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Portia_RO
Star contributor

Evening everyone 😎

 

Whether you're on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Snapchat or TikTok, social media has a funny way of integrating itself into our lives. When I'm on the bus home after work, or when I jump into bed at night, often my default move is to pull out my phone and jump onto Instagram. I often scroll Facebook to check the news headlines each morning, and I keep in touch with friends and family using Messenger and Whatsapp. When my partner and I haven't seen each other in a few days, usually the first thing we do is sit down and show each other the TikToks we've saved that we thought the other person might like.

 

As you can see, social media isn't inherently a bad thing. It can fill in time, offer us a distraction, make us laugh, and connect us with the ones we love.

 

Cat Love GIF by Fran Solo

 

Apparently, you can't have the good without the bad. For every helpful news article on Facebook, there's also a string of comments where people are saying hurtful things to one another. For every Instagram story showing a dog in a hat, there's also an Instagram story of someone on a magical trip to Europe that I can't afford (not that I'm jealous). For every TikTok video of someone performing a random act of kindness, there's an annoying ad trying to sell me teeth whitener.

 

It can get exhausting, seeing people put each other down, looking at celebrities living extravagant lives that seem so 'perfect', being told what you should buy or have or do to make yourself 'better'. 

 

So, my question is, how do we get more of the good and less of the bad when it comes to social media?

For me, there's a few things that I do to try and keep my social media pages looking healthy. 

 

Try doing a 'social media audit'

 

Once a year, I go through my Instagram feed and unfollow any accounts that aren’t bringing me joy or making me feel good about myself. I do this because social media is meant to be fun, not draining. It’s meant to be a place I go for a bit of a distraction from the outside world, to see what’s going on in other people’s lives, and to have a bit of a laugh. If the accounts I’m following don’t do this, I know that it’s time to make a change.

 

Sometimes, this means unfollowing or taking a break from following people I used to go to school with or friends I made at uni. Sometimes, we follow people out of a feeling of obligation rather than an actual desire to see what is going on in their lives. Other times, I unfollow celebrities that I used to be interested but don’t really care much about anymore. Most importantly, I unfollow accounts that make me frustrated or roll my eyes because their posts and stories don't align with my values and put down other people. 

 

kim kardashian instagram GIF by Bunim/Murray Productions

 

For every account I remove, I replace it with something that brings me joy. Here are a few of my favourite accounts that make me smile right now:

 

  • The Dodo - I love watching their videos about rescue animals finding forever homes, it makes me feel good about humanity 
  • Jonathan Van Ness - JVN from Queer Eye does a coffee dance every morning and I think that’s a pretty great way to start the day 
  • Celeste Barber - Celeste Barber takes body positivity and social media realness to a whole new level. I love seeing her dancing around in her underwear taking the mickey out of models because it reminds me that you don’t have to look a certain way to be confident, and that confidence comes in many forms. 

 

Steer clear of heavy content when you need to

 

Don’t get me wrong, I love a good true crime podcast or video as much as the next person, but sometimes, it can get a little heavy listening to tales of murder and loss all the time. So, there are times where I take a break from heavier content. If I’m feeling a bit low or I’m sick of seeing bad news, I try and move towards social media accounts and Youtube videos that take my mind off things, like videos of animals or comedy sketches. In time, your algorithm will adjust to the content that you're seeking out, so your FYP and recommended videos will start looking a little cheerier too. 

 

Oh No Facepalm GIF

 

I’ve also learned the hard way that just because everyone seems to be talking about a particular natural disaster or accident doesn’t mean that I need to look it up myself.

 

Sometimes there can be a bit of morbid curiosity that comes along with things like true crime or bad things happening in the world, but often, overexposing ourselves to these things can wind up making us feel down, anxious, or overwhelmed. Sometimes you might not even go looking for disturbing content, it might just pop up on your feed before anyone has a chance to take it down. You can’t unsee a disturbing video, but you can make the choice to scroll on past it or report it if you feel as though it is too violent or disturbing to be on social media. I’ve done this a number of times, and part of me feels a little bit better knowing that it might be taken down and no one else will accidentally stumble across it.

 

For some additional info on this, check out our article on dealing with disturbing videos or check out our thread on the topic here.

Set time limits

 

I don’t use social media all that often, but when I do, I get sucked down the rabbithole. I jump into bed, open Tiktok, and all of a sudden it’s 3am and I’m 50 videos deep into someone’s account watching them melt random objects in a non-stick pan. While this is clearly a very important use of my time, I know I probably should have been sleeping and that I’ll regret it tomorrow.

 

Screenshot 2022-11-10 193502.png

 

To avoid this, I try and set an alarm when I start scrolling on social media so that I don’t lose too much time. When the buzzer goes off, so does my phone. I also appreciate that TikTok has little reminder videos telling you to take a break. I know if I see one of those on my FYP that it’s probably time to take a break…even the app itself thinks so.

Post because you want to, not because you have to

 

How we post on social media can have a pretty big impact on our mental health too. Whenever I used to go to a concert or a party, or even out to dinner, I would always post a photo on my Instagram story so that the people who follow me would think that I have a fun and busy life that only involves doing excellent things.

 

Part of the issue here is that I was trying to impress the wrong people - ex-friends, ex-coworkers, ex-girlfriends. When I’d post, I’d wait to see if they saw it, and if they did, I’d feel like the night was ‘worth it’ because I seemed happy and they knew it too. 

 

Schitts Creek Smile GIF by CBC

 

Now, I realise that being so focused on who was watching me have a good time actually takes away from my ability to have a good time (it’s pretty hard to be present when you’re waiting for someone you don’t really like to provide you with some kind of external validation).

 

With that in mind, I have 3 rules for myself about posting on social media:

  1. You only get to post 1-2 stories of an event. After that, put your phone away and actually BE at the event 📵
  2. Post because something you’re seeing is genuinely beautiful, exciting or fun, not because you think it makes you ‘look’ beautiful, exciting or fun 🌻
  3. Be selective about who gets to follow you. If you wouldn’t talk to them in person, they don’t get to follow you ✔️

 

This has worked out pretty well for me. I still like to post stories on Instagram, but now I share the fun things I’m doing because I live away from family and I like to keep them in the loop. It’s nice to get a response from my aunts telling me that the concert I’m at looks awesome, or to get a call from my Nan telling me she saw a photo of me on Facebook and that she likes my new haircut. These are the people that matter to me, so sharing things with them is my main priority when I’m on social media. Everyone else (and what they think) doesn’t really matter.

If you're being bullied online, tell someone offline

 

When I was in high school, social media was BIG. I came home from school and jumped straight onto Kik (lol...not a joke) or Facebook to talk to my friends, and we Snapchatted everything.

 

Social media was also the mechanism that allowed bullying to follow me home.

 

You Suck Be Kind GIF by INTO ACTION

 

People would send me Snapchat videos of parties that I wasn't invited to, which made me feel incredibly isolated and left out. The girls and guys who bullied me at school got to spend 24/7 pestering me and making me feel bad about myself over Messenger, and I felt like there was no way of escaping them, even in my own home. Keyboard warriors would say inappropriate things online, and then pretend like nothing happened the very next day in person. It was hell.

 

My biggest regret from this part of my life is not talking to my parents about the way that people used social media to bully me. While I always stood up for myself in person, I didn't know that what happened online counted as bullying too. If you're going through something like this, I hope you know that this does count as bullying. Cyberbullying can be ten times more insidious and covert than face-to-face meanness, so trust your gut - if something doesn't feel okay, it probably isn't.

 

For tips on dealing with bullying online, check out the resources below:

🛑 5 strategies for dealing with cyberbullying

👀 How to spot a troll

💻 Young and eSafe