@justkeepswimming I'm hearing you re: the crystal ball - they'd be super handy!
That sounds like a plan re: your course - I really hope it goes well and things become clearer with a bit more time. That must've been really confronting to be reminded of a time when you were feeling so unwell in the past. It's incredible to hear that you've persevered through so much, but I wish you could have the support you'd like.
I'm really sorry you've had so much trouble with finding a psychologist - it's not easy to learn to trust someone and start opening up, and then to have them leave must have been so hard. Sounds like you've tried really hard to find good support. Are you still keen to find a psychologist or counsellor? If you are, is there anyone who might be able to help with recommendations? (Eg. a friend, family member or doctor you trust?)