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where to from here

Last night I had my first counselling session in a few years.

When I was nearly 16 I was taken in foster care because my dad was psycially and verbally abusive, he would come home drunk and on drugs everynight and would bash me, my siblings and my mum. i was too scared, embarassed and ashamed to speak up, especially when there were threats from Dad that he could do worse if I said anything to anyone. It was a horrible environment to live in, I'd hide from him but it never worked. My school caught on, and thank god they did. 

 

When I first went into foster care they made me go to counselling but I hated it. I went but I didnt say anything. it was all bullshit to me, and far too raw to talk about. 

But I tried again, went to eheadspace, had a chat online with someone from headspace for a while, it was difficult and I don't know where to go from here, I don't think I want to get counselling but I know i need it as I have horrible thoughts and memories that keep coming back and i need to talk about things. 

//You can stay afraid, or slit the throat of fear and be brave//

Re: where to from here

Hi j95 and welcome to ReachOut. 

 

It couldn't of been easy, living through what you have but it is great that you have moved away from the problem. Counselling can be tough and it's great that you have acknowledged the fact that you need it for yourself, it can always been tough, pushing yourself to get counselling. How was it last night? Did you feel relieved for being able to talk about it? Perhaps using the online counselling services rather than face to face is a better solution for you. Having online web chats with eheadspace or using over the phone methods can be more rewarding for you. 

 

Is foster care an issue for you at all? Do you find that it's a struggle or is it okay for you? Also, do you have any friends or other family members you can talk to, not professionally but just for support? Sometimes friends or family can help you push through these thoughts and memories. 

 

I hope you find the answers you are looking for, if not here, then elsewhere. You are a very brave and strong person.

I apologise if I have offended you at all.

N1ghtW1ng. 

 

Re: where to from here

I'm so glad I'm out of there, home was a horrible and scary place for me. 

 

Last night was ok, long wait but it was good to get it all out. I find that its better with someone you don't know personally. 

 

I'm out of foster care now as I'm nearly 19. I tried not  to hate it, if that makes sense. I just lived with it - you know the being shoved around different families. It wasnt great but I knew it was so so so much better than where I was. 

//You can stay afraid, or slit the throat of fear and be brave//

Re: where to from here

Hey @j95
It is terrible that you went through this at such a young age and it is great that the school did something about it. It is so amazing that you tried again, that is amazingly strong and the first time is always hard I think and I hope it gets easier on you. Keep on keeping on and stay strong.

One thing I would suggest, SELF CARE, take great care of yourself and make sure you dedicate time everyday just to make you feel good and happy.

Take care, let us know how you go

Great first step Smiley Happy
_________________________________________________
**Believe in the power of you because you are your own hero**

Re: where to from here

hey @j95 - it's really awesome that you can acknowledge the benefits of talking to a counsellor and reached out on your own to talk to one! It's definitely a bit scary when you start, and can make you feel self-conscious or even embarrassed, but it does get better - especially once you build some trust with your counsellor. We even talked about it in a Getting Real session not long ago.

Have you considered going into a Headspace Centre, if there's one near you? You could also see a GP for a referral. Not everyone clicks with the first counsellor they see, so if you start seeing one and you don't feel like it's working, feel free to try someone different. And of course, we're always here on Reach Out to chat and listen!

Re: where to from here

hey @j95 

it can be hard at first to tell someone you barely know your deep dark thoughts and feelings

I think once you get to know them and build some rapport you might feel better, and when you feel that its benefitting you aswell

Its great that you are giving it another go though, sometimes we have to do things we dont really like for the long term benefits of them.. thats really mature of you to make the decision though! change is way easier said that done so good on you Smiley Happy

you are so brave and im really glad you came and posted on Reachout,

Re: where to from here

Yeah Headspace was where I went for the face to face counselling, once I feel more comfortable about the whole idea I'll probably go there
//You can stay afraid, or slit the throat of fear and be brave//

Re: where to from here

I saw dad at the supermarket, which shouldn't of happened - he should be in jail. It makes me angry seeing his face and he wouldn't leave me alone, he kept asking about mum and the rest of the family. He has no right to know that stuff, if he chose to be decent part of our lives years and years ago then he would know. But he doesn't need to know. I just wanted to get away and I did, I went home as quick as I could.
//You can stay afraid, or slit the throat of fear and be brave//

Re: where to from here

Hey j95, it's great that you are going to return to Headspace. Do you see the same person or a different one? If it's the same person then maybe you could both chat about trivial things like movies, to raise your confidence and trust. If that's something that might help make you feel more comfortable.

Did you tell anyone about meeting your dad? You're right though, he doesn't need to know that stuff. It is your decision whether or not to trust him.

I hope you are doing well Smiley Happy

Re: where to from here

I'm not sure as it was years ago that I was there having face to face counselling and the person I've spoken to on Eheadspace is not availible at Headspace Collingwood.

 

I don't trust him, and never will, nobody in our family will. He can say he's sorry all he likes, but I'm never ever forgiving him for the years of torture he put my family through, sorry doesnt cut it. He was asking where we all live now and what Mum's up to, I just told him to fuck off. 

Nobody knows I saw him, but I'm a little bit scared knowing he's out there and now  I THINK he knows what area I live in.... 

 

Hmmm.

 

 

//You can stay afraid, or slit the throat of fear and be brave//