ugly thoughts

[keezeik]

I don't know why, and I have been doing this for a while now but I always wish for something really bad to happen to me or anyone I am close to. It's more of a thing that just happens in my thoughts, kind of like a subconcious thing. I wish it would stop but I don't know how, and then I start to think that it may come true, and sometimes it does coincidentally and I think it's kind of my fault.

[Jess1-RO]

Hi @keezeik,

Thank you for reaching out to us and posting what is happening for you right now, it sounds like these thoughts have been around for a while, is that right? I can see from your post that you have some really great self awareness about the thoughts and have reflected that they might be happening subconsciously. At the same time, I acknowledge the guilt when something does happen must be really tough to feel 

Have you spoken to anyone about these thoughts before? 

[scared01]

hey @keezeik that sounds like it can be quite distressing at times. i dont know much of your story but do you think there could be something triggerring these thoughts? some people wish for something bad to happen to them so that they can feel genuine love, concern and have a chance to be cared for rather than caring for others. THIS IS NOT AN ACT OF ATTENTION SEEKING! just putting that out there in case someone thinks its a form of attention seeking- IT IS NOT.

do you have someone you could talk to about these thoughts?

[keezeik]

@Jess1-RO, I started to mention it with my psychiatrist, but we haven't really touched upon that topic as of yet, as I am overseas at the moment, so I'll probably start talking to her about it when I get back. @scared01, that could be true, I think though it's also if I don't do something, something bad will happen. I am not sure how I can stop such thoughts, it's become really annoying, and I would like to find ways I can stop thinking in that sense.....

[lokifish]

@keezeikbeing overseas definitely makes things a little tricky. Hopefully your psychiatrist is able help once you're back

In terms of dealing with the thoughts, have you tried to disengage with them before? I know some people like to think of an enormous red stop sign whenever they have the thought, and then try and direct their attention elsewhere (to something you can see/hear/feel etc... kind of like the 5 things game). Personally I'm a fan of literally telling my thoughts to "fuck off"

Brain: "I'm a stupid piece of shit"

Me: "Fuck off"

Both of those might seem a little weird or crass (just sliiighyly crass ) but it could be worth a shot? The idea is just to come back at the thoughts with something to stop them in their tracks for a second.

What do you think?

[scared01]

i see, well that does make sense @keezeik could you perhaps try thought challanging?

[RockPaperScissorsMelon]

Hey @keezeik, I'm sorry to hear about what you're going through. It sounds like it's been tough to deal with it. Have you tried anything the others have posted about though? It's really important to find the coping strategies and self-care techniques that work best for you. We'd love to hear how you're going and we're thinking about you. 

[keezeik]

@lokifish heheh all good I've done similar things where what I'll do is if I feel like I'm going to think about something bad I quickly change it to something good - but think also just telling those throughts to 'fuck off' is also a good idea you kniw? @scared01 what exactly is thought challenging? @RockPaperScissorsMelon not yet but i will!

[scared01]

Thought challanging

this link might explain it better than i can @keezeik

[peacelovepizza]

Hey @keezeik! 

How are you going with this? If you are still struggling, don't be afraid to reach out!

I know it is hard being away from help (I have my psychologist on speed dial!) but the forums can be a safe space to chat until you are home. 

Sending positive thoughts!