Hi @Courtney-RO , I really appreciate you taking the time to read and reply.
Some days are definitely harder than others, I think I can get caught up in feeling hopeless on those days but other days such as today can feel much more positive. Even on the positive days I still think of it 100 times, but it hurts a little less and I'm much more optimistic.
I do really struggle with trust at the moment, but like you said It's only reasonable. This morning after she had left for work I logged onto her tablet and checked her instagram.. I felt pretty disgusted in myself after I had done that, because I would always ask to see so she knows what is going on. I went home, did some soul searching (and read those articles you linked, thanks!!) and I've realised that I'm becoming dependant on these 'crutches' or 'checks' where I rely on her location on iFinder, or seeing her social media, or whatever it is to reassure myself that I have nothing to worry about.
I think it's important that I stop relying on these things to reassure myself because I think it's starting to become obsessive having to know/check that I'm not still being betrayed, instead I need to start working on being vulnerable, focusing on what I'm doing and less and what she's doing. Because I don't want to be that person who surveils their partner 24/7.
Thank you, I appreciate you
