Hi, I’m 16 (in year 11) and I’m pretty sure I like girls, I’m not sure if I like guys though. But the problem is, I live in a homophobic Muslim household.
If I came out, I’m 95% sure I’d get disowned. So, if I do want to be truly myself, I’m gonna have to wait a couple years, after I’ve graduated and have enough money to support myself.
At school I’m that happy, smart, funny girl that everyone know is gonna be heard girl. You know the saying “the happiest people are usually the saddest people,” well that pretty much sums up me in school. Now although being like this is a good distraction from what I’m really going through, it’s so tiring putting on a mask everyday.
At home I probably say less than 5 full sentences a day. To sum it up, I am the complete opposite from school, I’m quite and moody. I’m very distant from my family and ignore them so much that I get yelled at for not talking and yelled at to smile more (which only makes me wanna smile less). I treat my family like this because I’m mad at them. I’m mad at these people because they’re supposed to love me unconditionally, they’re supposed to be the ones I go to for help, they’re supposed to be my home but my “home” is furtherest thing from a home. I hate these people but then again I can’t because they’re “family.”
Everyday in the closet I feel so alone and isolated. Some days I feel so hopeless, like I have nothing to live for. I’m so exhausted of feeling this way and everyday I get worse and worse, which is why I came to reach out. I need a safe space to talk about my issues because I can’t keep handling everything by myself, I’ll literally go insane.
I just can’t wait till I’m older and I’ll be free from my family but in the mean time I’m here. I hope someone will see this post because I don’t know how much longer I can handle doing this alone. Someone please reply and make me feel seen and accepted.
