Hey @frogonthelake
I have a bachelor in Psychological Science and am currently completing post grad studies in it so have done a bit of research in this area in the past, though I think personal experiences have been the most healpful in teaching me about resilience practices.
I believe how people practice emotional resilience depends on their personality and past. For your family members practicing emotional resilience seems to involve pushing emotions down and avoiding the pain, where you prefer to do it in a more gentle way. Neither way is wrong, but I believe the way you have been brought up, including whats going on around you and in the world greatly affects this. For your family, you mention them growing up with hardship and difficulty, this may have caused them to believe it is better to push down their feelings rather than work through them. This is seen in many of the older generations and is generally due to the difficulties they went through in the past, as well as mental health and discussing it being seen as taboo until recent years. For yourself, I believe it is a bit easier to work through your emotions as you may feel safer than they did at your age, but also mental health is not as taboo as it was in their days.
Either way, both your family and yourself have learnt to show resistance whether it is through pushing down the bad or being tender to yourself. While personally I believe tenderness is a better way of working through feelings and staying resistant, sometimes it is too hard and is easier to push these emotions down, especially if going through other issues. I believe many psychologists would also say that working through these issues is better, though only when in the right state of mind as bringing up emotions that have been pushed down can be traumatising when not in a safe mindset.
Anyways I hope this helps settle your confusion. Whatever you decide to do make sure it is what makes you feel best, not just what others do, as everyone is different and may react to certain resilience techniques better.
