Hey @idk_Sakamoto I can really hear how much this is impacting you. It sounds like deep down, you really do care about your mum, but something is going on that doesn't feel right for you. Sometimes, stress in other areas of our lives can show up in strange and unwanted places - like in our closest relationships.
Do you think it's something you could talk to your mother about? Acknowledge that you are feeling this way but that you do care about her and feel bad, but that you're not sure why it is happening?
If not your mum, I'd still encourage you to talk to someone about this - perhaps give the folks over at Kid's Helpline a call. Sometimes it can help just being able to get stuff off your chest. I am also going to flick you a quick email to check in, so keep an eye out for that one.
I don't think there's 'something wrong with you' - your sense of guilt and regret about this tells me that you're not a bad person, just that you're struggling to work out what is happening for you, and why it is coming out in a way that doesn't feel right for you.
