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uncomfortable

last night my friend started a live with me and her friend kept telling us to make out and do inappropriate stuff, i left because i was uncomfortable, she said it was funny. i went downstairs to calm down with her cat. when i walked back up i heard her misgendering me and saying "i thought i was her friend not the damn cat" she then started another live a bit later, even though i clearly didn't want to. before she started it she said "(her boyfriend) wont be on and (my partner) wont be on we can do whatever we want we can make out we can dance we can take our shirts off." i didn't respond and stayed lying on the floor. she started trying to pull me up to go on the live with her. her friend came on the live and i said something rude that i shouldn't have because i was angry. she started shouting at me and i went downstairs and left her house. (bearing in mind it was dark.) and i started running. when i finally got back i ranted to her mum about how child services came to my house recently. i was crying and when my friend got back from looking for me she was laughing. i feel so uncomfortable and upset. today she acted like nothing happened. i know i should talk to her but i don't know i feel like shit about it. i was assaulted and groomed 2 years ago (why child services came to my house like 3 days before) i know how it feels when a friend says they're uncomfortable with you. i don't want to hurt her.

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Re: uncomfortable

sorry that was a long one,
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Re: uncomfortable

Hey @lpdkojnkbhsc  this sounds like a really horrible situation, I'm sorry you had to go through that. I'm hearing your friend has disrespected your wishes and crossed your boundaries and you don't deserve to be treated that way.  Setting your boundaries and leaving that situation when it felt uncomfortable was the right decision and took a lot of courage- No one should force or pressure you to do anything you don't want to do. 
It is totally understandable that you're feeling uncomfortable and upset. We are a bit concerned for you and your friend that you were encouraged by someone on live cam, would you be comfortable to share how old the friend on the other side of the live camera was?Was it someone you knew?
 
It can be so hard to tell a friend that they've made you uncomfortable or that they've hurt you. And I totally get that you don't want to make her feel bad, but you have a right to feel safe and have your friends respect your boundaries and feelings.  We would really encourage you to tell a trusted adult about this. Can you think of someone in your life, maybe family member, who you could let know what happened?

I also want to check in around what you've said about child services, are you getting support around this? I'm so sorry you had to go through such an awful thing, do you want to tell us more about what is going on for you with that?

We are here to listen and support you, and really value your wellbeing.

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Re: uncomfortable

the dude was around 15-17 and im 14. i talked to child services and it was really stressful. i dont feel comfy around her at all atm and i talked to her a little bit at lunch but it wasnt very rewarding, i didnt say much and neither did she.

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Re: uncomfortable

Aw @lpdkojnkbhsc that sounds like really yuck situation for you to be in. I think it's perfectly okay to distance yourself from this friend if she's been making you uncomfortable and not respecting your pronouns + boundaries. 

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Re: uncomfortable

hi @lpdkojnkbhsc  she doesnt sound like  a very good friend to me, friends dont do that to each other. 

can i ask if you have other friends you can talk to at lunch and reccess?

**NEVER be afraid to ask for help because you're WORTH it!**
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Re: uncomfortable

Hey @lpdkojnkbhsc

I thought I would jump on and share some thoughts. This sounds like a very uncomfortable and anxiety-inducing experience. I'm so sorry you have needed to deal with this.

Whilst I cannot fully relate to this experience, I know when I have a friend that is making me feel uncomfortable, I need to distance myself, at least for a little and talk with a friend/ family member who I know 100% has my back. This always helps ground me and reminds me of what truly good friends are like. You're boundaries deserve to be respected so I think voicing your experience on here is really brave and strong.

Please feel free to keep this thread updated with any feelings/ thoughts you are having.

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Re: uncomfortable

Hey @lpdkojnkbhsc 

 

I just thought I'd check in to see how you're doing? It seems like a very awkward and distressing situation, so I hope things have improved for you. In cases such as yours it can be incredibly difficult to resist peer pressure, so well done for standing your ground and leaving when you no longer felt comfortable. 

 

From what you've described, it sounds like your friend wasn't really acting like a friend. So I completely understand why you got angry at her. Perhaps you could speak to another close friend or your partner? They might be able to help just by listening to you. I know that when I've confided in a friend I feel a lot more relieved as if the weight of the problem has lifted from my shoulders.

 

Remember: What is best for you is all that matters, stay safe and stay strong!

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Re: uncomfortable

Hey, sorry to hear all this. Although I haven't been groomed, i was molested at a young age by someone i trusted so I know how confusing all this is. I just wanted to let you know you're not alone with that. it's (unfortunately) quite common.

 

About your friend, I don't want to make assumptions because i don't know your friend like you do but based on what you were saying, the person doesn't seem like a friend, at least not to me. I feel like we may surround ourselves with people we think we deserve or perhaps, people that have once been good to us but may have their off days. But in this case, you were clearly uncomfortable about the situation, not only that, but the person was belittling your feelings. I don't think good friends do that.

 

A famous psychologist/professor worded it this way (and it forever clicked in my mind): a friend is two things. 1) they will celebrate you when things are good and 2) they will be there when things are bad. Only those two things. I feel like the second one applies to your experiences, because when you felt uncomfortable, that friend should've supported your feelings and stopped.

 

These are just my thoughts. I know it's a lot and often times friendships get confusing. I hope you can surround yourself with friends who value your feelings and respect your wishes. You deserve that.