Hi @Skylarswims,
Thank you for reaching out online - you're very brave for doing so and I'm sure by voicing out your struggles, many people can relate to and benefit from them. You're definitely not alone and we are all here for you even though you feel like noody wants to be your friend. ❤️
It is an awful feeling to be misunderstood by your peers. It's very tough and I'm understand you might also feel helpless as you don't know how to explain (or even want to explain) what you're going through with the people around you so that they can give you more understanding.
Skylarswims, may I ask what are some of the attributes/qualities that people you admire (i.e., the people you want to be friends with) have? For example, I personally really like to be friends with people who are willing to be vulnerable and talk about their struggles with me. When they do so, I feel very trusted as a friend - and it also makes me feel like even the toughest, most positive and confident people can also have issues and struggles that they're going through. Perhaps you can have two or three people in mind and make a dot point list of things that you like about them.
Finding friends can be very tough especially when we are afraid that if we reach out to them we would be rejected. The fear of rejection sucks and I'm sure many of us still experience this in our daily lives (especially in 1st year uni when we are all unsure if the people we want to be friends feels the same). Can I ask why you figured if people find you "annoying, crazy, weird"? Is it something that they say explicitly or perhaps their facial reactions? It's okay if you don't feel comfy thinking about these questions as they might be sad to ponder.
Lots of love and hope.
