Hey @Green_Ghost
I am so happy to hear that you have been thriving lately! The volunteer position you got sounds so rewarding and definitely challenging in a good way; I am very proud of you for doing it! Also, it is stunning to hear that you've been going out more, doing fun things, and are growing as an individual - you should be proud of yourself.
I do not blame you at all for feeling the way that you do regarding the situation with your psychologist. While we can connect with a mental health professional, it is so important that the relationship stays professional. As someone who is studying in the mental health sector who also receives counselling, the mental health professional and I have a good relationship. Things are kept professional, and boundaries are maintained. They also share relevant pieces of lived experience that I can relate to, which is very helpful, but again, self-disclosure has to be done in a way that is helpful to a client.
I think it is completely understandable and valid to be feeling afraid to bring up everything that hasn't sat right with you with your psychologist. Confronting others can be hard, especially when there is a power dynamic. But I firmly believe that things cannot change unless you try your best to speak up, whether that is verbally or written, or even bring a support person with you to help talk about your concerns. It does sound like this psychologist forgets a lot of things that are important to you and cuts you off, which would be super frustrating and, without a doubt, would make you feel discouraged. It is also disappointing to hear that she never responded to your email, even though she said you can reach out anytime between sessions.
I am so happy to hear about the positive experience you had during couples counselling with the trainee/student counsellor, it sounds like this experience has made you realise a lot about how things are with your current psychologist. Would you be open to finding a new psychologist? I know it would be like starting all over again with progress in therapy, but sometimes we need that change. I cannot tell you how many different counsellors and therapists I have gone through since high school (now 22) and I have had to restart repeatedly until I found the perfect match (my current counsellor).
I think the fact that you have said that you cannot take it anymore, and that you worry that you're not making progress with her or yourself, means that it may be time for change. I do recommend trying to communicate to her what hasn't been okay with you and see if she is willing to repair the situation and improve her service delivery to you ... and if not, or she slips back into her old ways, maybe take that as a sign that you need to find a new psychologist.
I hope some of this has helped, or at least provided you with some comfort. Make sure you're practising self-care, especially with the volunteer work you are doing.
- Matcha_Toad 🐸🍵💚
