Yerp, of course it's her! But I bet you already tapped into that before I even said it 😂😂😂 Idk. I struggle to put it into words because I don't like sounding like a creep or people thinking it. It's hard to explain. It's just like I want to be her friend and hang out with her and stuff and yeah idk. It's too hard to explain because I know it's not normal and I shouldn't be feeling like this but well.. attachment. Its fucked and I hate it so much cause I try SO HARD not to let it happen. And like I think I'm doing okayish atm and have been trying real hard to just put walls up and tell myself things so I don't but yeah. Its exhausting fighting it. Anyway let's not go down that path cause I feel like it's just gonna land me back at the whole stupid psych conversation cause I think I know why it's happening and yeah I'm not sure I'm in the headspace for that atm. Currently me.. 😂
YES! It is exactly like that lol I can be attached to someone but also not trust them at all that they aren't gonna leave me? It's so stupid. Learning about boundaries.. like I totally understand and get why they are important but putting them into practice? My brain is just like OH HELL NO! We ain't setting no boundaries here. We gonna break them all and emotionally attach you to every possible human that shows they remotely care. But then we also gonna make you hate them soon enough so you push them away and ruin it all. I guess learning about them in clinical practice is well idk like I'm trying to apply them with client relationships but it's like I go the other extreme and just completely put the walls up and don't let myself feel or think about it? Idk. Its too hard to explain without giving examples recently and well I feel like I've given too much information already. Sorry! Let's just say attachment and boundaries SUCK. They are important to have healthy ones but I have no clue how to make that happen and it just SUCKS. 😂 Anywayyyyy moving on..
Mate, I'm not over critical of myself. I know my shit. You are good with words and just well everything really! And I reckon I know exactly what your good old marvellous self compassion shit is gonna be.. it's gonna be that whole bullshit 'talk to yourself how you'd talk to your friend' isn't it? See, I'm onto you! 😂 I mean it works for some people but let's just say I'm too stubborn and well sure id never say this stuff to you guys but I'm different and anyway its too hard to go into but I'm sure you'll get what I mean? I've tried self compassion but it makes me feel so gross about myself because I don't feel deserving of it and just feel like a total dickhead trying to 'be kind' to myself 😂 Sorry. I know you're coming from a good place but self compassion and I VERY RARELY get along ahahaha And I cant stand people saying good shit about me either cause it just makes me feel sick and not trust them because I know it's not true and they are only trying to make me feel good by saying dumb shit. Anyway let's move on again. Self compassion is good and works for some people but she ain't my friend. And I'm not sure she ever will be, we've tried but she always let's me down so I push her away lol
Keep the lost stories coming, they are the highlight of my day! Lol No but seriously, I do appreciate you share stuff and I'm sorry your mum beat you to it, that must have been rough!! Maybe she might need some of your boundary talk.. ahahaha
Jeez woman.. I thought we were done with the attachment lol It doesn't sound weird.. okay maybe a little.. but I get what you mean! I really rely on the physical being there kinda thing though so idk if it would work. Idk. I guess I have been looking at photos every now and then so not exactly physical and sometimes that helps but idk anyway I just feel stupid. It's all good. I just need to keep the walls barricaded and we should hopefully be right cause as soon as I let any form or emotion or care into the relationship I am destined for hell.
Yeah.. I've been trying to apply it too much but it doesn't work lol And yeah, I guess I logically understand most of it, not all of it cause I don't know I agree completely but like most of it makes sense. But emotionally I cannot understand or relate at all!!
Lets not go into that cause things were a litte on the triggering side today and not sure that can of worms will end too greatly lol
Saracam? I'm not sarcastic. You should know this. It's all serious business over here!
These are becoming quite the damn novels. Sorry! I am in a terrible habit atm of writing stories. It's like instart typing and don't really think and then before you know it we have a book. Anyway I'll shut up now. Good on ya if you made it to the end of this. I challenge you to write back in half the words and then I'll try do the same so we don't crash the forums with all this nonsense dribble 😂
Thanks though. And thanks too, Eden! You don't need to have any advice, I'm pretty damn shocking for it myself atm and feel like I just let off some verbal diarrhoea on your threads and hope for the best atm lol Just knowing you're both there really helps so THANKYOU 💙💙
