Venting is good and so is encouragement
I would be in yr11 right now but I left early for tafe because mental illness!
I understand the wave of bad highschool memories. I spent most of highschool depressed and suicidal, and no one knew. So just being there was really triggering because it reminded me of some of the worst days of my life. So I'm glad to be out of that environment. But it's hard whenever I go there.
I haven't had panic attacks, but my best friend did in high school. So I've seen how intense they can be and so it's very understandable to be upset thinking about past ones.
It totally makes sense what you're saying. If anything, those people are more likely to be proud because you've grown and haven't let your lowest points stop you. And you should be proud of myself! People don't who have never suffered from any type of mental illness don't understand how much strength it takes to get through those hard times, then move on.
So glad you're enjoying your course, psychology is so interesting.
I know the feeling of not knowing what to do and major imposter syndrome. When I was chosing yr 11 ATAR subjects it felt like I was being asked: what career do you want, so what uni course are you going to do, so what subjects are you going to do next year. But at that stage, I was dreading waking up tomorrow and couldn't even think about next week, let alone next year and beyond. I felt this decision was the end of the world and there was so much pressure.
I chose my ATAR subjects. then five weeks into the school year i had a meltdown, opened up about some stuff, and decided to leave.
I guess what I'm trying to say is just because you make one decision now, doesn't mean you can't change your mind later. I did that. So do lots of other people.
No matter what you choose, mental health first. I'm still not certain what I'm going to do in the future. But I do know that I'm going to be alive and healthy. And once that's sorted out, I guess everything else will work out.
It's ok to be scared. No one really has it all together. You're doing so well and we're all just figuring it out as we go.
All the best. You can do this