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Re: why cant i beat this :(

triggers suck and anxiety sucks @DirtWitch 

they need to find a cure for it.

 

the interest group is a horse riding thing. i dont ride and i dont have much interest in horses anymore. i feel like im poking around with something that has really jsut lost all its spark and wont ever be lit again. i actually hate going to the horses now.

 

yes paddock cleaning is hard harder with physical issues but i need something else to do rather than hate being at the horses or my anxiety. and i get abit of extra cash for it.

 

oh wow graduating thats pretty awesome! what are you studying? what are you hoping to do when you finish?

 

**NEVER be afraid to ask for help because you're WORTH it!**

Re: why cant i beat this :(

@scared01 I actually study psychology! I was thinking about keeping studying after I graduate but my future is pretty uncertain because it's a very high pressure environment. I also experience some pretty intense anxiety about it and I try not to get too attached to the feeling/become the watcher of my emotions. I've been doing a lot of reading and they actually say that the reason you suffer isn't because you experience anxiety but that you identify with it! I'm not sure if I entirely agree but it's sort of like...I have nothing left to lose so might as well, haha.

 

It really sucks when you something love loses its spark. Has this ever happened to you before when you were depressed? Have you been enjoying doing other stuff like listening to music, drawing etc.? I think it's also really cool that you draw--what kind of tools do you like to use?

Re: why cant i beat this :(

@DirtWitch

thats cool. i studied a small course on psychology too. not enough to go towards anything, just a certificate of achievement.

 

not like this, ive never lost a spark like this before. its pretty bad actually. if it keeps going i may as well sell up.

i havent been drawing no, listening to music yes but thats about it. im too busy at the moment.

i mainly jsut use pencils, but sometimes ill use watercolour pencils too

**NEVER be afraid to ask for help because you're WORTH it!**
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Re: why cant i beat this :(

@scared01 A certificate is still pretty good! Have you ever thought about volunteering at a health centre or organisation? I bet your skills and your experiences would be really valuable and it can be really enjoyable. 

 

What's happening to you right now seems unusual, and I can understand why you would want to sell up. But it also sounds like a really big and permanent decision so I hope you can talk to people like your psychologist and your family before it happens. And sometimes it helps to switch to something else entirely and come back to horses later.

 

I really like using pencils to draw too. In general I'm pretty finicky with detail so the precision that pencils give you is really good. One day I would love to draw better with charcoal but it seems like that day is very far off Smiley Sad

 

Re: why cant i beat this :(

hi @DirtWitch

i ahve considered volunterring but working a full time job, a job on the side as well as caring for sisters and my own horse as well as trying to get to appointments, study and have some sot of free time i wouldnt have time and im not stable enough to commit to that sort of thing yet.

but im looking into other things for later in life but right now i cant do too much more commitment.

 

im afraid if i sell up ill regret it because its abit of an escape even if i jsut sit at the paddock and dont even touch my horse. i have a feeling id hate myself if i sold up, plus one of my nans last things that she said to me was ' i hope you never give up riding, you have a talent and i can see how much the horses love you' and this is coming from someone who would rather have a few fences between her and a horse.

 

 

this is alll my art stuff. the only things i dont know how to use are the charcoal and the pastel pencils. ive only jsut started drawing this year. so ive still got lota lota leraning to do yet. @DirtWitch

20170801_125222.jpg

**NEVER be afraid to ask for help because you're WORTH it!**

Re: why cant i beat this :(

Panic does end.  Think of when you have felt that way before and KNOW that even though it feels like it will never end.  IT WILL END.

Re: why cant i beat this :(

I loooooove that picture of your art stuff @scared01, it looks so cool! Do you have any particular piece or form of art that you're working on at the moment?

 

I can see how your nan's words about you and the horses could really influence you to want to stick with them and I'm glad to hear they can be an escape even if you're just sitting at the paddock. 

// Spiral outward, keep going. //

Re: why cant i beat this :(

2017-08-03 10.54.26.jpg

 

 

images-267.jpg

 

 

I did this one last night @letitgo 

Im not really happy with the nottom stones though so i might redo the whole picture and make the bottom 3 stones like the top 3 stones 

**NEVER be afraid to ask for help because you're WORTH it!**

Re: why cant i beat this :(

hey @scared01, how have you been?

 

It sounds like you're really busy! I know that for me and other people I deliberately commit to a lot when I'm depressed to force myself out of the house, but sometimes a lot of obligations can also create pressure. I hope that once things have settled down more you can look into doing other stuff you enjoy, like possibly volunteering. 

 

Your nan sounds really cool. Maybe even if you feel like the spark is out of horses right now you could keep them around and sleep on the decision? I know it must be hard being with them so much when you have this feeling but making a really big decision like this when you know you're really depressed/in an extreme mood state might also lead you to regret things later.

 

It looks like you're in really good shape with art supplies Smiley Happy Also I really like your work with the pebbles; water is one of the hardest things to capture with drawing so the fact that you've managed to depict the movement and ripples of the water is really impressive!

Re: why cant i beat this :(

hi @DirtWitch

ill write a better response to you. one that you deserve but at the moment im not really handling things to well

**NEVER be afraid to ask for help because you're WORTH it!**