I'm not really sure what to say but I found this website from a helpline list and i thought it might be worth a try. I've had a childhood experience or two that have led me to being over reliant on friends and the validation they give which is something i recognise, but when i'm alone I feel so empty. My whole personality revolves around people, and because of those childhood experiences I've seen myself mould my personality to what other people want, and that has led me into several identity crisis' and has caused people to take it advantage of me in different ways, including my family. It hurts especially knowing that they don't mean to, but it's a natural human thing to do, so i can't blame them for it. I've got a lot of friends, but they don't talk to me. They talk to me when it's convenient, my family is the same. I've even gone to completely open anonymous chat rooms like Omegle just to have someone to talk to, but no one there cares either. It hurts when i know I've tried to reach out, I've tried so many times to be heard and no one ever listens. Maybe i'm being dramatic i don't know, but it's too much to handle. I was alone for a full year repeating the same day over and over back when i was 5 and it's had lasting effects on me. I'm terrified of being alone but at the same time I crave it, like someone's telling me I need it or that I'm the problem and that it's my fault im always alone and that it's better for me not to bother anyone. I just don't know how to handle it, I'm scared of losing to it. I just want to feel happy. I want to have even just one friend who cares and reaches out to me just because they like talking to me, to have parents that accept my gender and sexuality instead of trying to turn me into another them, I just want to be happy.
