Hey @justbellaforshort
I think I understnad what ur going through. This might also apply to you @Daffodil_Angel
I have super high standards and struggle with not being able to live up to them. And I get humiliated by tiny mistakes. And I used to harm a heap (18 days clean) with multiple methods, including urs. But I also have bipolar 2 so think the harming is more connected to that.
I think for me based on stuff I've talked about with my psychologist... I have low self worth. So I feel like I have to be perfect to be worthy/accepted/cared/valued. So I feel like a failure easily. Like I made a mistake at work this week and was so upset. So after I did some journalling to try and figure out how I felt. I owned up my mistake straight away, and I reasoned that by doing that, I turned this bad situation into something good because I showed that I was honest, reliable and trustworthy.
I guess I need to realise people don't love me because I'm 'perfect,' because I'm not. So I guess trying to think about my identity and qualities and why people do love me would be helpful. don't know if any of this resonates with you.
one mistake doesn't define you.
it's easy to put yourself down. But I've realised that thoughts are not facts. Just because I think I'm worthless, doesn't mean I am. I'm learning to be kind to myself. Life is hard, and I'm just doing the best I can.
harm is tricky. so complicated, so many reasons why people do it. at the end of the day, it's a coping mechanism, just not a good one. i think i used it to express anger etc. i now try shaking my hands hard, fiddling, shaking my legs up and down, punching pillows.
it's good you have respect for your body.
please remember a bad chapter doesn't mean a bad life, it is possible to recover.
sending you love because you deserve it xxx
