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skyfireinferno9
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since
12-01-2019
18-01-2019
22
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18-01-2019
08:24 PM
Hey @ecla34 I can’t talk on the phone and it’s hard to explain to someone what I’m going through via webchat. I find it easier to talk to someone face to face and it just helps to have someone there to listen. I don’t think online helplines are for me. I guess I am a lost cause. Nothing can really be done. I tried all I could and I just have to accept that nothing will ever get better and that everyone will abandon me.
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18-01-2019
01:50 PM
Hey @gina-RO As I mentioned before, I have been abandoned twice by psychologists who I trusted and opened up to. I don’t think I can trust someone again. I don’t have the energy to try seeking professional support again despite the diagnoses of Aspergers and ADHD. I constantly worry about who will abandon me next. I have tried online services too and they have suggested to reach out to face to face support. After being abandoned twice I can’t do it again :( Its also hard when I don’t have any support from friends and family. Opening up to them has only made things worse.
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18-01-2019
11:33 AM
I made it in to work today, which seems like an achievement to me. I have also realised that I am a lost cause. I have given up all hope that anything can change for the better, especially now that I have no support left.
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17-01-2019
06:16 PM
Hey @letitgo Thanks :) Yeah I am feeling pretty bleak. I don't have professional support anymore and my family and friends don't care either. I like my job. It's an engineering role and the work environment is really good too. Work is my only escape and it's the only thing that keeps me going. I tried talking to a co-worker (who is also a close friend), but he didn't reply. I have only pushed people away by opening up about my struggles :( No one cares anymore. I don't think that I can talk to anyone else about this at work. I have to pretend that things are fine when they are not and carry on. I don't want any of it to affect my work, but it does. I would have been able to cope a bit better if I had some professional support but that doesn't seem to be the case anymore.
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17-01-2019
05:19 PM
Hey @gina-RO Yeah I did. I couldn't go in to work today and I couldn't get anything done from home either. I guess this is how my life will be. Nothing will ever get better.
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17-01-2019
03:40 PM
Another day has passed by and I struggled to make it in to work. All I can do now is stay in bed. Self care is not for me and no matter what I do, nothing improves. I don't know what I did to deserve all this, but it has become clear to me that I will have to live like this and nothing will get better.
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16-01-2019
07:55 PM
Hey @Taylor-RO Yeah, things are pretty hard and I don’t have support from friends and family either. Nothing really helps at this stage and I can’t relax if I have so much to worry about. I know I have to make it to work tomorrow because it’s the only time I focus on something, which is not one of my problems. I can’t stop blaming myself. Everyone eventually gets tired of me and ends up leaving. This has happened in both personal and professional relationships. They worked in multiple practices in my case and they could have continued but they didn’t care about me enough to continue working with me. At the start, they had promised that they would help me get to the other side and not leave me. It was the only reason I started trusting them.
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16-01-2019
06:26 PM
Hey @gina-RO I ended up staying in bed the entire day. I couldn’t really do much. I have tried podcasts and they are not really my thing. Music is not enough to distract me unfortunately. There’s a lot going on and I am lost at what I should do. I have tried everything I could. Work is the only thing that keeps me going but I couldn’t even go to work today :( The pain is too much to deal with and I wish I had some professional support, but I don’t .
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16-01-2019
01:33 PM
It turns out that self care is not for me. I tried some strategies, but nothing worked for me. It's really hard to distract myself from everything that's going on :( I couldn't get out of bed this morning and I had to skip work too :(
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14-01-2019
11:09 PM
@mrmusic I listen to all types of music, I don't really have a preference :)
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14-01-2019
10:00 PM
@mrmusic I have been trying to do more work at the moment in order to prepare for tomorrow. I used to read heaps of books. I read a lot last year, but I can't really do that anymore. I listen to music too, but yeah, I don't have any hobbies.
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14-01-2019
09:11 PM
@ecla34 Thanks for the thread on self care strategies @mrmusic Having a break is not really an option for me. If I am not working, I constantly think about how bad things are. My self-care strategy used to be talking to my psych, but that's not an option for me anymore. I used to study a lot too, which took all of my time, but I have graduated now. I guess all I can do now is keep going at my job. I don't know what I did to deserve so much pain, when all I do everyday is be nice to everyone. I have been through a lot and I want to get better, but that doesn't seem possible. I want to work through the issues in my life, but I can't do that when I constantly worry about who will abandon me next.
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14-01-2019
08:20 PM
@ecla34 Nothing really helps with pain, but working is a distraction for me. I have been working long hours these days, but I feel pretty burnt out. I haven't had a break in two years now. I love my job and I have to do everything to keep at it. I can't let my situation affect my work. This is something that keeps me going. The hard part is to deal with the pain when I am not working. I feel like if I try finding someone again, I'll get abandoned again. Everytime I open up to someone about my struggles, they end up leaving me :(
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14-01-2019
07:38 PM
Hey @ecla34 Yeah, the new psychs weren’t the right fit for me and I felt like they didn’t understand me. I felt constantly invalidated and as a result, I didn’t trust them enough to open up. I don’t think I’ll be ready to start with a new psych unless I know I can trust them to understand my pain and that they won’t abandon me. It’s really hard to start looking too. Ideally, I want to continue working with the psych who abandoned me because she knew the whole story and we were moving forward when I got regular appointments.
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14-01-2019
03:35 PM
Hey @lokifish I can manage the finance side if i can find the right person. I found the right person twice and both times, I got abandoned. I don’t really have the energy to try anymore. I don’t think I can trust someone again to open up.
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14-01-2019
02:40 PM
Hey @Esperanza67 Yeah, I have been going to headspace. That’s where I saw my psychologists until I couldn’t see them anymore. I have tried psychologists in private practice too, but it hasn’t worked out and it’s quite expensive as well.
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14-01-2019
02:16 PM
Hey @Esperanza67 I don’t have anyone else unfortunately
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14-01-2019
01:29 PM
Hey @Jess1-RO I do have family and friends, but I can’t really talk to them. Opening up about my mental illnesses did more harm than good with them and I lost friends because of that. Professional support from my psych was all I had, but now I don’t have that either.
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13-01-2019
10:04 PM
Hey @Esperanza67 I have tried those services too, but it hasn't been much helpful. All they say is that face to face help will be the best for me given how bad things are. I have a lot of things to worry about and I can't really do anything when all I can think about is how everyone leaves me or gives up on me all the time.
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13-01-2019
07:07 PM
Hey @lokifish Yes, I have a GP who is managing medication. I am also scheduled to see a psychiatrist in the next few days for ADHD medication. I have talked to my GP and nothing has come out of it. She wants me to start with a new psych, but no one gets that after being abandoned twice, its extremely hard to start all over again. I have tried two more people after these two psychologists left me and it hasn't worked out with them.
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13-01-2019
01:33 PM
@lokifish It's the pain from that (which is the biggest at the moment) and a lot of other things that I need to deal with. I have a lot going on and nothing can get better when I constantly worry about who will abandon me next.
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12-01-2019
10:18 PM
Hey all, I am having a hard time dealing with life right now. Even though there are good things like graduating from university and my family and friends, I am at my lowest. I recently got the diagnosis of ADHD and Asperger's, which has been really hard on me. I have been on antidepressants for more than a year now and I'll need to start stimulants soon, which is fine by me. The worst part of it all is having no one I can talk to. My psychologist recently abandoned me. The psych I saw before her did the same thing too, which made it even harder to start treatment all over again and trust someone new. Everyone in my life leaves me or gives up on me. I have stopped trusting and I have stopped seeking professional help now even when things are so bad. I have stopped self-care or doing anything that brings me happiness. On most days, I can barely get out of bed. I am meant to apply for jobs and progress in my career but I can't seem to do that. Abandonment is all I think about these days. The whole story about my relationship with mental health professionals is as follows. I started seeing a psych in 2017. Things were working well and I was improving until she said that she is leaving me and she couldn't take me with her to her new workplace. This meant that I had to start all over again with someone new from that clinic. It took me a really long time to open up and start trusting her. I was having fortnightly sessions with her and things were improving for me in March and April last year until she said that she is leaving that clinic to work at my university counselling centre. This meant that the waiting time to see her increased, and if I was lucky, I got one appointment in two months. In December, when I graduated, she completely abandoned me. She couldn't see me at my university because I won't be a student anymore, which is fine, but she refused to see me at her private practice either. She was the only person I trusted and could talk to, now I have no one. My health is only getting worse by the day and I am going backwards. I don't know what I did to deserve so much pain, but I know there's no way out and I have to live with it. I don't know what to do now. Everyone leaves me or gives up on me. The worst part is that the only person I want to talk to about all this has abandoned me. I am too scared to start seeking professional help again because I have been abandoned twice and I won't be able to deal with it a third time. I can't talk to my family and my friends don't care anymore. I don't know what to do. I just want the pain to stop.
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Public Statistics
| Date Registered | 12-01-2019 10:02 PM |
| Date Last Visited | 18-01-2019 10:24 PM |
| Total Messages Posted | 22 |
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