Hey @Unknown_2006
I see that this is your first post here on Reach Out, so I wanted to first start off by wishing you a warm welcome to the Online Community!
Exploring gender identity is not a linear journey, and it most certainly can provoke a lot of feelings. I hope that by sharing my own experience, it may help you with your own journey 💚
So I am 22 now and proudly Transmasc, and I have been this way since I was 16. I've always had a bit of a complex relationship with gender identity. I never thought much about it as a kid, but I do remember liking having a "boyish" haircut, and I liked my little muscles haha (I climbed lots of trees) 😆 Admittedly, I did love both feminine and masculine things like clothes, toys etc, and didn't care about how society would portray me. But as I got to 16, and my chest started to grow because I had a somewhat late puberty, I started to become uncomfortable within my skin, and I didn't like being perceived/known as a girl, and remembering how I felt as a kid, kinda made me realise something wasn't right. I didn't have the language for years, but after hours upon hours of researching online and talking to folk within the LGBTQIA+ Community, I had my lightbulb moment and realised I was transmasc. Transmasc fit me perfectly; it felt so comfortable compared to all the other gender identities. I found that experimenting with masculine fashion, haircuts, etc., affirmed my identity. Now, at 22, I've been on HRT and very fortunately was able to change my legal name thanks to my Mum so kindly paying for it, even though it took her a while to understand me coming out as trans.
While I cannot tell you what gender identity you are, I can say that the fact that you have always felt discomfort being a girl, don't like having breasts, and feel as if you were meant to be a boy (even though this is not the case for all trans and gender non-conforming folk as everyone's experience is different), I think you may possibly be trans/gender diverse. At the end of the day, it is up to you to decide your identity, not mine or anyone else.
I definitely recommend experimenting with your fashion/expression and seeing what feels right for you. Would you consider talking to a GP or a mental health professional who is LGBTQIA+ friendly? They could help you even more with exploring gender identity.
I also wanted to share with you TransHub which you may find useful in our journey.
Take care!
- Matcha_Toad 🐸🍵💚
