Hey @Mint_Crane ,
I really feel for you, and I just want to say that what you're going through is completely valid. I went through something really similar—losing touch with old friends, struggling to connect with new ones, feeling like I was stuck in a cycle of isolation and self-sabotage. For a long time, I felt like I was just watching my life move forward without actually being part of it. And yeah, the whole "just be okay with being alone" advice used to drive me crazy too—it felt like people were asking me to be happy with something that felt completely unnatural.
But I want to tell you that things can change, even if it doesn’t feel that way right now. For me, the shift didn't happen overnight, and it wasn’t some huge revelation—it was a slow process of letting go of the pressure I was putting on myself. I used to overthink every interaction, either trying too hard or shutting down completely, and it made socializing exhausting. What helped was focusing on really small wins, like enjoying a casual conversation without worrying where it would lead, or just showing up to things even if I felt awkward. Over time, I feel less exhausted during the interactions and allow myself to enjoy the company of my new friends, even if we are not chatting.
And as for relationships, I 100% get the frustration. Dating apps felt impossible, and I hated how people in relationships would say, "You have to be happy alone first" while having exactly what I wanted. But what I learned is that being happy alone doesn’t mean never feeling lonely—it just means being okay with the quiet moments, not needing someone else to feel like you’re enough. Don't get me wrong, sometimes I still fall back into the old of way of negative thinking but it is such a big win every time I can remove myself out of that space asap! And ironically, when I stopped chasing relationships to "fix" things, I found myself actually enjoying meeting people more, which made connections happen more naturally.
I know it feels like you’re stuck right now, but starting your full-time job is already a big step forward. It’s a new environment, a chance to meet people without all the pressure, and an opportunity to slowly rebuild your confidence. Try not to see every interaction as pass/fail—sometimes just showing up and being open is enough. And if nothing else, know that you’re not alone in this. You will find people who truly get you, even if it takes time. I promise, it gets better. 💙
