Thanks for opening up and letting us know what's been going on for you. I was diagnosed with BPD a few years ago and I know how tough it can be to manage without support. I don't know about the circumstances you're in but would it be worth looking into support from the community mental health team in your area. Getting linked with them has been a great support for me and I know have a team with case manager, psychologist and psychiatrist that are helping me manage my symptoms. You can google the local team in your local health district as a start. Another option is going to the GP to get a mental health care plan in place. Just some ideas because it is important that you get professional support.