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Re: Let's Chat: The Year 2020

Hello @KoalaRoo7, I am sorry to hear about how difficult this year has been for you. I can't imagine how hard it must have been for you to deal with the lockdown troubles, the passing of your grandparent, and the loss of friends over this year. Saying goodbye can be such a tough thing to do. You also mentioned that your Aunty is managing dementia, which must be such a hard thing for you to go through. Have you been able to talk with some of your family or maybe some friends about how you have been feeling lately? Talking to family/friends or even professionals and getting some support can be quite helpful. It's really awesome that you are still looking at the positives of this year though! Congratulations on your success this year and good luck on getting your drivers license! How exciting Smiley Happy

Re: Let's Chat: The Year 2020

Thank you for making this thread, and thank you to everyone who shared a bit about their lives, it's a really good reminder that much is going on behind the scenes even if people don't show it. My heart really goes out for you guys @WheresMySquishy;@Wathan;@KoalaRoo7, I really feel you on the cancer/death of loved ones. I'm just a random on the internet but I really hope you guys find the solace you need and cherish the time you have/had, and just a reminder that many people on this forum are here to lend an ear if you ever need it.

This year I found out my dad had stage 4 prostate cancer (he rarely had checkups before so we had no idea) and it's been awfully strange dealing with the prospect of him passing away so soon. I feel like I have so much I need to resolve before it happens? We never had a good relationship, which makes things incredibly complicated, but I still love him as my dad, and this news gave me a whirlwind of 1000 different emotions and it's all been so confusing and exhausting to figure out. All of this has really made me really re-evaluate my life and priorities, and I know there is much to work on with our relationship, or I might regret it for the rest of my life. I think this stress + anxiety over doing well enough at uni (needing an 85+ average WAM) and being mistreated at work have really had its toll on my mental health this year, but I'm glad that I'm at a stage now where I can consciously make the effort to actually self care and give myself a break without feeling like it's "wrong". This has been a huge change for me and I hope many others have also come to the realisation that their mental health is incredibly important and worth nurturing. <3

Re: Let's Chat: The Year 2020

That sounds like an incredibly difficult year to have on its own, let alone have happen simultaneously during 2020/Covid @Gbear. I am so sorry to hear about your dad getting cancer. It's incredibly difficult for us when our loved ones get sick, and often we can feel a bit helpless to do anything in the situation. It really beautiful that you've been able to take some time to really focus on being with your dad, and working on that relationship, as you mentioned. Are their any lovely memories that you have of some of the stuff that you've done together recently that you would want to share with us? 💖

Re: Let's Chat: The Year 2020

Thank you Andrea. Honestly, it's hard to answer that question because as much as I know I should be making more effort to reconnect with him, it's not easy given the type of person he is. I think it took me many years to understand that his expression of love is just different to mine; I need verbal, physical and emotional intimacy, whereas his is more "cutting up fruit" and acts of service. I guess I bought him a new phone for Christmas which I know he appreciates even though he doesn't show it. Apart from that it's made me realise there's a lot I need to work on still.

I'll be seeing a psych soon to unpack all of these layers so I think that's another good thing to take from 2020, since it's been years since I last went to therapy. I think reading posts on this forum also helps contextualise my problems to remind me that I'm not alone in dealing with all these complications, so I'm grateful for that as well.

Re: Let's Chat: The Year 2020

hey @Gbear, I'm so sorry to hear about your dad, and it seems like that you've had a lot of other stuff on your plate as well this year with uni and work. 

 

For what it's worth, I think that you are doing a great job of handling everything, both in setting out these priorities and also recognising the need to care for your own mental health and wellbeing; I hope that your first session with the psych goes well!

 

I also think you could consider being more gentle with yourself in terms of what you should or shouldn't be doing with your dad; our relationships with our parents can be really messy and complicated. It makes sense that you want to have a good relationship with your dad and to connect with him, but it also makes sense that you would be having a lot of other difficult emotions about this, and I think it's okay to take your time to process and give yourself space to feel them, as well.