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Portia_RO
Star contributor

Hi everyone!

 

This week's topic is incredibly close to my heart as I struggle with OCD myself. I got diagnosed by a psychologist when I was 18, but I can vividly remember having terrible intrusive thoughts that I couldn't get out of my head from the time that I was 10 years old. 

 

Like many other people, my OCD involves two main components:

  • Obsessions, which are intrusive thoughts and worries that make me feel incredibly anxious, afraid, or guilty
  • Compulsions, which are the rituals or behaviours I put in place to neutralise or stop the intrusive thoughts from bothering me

Obsessions can come in all shapes and sizes. For some people, it involves worries about harming themselves or others, loved ones getting hurt or dying, intrusive sexual thoughts, concerns about getting sick, worries about being cheated on or being in the wrong relationship...basically anything that sounds scary or horrible.

 

Compulsions are just as diverse. Sometimes they are physical rituals, like tapping, cleaning, making lists and checking; other times they are mental rituals, like counting, ruminating, or trying to suppress thoughts.

 

As you'll see from Maddie's story tonight, OCD doesn't always look like the stereotype people imagine - not everyone with OCD is clean and tidy or has worries about their hygiene. Sure, for some of us, that's definitely the case, but OCD can come in lots of different forms. You'll also see from Maddie's story that you can learn to manage and overcome OCD with the right help and that you don't have to battle this condition alone ❤️

Here's what Maddie has to say:

 

"Hi, I'm Maddie and I'm 21 years old. At the moment I work as a waiter at an Italian restaurant. I am just about to commence a Diploma of Emergency Health Care; this will serve as a pathway into a Bachelor of Paramedicine. My career goal at the moment is to become a paramedic, I came to this conclusion after a long period of uncertainty.  My hobbies include playing video games, going to the gym and hanging out with friends. My pets include my Moodle Maisy, my Border Collie Pippy and my snake Slinky."

 

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"I didn’t realise I had OCD until I was in high school around 16. I mean, it was always around but I just thought it was a normal thing, then it got pretty bad and it was causing me to get quite stressed and anxious. 

 

I started doing a lot of rituals to stop bad things from happening and sometimes I would be late for school with the number of times I would have to change my uniform because “it didn’t feel right”. This was also around the time I got my first girlfriend so having someone I cared about a lot gave me more of a reason to give into the compulsions. 

 

After dealing with this for a bit my Mum practically forced me to go to a psychologist which was a good thing. When I first went, I was quite nervous and thought it might be strange talking about my problems to a stranger but it turned out to be very helpful to have someone makes sense of what I was going through, she was able to explain to me that what I was going through was OCD and gave me some techniques to manage it."

"I wasn’t really surprised I had OCD because my dad has it, obviously I wasn’t thrilled to have it but at least I knew what was causing my issues.

 

OCD for me does not at all look like constantly cleaning, in fact my friends would probably call me quite a messy person. My OCD mostly revolves around the people I love and care about, basically if I don’t do something a certain number of times (i.e. touch my head 3 times) something bad will happen to someone I care about. I also struggle with intrusive thoughts, mostly really unpleasant things that I cannot get out of my head. I also struggle with overthinking and I can become fixated on really morbid things for a period of time.

I have some tactics to help with these issues for example when I think I need to do this or something bad will happen to someone I love, I try to let myself ride out the anxiety rather than indulge myself because once I do the ritual, I will just end up needing to do it again and again. 

 

I find that when I am more active, working and keeping my mind busy I have less time to obsess about things so having a schedule can really help me."

 

"My advice to anyone that is scared to tell people about their scary thoughts would be that you really aren't alone with them and that you definitely wouldn’t be the first person to think about them and it doesn’t make you a bad person to have scary intrusive thoughts. I was once scared to tell people about my thoughts, thinking they would think of me differently but after telling them not only did they assure me I wasn’t a bad person they also told me they have thought about the same things before."

 

You Are Not Alone Mood GIF by The Good Type Co

I can definitely relate to what Maddie has shared tonight. Dealing with OCD alone can feel like you're going round and round in circles and never getting anywhere. Like her, I find it really helpful to keep my schedule busy - if I have more on my plate, I have less time to think about my obsessions. Seeing a psychologist has also been life-changing. With the help of a good therapist, I started Exposure and Response Prevention therapy, which exposes you to your worst fears, and then helps you do away with the safety behaviours that you engage in to try and fight the thoughts off. At first, it was scary. Terrifying even. I felt like something bad would happen if I didn't do my compulsions, or that I was a bad person for just having these thoughts and not doing anything about them.

 

But, eventually, with time and support, the anxiety went away. I realised that thoughts are just thoughts, not reality, and that compulsions only strengthen the OCD cycle by telling my brain that the scary thoughts are important. Sometimes, weird and scary thoughts still pop into my head, but now I know that if I don't give them attention and just carry on with what I'm doing, my brain will eventually lose interest and let these thoughts go. 

 

Now, 5 years after getting my diagnosis, OCD makes up about 1% of my day instead of 99%. For the longest time, OCD ruled everything I said and did, but now it lives in the background of my mind. I still carry around some weird thoughts and the anxiety they sometimes bring with them, but now I know that they don't mean anything and that they will fade away if I leave them alone. I may have OCD, but OCD doesn't have me. 

 

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If you or someone you love is experiencing OCD, feel free to check out our article on how to deal with OCD or take a look at these resources from the International OCD Foundation.

 

If tonight's Weekly Wellbeing has brought up any difficult thoughts or feelings for you, please feel free to join in the conversation and let us know what you're going through. If you need to talk to someone tonight or you're in a crisis, call Lifeline on 13 11 14 or Kids Helpline on 1800 55 1800. If you're not up to talking, they also have online chat and text services.