Re: tw: please stop

erghhh i don’t want to be safe at all, i want to be dead !! im not sure how much longer im going to last Smiley Sad i feel the need to say im safe but ergh idk fine ill be safe. but the whole question “are you safe?” drives my head in and makes me feel worse @Jay-RO

 

well you can believe that but in my fucking daily life I am NOTHING ! 

 

i don’t want to look at any of them. my khl counsellor is one of them and ERGHHH i wish i could ********. and the other one is annabeth and she isn’t around any more so i don’t want to think about that. i can’t be fucked, positivity is shit

Re: tw: please stop

Hey @litgym, haven't been on the forums much today, but just wanted to jump on and say - we hear how much you're hurting right now. 

Ignore positivity if it's not helping.  Sometimes you just need to sit in all the feelings, and ride the wave.  No feeling lasts forever (it's not possible biologically), and you will surface from the wave on the other side (probably exhausted and with tangled hair). 

 

We believe in you, and we have seen SO much resilience, strength, and compassion for others. 

 

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I'm leaving ReachOut on the 5th of June Smiley Sad Say goodbye here

Re: tw: please stop

definitely have messy hair right now ! @gina-RO ive been hurting since yesterday at 4 Smiley Sad it’s more than a wave. i just keep beating up (mentally not physically) myself about triggering situations. im just over this and at the last straw to be honest Smiley Sad

Re: tw: please stop

@litgym I also have messy hair right now. Let's start a messy hair club? Smiley Happy

 

Ugh, it's so tough trying to stop beating ourselves up. isn't it? Smiley Sad

I want to send you positivity and love through the forums. You are a valued part of our community. Could you maybe rewrite those lovely messages on your mirror? I find that sometimes when I'm beating myself up, just reading those words isn't enough. I have to say them out loud or write them down over and over again before I can even come CLOSE to believing them. And I WANT you to believe them.

 

litgym - you are so important and strong and capable and kind. Sending you so much support!! Smiley Happy 

// Spiral outward, keep going. //

Re: tw: please stop

haha yeah ! @letitgo

 

i just can’t bare look at them expect for @gina-RO‘s, the others is my khl counsellor and i hate her. and the other one is @annabethxchase and i miss her so much Smiley Sad ill write out more tomorrow, like the nice message you wrote above Smiley Happy

 

so i spoke to khl and it didn’t turn out great. i was being super aggressive and swearing a lot to this poor counsellor. i was also bitching about my counsellor to her oops. i than started asking to talk to her supervisor, so they are going to call me tomorrow. i also started to threaten to hurt them and myself. i just can’t handle situations like these well. they are too emotional and distressing for me so my defence is to be aggressive whether that’s to them or myself.

i am safe unfortunately erghhhhh

Re: tw: please stop

Hey @litgym - sounds like it was an emotional evening yesterday. 

 It can be really hard to feel regret and confusion over why your emotions lead you to behave in certain ways such as the aggression you experienced - but often these outbursts are from a real place of pain and hurt. So go easy on yourself today. 

Try to practice as much self-compassion as you can today. You are doing the best you can with what you've got right now in terms of emotional resources! 

 

When you're feeling the way you were yesterday - it sounds like talking to a counsellor wasn't actually that helpful - do you think you could have done something else instead? Maybe journalling, or doing some exercise?  Just ideas. 

 

I like what @letitgo suggested about the notes - write out some new ones based on some lovely things that people have said on the forum - maybe you could even challenge yourself to write something nice to yourself? 

Heart

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I'm leaving ReachOut on the 5th of June Smiley Sad Say goodbye here

Re: tw: please stop

well i needed to talk to khl about how they’ve been treating me and have been requesting to speak to their supervisors for quite sometime @gina-RO thankfully they should be calling me sometime today. 

 

i saw my psychiatrist today and he said i have emerging bdp so at least that helps to know why i have these sudden episodes of rage ! mum and i are in a fight now because im frustrated with life and now she is slamming everything ERGHH fucking trigger. now im having very intense thoughts of killing myself or hurting someone else. i just want to go to ED ffs. im safe ffs

Re: tw: please stop

If you think it's helpful to express how you feel you've been treated by KHL then it is important that you do. I hope the conversation with them  is productive and helps you move forward with them as a support. 

Glad to hear you saw your psychiatrist and got some insight about what's going on for you.

 

If you think that ED is the best place for you at the moment - perhaps that's what you should do?  What are the steps to getting to ED?

 

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I'm leaving ReachOut on the 5th of June Smiley Sad Say goodbye here