So I’m currently 20 and I really just need some advise from someone that isn’t a part of my life.    So so let me start this of by saying I have a huge issue with self confidence and self worth. If I’m not being interviewed by some and I get asked questions like  “what makes you great?” Or “what do you like about yourself?” My answer is “nothing”. I get told all the time that I need to have more confidence and that I’m a great kid, but to be honest.... I just don’t see it. I think I’m worthless.    So since I was very little I’ve wanted to be a police officer. I truly believe this drive toward law enforcement and my lack of self confidence comes from being abused when I was really young. I won’t get into that right now only because it’s not what I’m trying to get across here. But anyway I’m not academically smart so my whole life I have just barley scraped by with my grades. Even now in college I’m just barely scraping by. When I was a senior in high I followed my asperations to a group called Explorers. Explorer is a law enforcement based group advised by law enforcement officers. We have meetings where we learn and interact with different aspects of law enforcement and we also have events where we are security for that event. We are also allowed to do ride alongs with police officers through this group. Sounds like a pretty sweet deal to me. Well in the explorers the ages range from 14-21 years of age. And we have ranks like Sargent and lieutenant. Well since I’ll be 21 in April I decided why not apply to be a Sargent I’ve been here a few years(I started when I was 18) and I know how things work. Well I had my interview last Tuesday and I found out tonight that I didn’t get the position and I was told that I need to have more confidence and be proud of my accomplishments that I bring a lot to the program. So on account of my lack of confidence i didn’t get this position that I will probably never have another shot at getting because all the Sargents and lieutenants now are younger than me.    Another really BIG thing that I’m struggling with is.... love. I know I’m 20 and I’m still young blah blah blah. But I know that I found my one and currently because of my lack of confidence she is dating someone else. We met in middle school and dated all through high school. And then 2 years ago I felt she didn’t love me or want me around anymore..... so what did I do? I broke up with her to “set her free of my burden”. Now she didn’t tell me that she didn’t love me anymore, I just assumed that stupidly. Well I also didn’t talk to her until recently like September of this year. Which is all my fault and I am aware. Like that was so shitty of me and I hate myself every day for it. Like she was just so perfect for me. We rarely fought and we had a lot in common and she ALWAYS made me smile even when a smiling was that last thing that I want to do. Just all around perfect. And I just let her go and pushed her out of my life. Well she found a boyfriend and he is something. He does drugs and pretty much has nothing going for him in life and legit they fight every. single. day.  Yet she claims she loves him. I just don’t get it. And it literally kills me inside to see her with someone she is constantly fighting with. Like even if she didn’t want me back like it would be ok if she was someone that didn’t constantly fight with her. Ugh I just wish I could turn back time and stop myself from breaking up with her. She truly made my life better.    Well so many negative things keep happening to me like I go rear ended last week. I didn’t get this job I really wanted. I have so much debt. I don’t make a lot of money. I can’t get good grades. Im know there’s a lot more but it’s truly just all weighing me down. I keep telling myself that I just need to get over all of this and it’ll all work out and be ok. But I for some reason can’t just let it go. And I find that a lot lately I’m questioning wether I will be able to make it as a police officer. Wether I’ll be able to make one of my biggest goals for myself happen. Like I can apply when I turn 21 in April so it rapidly approaching and I just don’t know if I’ll be able to have the confidence to make it happen.    Really if anyone can offer any advice to me that would be greatly appreciated. Even if it’s to tell me “ suck it up kid, that’s just life.” At least then I’ll know I’m not alone which is how I kinda feel.  ... View more