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Akinna
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Thanks for your lovely reply @Hannah-RO  💕

 

I’ve had a really hard couple of years with my mental health, but I feel like I’ve (hopefully) been through the worst of it. I’ve learnt a lot and grown a lot and really want to help others who are also struggling because I know how awful it can be, and how important it is to get help and to feel supported and not alone.

 

I’m talking about medical support. Like going to the GP and getting a referral for a psychologist. I spent a long time wanting to ask my parents to take me to the GP for depression, but it felt too hard, even though they’re amazing parents. I guess I felt guilty/ashamed/scared. But eventually I dropped enough hints for them to take me to the GP about this.

 

I’m also taking anti-depressants which at the moment my GP is managing. However, since they still aren’t really working yet, I now have a referral to a psychiatrist and am waiting for my first appointment. Not everyone needs medication, but there is absolutely nothing wrong with needing it. My sister has been on medication for anxiety for a few years, and it has made a noticeable difference for her ability to manage it. Mental illnesses deserve the same treatment as physical illnesses.

 

I haven’t stopped harming yet, but I recently found this app called ‘calm harm’ that looks like it could be useful to anyone trying to stop.

 

To be honest, even though I have been seeing the psychologist since October and on medication since December, I barely feel any better. With the medication, I realise that it could take quite a few trials to find the right ones, which is why I’m going to see a psychiatrist. And like how it took a long time for my depression to develop, it’s going to take a long time to heal. It gets very frustrating and discouraging, but thankfully as I am writing this I am in a slightly calmer headspace. I just remind myself that progress doesn’t always look like progress. I have improved, like I’m much better at talking to people about my mental health, I’m just not feeling better yet. I just have to believe that eventually I will.

 

It’s good to find a decent amount of distractions and things that comfort you. I love cuddling my puppy, listening to music and watching my favourite TV shows (Brooklyn nine nine and friends). Even when I have really low energy levels, these work. I guess outlets like physical activity could help anxiety. Everyone is different so find what works for you.

 

One of the most helpful things I’ve found so far, is following different psychologists and other mental health and positivity accounts on instagram! I feel safe as it doesn’t require me to be vulnerable and open up. I’ve learnt lots, and I feel slightly less alone as I learn about lots of other people going through what I’m going through. I also find a tiny bit of hope as I’ve found people who have been where I’ve been, and worse, and have made it through. Jazz Thornton is a mental health advocate who had serious mental health problems as a teenager. She also has two books which I’ve benefited from. Dr Julie Smith and Dr Courtney Tracy are two psychologists I’ve learned from on instagram. There are countless other instagram accounts creating awareness and providing encouragement that I benefit from. BUT, jut a word of caution, while this is helpful, it is not medical help and is not a substitution for therapy.

 

Also, creating a support network is worthwhile. I’m fortunate to be surrounded by an amazing family and great friends. Additionally, I’ve set up a support network at school. At the start of the year I told my teachers about my depression, just so they would be aware and able to help me if I missed class or needed an extension. Also, I’ve spent a lot of time at student services and with the school chaplain, talking to them or just trying to pass time and distract myself. I guess I’ll probably do something like this when I start TAFE. Depression makes you isolate, and while you need to do that to rest sometimes, you need to push yourself to find support. You may be ashamed of your mental health, but there’s really no need to. It’s just as important as physical health.

 

Yes, other paths to UNI are definitely not talked about enough! And year 11 and 12 are hard work, especially if you are doing ATAR. I’m not currently planning on going to UNI, but because of my grades I just ended up on the ATAR conveyer belt. I really struggled to pick my ATAR subjects, I was really indecisive as I was scared about how my mental health would be. I was not being honest about how bad I was, and I spiralled further after I chose my subjects (not directly related to picking subjects, just these events happened around similar times). I was just doing ATAR because it was expected of me, I didn’t know what else to do, and I was too scared/confused/lost/overwhelmed/embarrassed/guilty/depressed to speak up about my mental health.

 

As a side point… I have an older cousin who did general subjects in high school and barely graduated (she has serious mental health issues as well). Now she is about to start some sort of bridging course or something at UNI. She started a bridging course for UNI a few years ago, but then her mental health got worse. So she had to put study and work aside while she dealt with that.  Thankfully she has now improved and is able to return to studying.

 

I am going to be doing a certificate in screen and media. It’s something I enjoy and am interested in! I kinda got so busy with school and consumed by depression that I forgot what I enjoyed (I mean, I still find it hard to enjoy much due to my depression), but I’m trying to rediscover what I like and find ways to create a life that I enjoy, one where I’m not just alive, but enjoying being alive ☺️

 

I’m trying to learn to focus on myself by listening to my body. If I’m tired and I need to rest (which happens a lot), I prioritise that. I make time for things I enjoy in the day, like playing music or cuddling my puppy. I also do journaling most days, it just helps me sort out my thoughts. When I make decisions, like whether to continue with school or go to TAFE, I try to think more about what I want to do, not what others would expect me to do. It’s all a work in progress 💕

 

Please remember YOU ARE NEVER ALONE. You may feel like no one cares or understands, but once your reach out, you will be surprised by how many people have been through something similar or know someone who has, and how willing they are to help you ☺️

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