Hi @Tallboi21 - thanks so much for trusting us by sharing your experiences, it takes a lot of courage.
I'm so sorry that your first time having sex wasn't a positive experience, but if it helps at all you're definitely not alone - I can guarantee that there are plenty of people who will read your post and think "that happened to me too, I'm so glad I'm not the only one".
For what it's worth, it's totally normal to be nervous and for things not to go how you hoped the first time you have sex. Actually I think it's probably the minority of people who have everything go smoothly.
Please try to be kind to yourself if you can - first sex being awkward is part of being human and learning as you go. I really hope the next time you feel more confident and things go more smoothly. In case it's helpful, we have some articles on our website here that have tips about confidence and dealing with nerves if you'd like to take a look.
I'm also wondering if it might be helpful to talk it through in more depth with someone who can help with any anxiety you might be feeling? If so, headspace or Kids Helpline could be good options.
Are there any things you've found helpful when you've been through something awkward or upsetting before that might be helpful now?
