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Anonymous
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struggling

im not too sure if anyone will see this but i just needed a place to rant and organise my thoughts and feelings atm and i have not been on the forums in a very long time. lately ive been feeling so numb and out of it like ive been fighting with my mum daily and i feel so excluded and lost when im with my friends. i just feel so alone and i just feel like i have no one who i can lean on or talk to cause ive been feeling rlly shit the past few weeks. ive been really stressed due to exams and i have the tendency to place a lot of pressure and expecations on myself and idk i keep putting myself down. i just feel like im going to collapse any moment cause of the stress and overload of anxiety ive been feeling and i just dont have a place or person who/where i can just let it all out?? like ive been getting so sensitive with my parents to the point where im always righting with my mum. aswell when my friends make fun of me i feel like crying and i rlly want them to stop cause it honestly hurts my feelings and makes me feel like shit but i feel so weak so i just go along with it. like i just feel like my entire presence is a fuckin joke and i just hate how pathetic i feel about myself?? like ive come to the point in my life where im just like whats the point anymore??

 

i have no close friends. the friends i have honeslty dont give two shits about me bc i always end uo being left behind like if we r walking they would leave without me or i would walk behind them and whenever they talk infront of me about something i dont know about they never try to include me into the conversation and i would just pretend like idc or im just not listening. idk if im being sensitive bc im on the verge of a mental breakdown every day but i just feel so lost and alone idk. like i just feel left out with my friends to the point where i just want to avoid them or not get close to them. like they always bring up shit from years ago as a way to joke around with me but they dont know that that time in my life was the lowets point in my life like i was rlly depressed and suicidal and every time they bring it up i want to cry but i just laugh along.

 

aswell at home my mum pressures me so much about exams and idk i just feel so shit when im with her and recently we've been arguing and fighting every day. today we had this massive fight and i just ended up spilling everything on about how all she does is bring me down by calling my stupid/useless and how she has never encouraged me to do better however always told me i was shit and needed to tr harder? like my mother has never hugged or consoled me ever or even shown a bit of affection towards me. shes been so upright that shes never congratulated me or told me that shes proud of me. and i just want her for once in my life to tell me that shes happy with something im doing or that she believes in me or that she will support me. i know that sounds pathetic but it feels pathetic cause it just feels like she doesnt care. 

 

 

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