Hey @MB95, firstly I am sorry that you are feeling so much hate and judgement towards yourself. It must be so difficult to think as though you are pathetic and that you aren't worthy of anything. Reading your post, there are some points that stand out to me. You mention that you do have illnesses and I think that is important to focus on. It isn't like you are just making excuses or being lazy, you also have an illness that is preventing you from doing things as well. It impacts how you feel about yourself which is very powerful. Your post, to me, also highlights the differences between physical and mental illnesses and disabilities. No two people or illnesses are the same and for that reason, it is difficult to compare especially if it is going to make you feel worse about yourself. Even if other people have it 'worse' than you, it doesn't change what you are going through nor does it make it any easier 
Mental illnesses are also often invisible too which means that people don't always see the impact or struggle.
I have had similar thoughts, so I do understand what you are saying, though I am conscious that these thoughts are making you feel worse about yourself. For e.g. my older friend has a physical disability but wants to do a very popular trail overseas. I have wanted to do this trail but have doubted myself because I am not that fit. Knowing that my friend wants to do it made me realise that I can too and also I am better off doing it now while my body is still able, rather than later when I may not be able to anymore. So I tried to use it to motivate myself to enhance my fitness and stop making 'excuses'.
Is there anything right now that might help with how you feel about yourself?
