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why cant i beat this :(

depression sucks
it sucks
it really really sucks
i hate it
its destroying me
its destroying my life
why the heck cant i beat this crap
i cant- thats why- im stupid and dont have the power to control it. it controls me and i cant stop it.
its like a massive freight train pushing me along all the time
i hate it

**NEVER be afraid to ask for help because you're WORTH it!**

Re: why cant i beat this :(

Hey there @scared01, I know you are saying you can't control your depression right now, I'm worried and would like to see what might be helpful for you tonight on the forums? Sally

Re: why cant i beat this :(

@TOM-RO

i dont know

i dont know what anyone can do

it taken over me and i dont think i an do much to get out of it.

thr stupid black dog is back and i cant get rid of it.

its a shadow and it never goes away only gets worse

**NEVER be afraid to ask for help because you're WORTH it!**

Re: why cant i beat this :(

what do i do @TOM-RO

 

my depression is through the floor and im confused and i dont know what to do

**NEVER be afraid to ask for help because you're WORTH it!**

Re: why cant i beat this :(

@scared01 the best place to start is maybe think about what coping strategies you have already? If this seems a bit tough - calling through to Kids Helpline or Lifeline may help because they are trained professionals in dealing with depression when it becomes too much in the moment, and talking it out may give you some comfort and reassurance that you can get through this. We are here so you know you are not alone!

Re: why cant i beat this :(

coping strategies that usally work:

artwork

listening to msuic

being busy

poem writing

having a a shower

studying

 

 

ive organised my bills to pay tomorrow. i have them sitting under my wallet on the table so i wont forget them, had a shower, did studying but cant concentrate, listened to music and still doing so now, done some art- drew 2 pictures.

so i have been trying even before i posted on here. im out of ideas for depression.

th next step is SH

 

sometimes i do though challanging and mindfullness and deep breathing but it doesnt work for depression

**NEVER be afraid to ask for help because you're WORTH it!**

Re: why cant i beat this :(

Sounds like you have tried to be very, very, productive @scared01

What do you have on for the rest of the night? Hopefully we can work with you on keeping safe - otherwise calling Lifeline or Suicide Call Back Service to come up with a safety plan might be best.

Re: why cant i beat this :(

I have @TOM-RO

And through the day id been paddock cleaning. 

 

I know when its bad. 

I stop liking horses. And thats whats happening. I dont want to be there in fact its one of the last places i want to be along side being at home. 

 

I went there today and literally hated being there and with my new horse. I ended up getting out of there as fast  i could. 

I know if i sell ill regret it but i dont know what else to do. Seems its just another bill and something else to argue about.  

 

I drew another drawing but i cant be bothered. I just scribble then get frustrated an rip it up. 

 

I dont know what more to do. 

 

Ive encountered 2 triggers tonight and i hit a high but another sign ive relapsed. My depression takes over the anxiety anf it only lasts for about half an hour or it just makes my depression worse. 

I ront know how i can change so damn quick. Quicker thsn a blink of an eye. 

Hslf the time i dont know whether im anxious or depressed anf by the timr ive worked it out its changed again. 

**NEVER be afraid to ask for help because you're WORTH it!**

Re: why cant i beat this :(

hey @scared01, I hope it's okay that I'm joining in on the convo. Right now it seems like you're feeling really upset (and understandably) so and helpless because it seems like your depression and anxiety are taking over you and there's nothing you can do about it. I agree with @TOM-RO that you are doing a lot of really great things for yourself. It's really admirable that even if you might not feel great right now, you are taking these steps to care for yourself and moving in the right direction.

 

I'm not going to offer any suggestions for distractions because I feel like you know more about what activities you enjoy than I do. Whenever I have a depressive episode, there are some things I do to try and make the episode less intense. Sometimes it helps to remind myself that even though it feels like shit, whatever emotion I'm experiencing is temporary...it rises but also falls and that's how it's always been. In the past I have handled these episodes and I will handle this one too.

 

I also try to notice how my own reactions to my depression might make myself feel worse: am I scared of my depression? Am I struggling against it and what thoughts am I having about it? Are there any beliefs I have about the depression that I am treating like is true? (e.g. I can't handle another depressive episode, everything will always be shit, etc.) Sometimes even if I can't do anything about these things, being aware of them gives me some more control about how I respond to my depression, and sometimes I even try to be soft and compassionate to my depression. I see it as a really scared and sad child and try to think soothing thoughts to it.  

 

If you can concentrate maybe you can try doing a guided meditation to accept whatever you are feeling. There are some exercises here that you might find helpful to try out, especially the ones on noting emotions in your body and the body scans.

Re: why cant i beat this :(

@DirtWitch wow thank you!

 

my anxiety and depression always take over me. it really is a dreadful thing and i can never seem to stop it.

i describe it like a bull at a gate coming at full speed. knocking everyone and everything out of the way to make space for it. it never seems to creep in slowly so i can catch it. my moods are extreme. i was diagnosed with BPD 2 days ago which has helped me realsie why i am like that but becasue  im so mood unstable its crap!

 

i am scared of it, of all of it and i cant seem to control the fear either. i know its not going to k**l me but it still scares the shite out of me. it really does.

 

**NEVER be afraid to ask for help because you're WORTH it!**