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- About skyfireinferno99
skyfireinferno9
Super frequent scribe
since
12-01-2019
03-07-2019
85
Posts
6
Kudos
0
Solutions
03-07-2019
07:00 PM
2 Kudos
Hey @Tiny_leaf Thanks for sending those links :) I'll have a look.
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03-07-2019
06:20 PM
Hey @Claire-RO I have tried a lot and no matter what I do, nothing improves. I don't know what I did to deserve all this. I am in too much pain and I just want the pain to stop but I know it won't. Honestly, nothing helps me feel energised. I have to push myself to get out of bed, go to work and do everything else. Nothing makes me happy anymore and no one cares about me.
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01-07-2019
09:25 PM
1 Kudo
Hey @WheresMySquishy Yeah I can understand how frustrating it is when someone judges you in the first five minutes they meet you and they know nothing about your situation. I know that exercise is not the solution for everything and I agree with you that it needs to be tailored. My physio has given me a tailored program, which he guides me through twice a week. The specialist was dismissive towards me because I am high functioning but they don't understand how much effort it takes to do everyday things like getting out of bed, going to work etc. I can manage to do these things just because I push myself a lot. No one understands how much effort it takes to do anything. It's really hard to deal with chronic pain when I have a lot going on. I don't know what to do anymore. I am sorry to hear that they took so long with you and your sister and it got worse, but I am glad to hear about physio and occupational therapy being stepped up. I hope that it gets better for you both.
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01-07-2019
09:06 PM
Hey @Tiny_leaf Sorry for replying late. I got caught up in some things and I couldn't come online. Yeah I do get told to do yoga too and everything else. I tried so hard and waited so long for that appointment, but in the end, the specialist said that since I am high functioning, nothing can be done. It's not that easy to get up and exercise when on most days I can barely get out of bed. Yeah it would be good if you can post those links here :) I probably would have missed something. I don't know what to do about autism and ADHD. I am getting isolated more and more everyday at work and my friends back home have started drifting apart. My family is not accepting of it either. I know it can't be fixed and I am a lost cause, but my depression is only getting worse because of this.
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29-06-2019
10:48 PM
2 Kudos
Hey @WheresMySquishy Thanks for replying and for posting that information. I am sorry to hear about what happened with you and your sister. I am glad that you both found something that worked for you. Even in the past, I have been told that I don't exercise and that's the reason I am in pain and I should just get over it. No one understands how much it hurts and how much effort it takes to do even simple things. The pain specialist said that I am high functioning so nothing can be done. My pain has in fact increased since that appointment with him. I don't think that there's any help for me. I just have to accept it and live with it. No one cares about me anyway. With all things considered and everything else I have going on, I don't think I can try anymore. I did all I can and I am doing all I can to help myself but nothing works and no one cares about me. Like autism and ADHD, it's just something I have to live with. Thanks again for the information. I do hope that things start to look up for you and your sister :)
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28-06-2019
11:43 PM
Hey @Tiny_leaf Thanks for replying. I have been having a hard time accepting my diagnoses. I have always known that I am different and that something is wrong with me. Otherwise, I wouldn't have been treated the way I was growing up. Getting the diagnoses gave me some closure, but it's hard accepting that and I don't see any positives in it. No one is accepting of it and when people find out, they end up abandoning me. I feel broken and damaged beyond repair. In terms of chronic pain, I waited months to get that appointment with the pain specialist. It only ended up invalidating my pain. Even if I wanted to see someone else and get a second opinion, there is a huge waiting list for that and I don't have the energy in me to do that. Pain impacts everything that I do. It keeps me up at night and I have to push myself harder to do things which I could do easily before I had pain. I have had scans done and they came out normal but I still feel pain everywhere. I have been going to my physiotherapist and the gym. No matter what I do, nothing improves and I don't think I can keep trying anymore.
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28-06-2019
11:35 PM
Hey @Taylor-RO Thanks for replying. Yeah I have tried meditation and I have used quite a few apps. I got tired of it though. I do acknowledge that my thoughts are coming in and I don't try to fight them. I can't do meditation. It's hard to do them because even doing a minute seems too long. I have been reading self help books and trying to adopt strategies from those to have a more organised life. Chronic pain makes it even harder to deal with life. It does suck with what happened with my work colleagues. I want things to go back to how they were before I opened up but I know that it won't happen. It sucks to be the odd one out and not fit in. It doesn't affect how we work together as a team or the work we do, which is good for now. With my uni friends, I don't think I can ask them that, it's too confronting. I know that everyone is busy but I feel bad when they have time for other people but not me. I have tried those online services that you mentioned but it didn't work out for me. I can't talk on the phone so the only option for me is chatting online. It's a hit and miss with the counsellor I get. It's also hard to keep explaining my situation over and over again and have that connection with them. The only time I have is outside of work and it's when the queues are too long and I can't get in to talk to someone. I have given up on online services for a bit. It's too much effort for me at the moment. I do get regular appointments with my psychologist and in between those, I see my GP. My GP gives me long appointments to talk over things and she takes the time to listen. Yeah I am safe. I am just tired of everything going on for me. I dread getting out of bed because of the pain, both physical and emotional. I haven't had a break in 31 months now and it's taking a toll on me.
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28-06-2019
10:08 PM
Hey @MisoBear Thanks for replying. Yeah it is a struggle living out of home. Last year I had three goals: graduating uni, finding a job and moving out of home. Now that I have achieved all of those, I don't know what to do anymore. I don't have a purpose or anything that I am working towards. I have been running on empty and living life on auto pilot. I agree with you that it would be easier to work on one thing but I don't know what to do or how to start. I am stuck and lost and no one cares about me. Chronic pain, ASD and ADHD are permanent and they can't be fixed, so I will have to live like this. I used to challenge the thought that no one cares about me. I tried reaching out to two of my closest friends and they ended up shutting me down. They said that they accepted me for who I am and that they will be there for me no matter what. When I reached out, one of them left me on seen and the other one hasn't replied for more than two weeks. They have time for everyone else but not for me. In my experience, when I opened up to people about my struggles, every single one of them abandoned me. I don't have many friends but I tried to keep up the friendships I have. It's my fault that I am not normal and that is the reason everyone leaves me. Something is fundamentally wrong with me and I am damaged beyond repair. I don't know what I should make of it when people say that they are there for me but they abandon me when I try and reach out. It's not just one or two people, all my friends have done that. I am the only one trying and the friendships have become one-sided. I try all I can but I get nothing out of it. I don't know what to do anymore. I feel so lonely and left out and I don't know what I did to deserve all this. I never try to intentionally hurt anyone. I am always nice to everyone but yeah I don't know what I am doing wrong.
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28-06-2019
09:55 PM
Hey @Jay-RO Thanks for replying. I love my job and it's related to what I did at uni. Training has finished and work is a bit slow at the moment. I have to wait until I get assigned to a project. If I don't have anything to do, I keep thinking about how bad things are. Some positive things about my job are that everyone is welcoming at the workplace and we get a lot of opportunities. I am tired of life and I dread getting out of bed. I have to support myself so I push through that and make it to work everyday. I never had friends growing up and I was bullied quite a lot in school because I was different. The first time I ever had friends was when I started uni. Opening up to them about my struggles pushed them away. They got sick of me and ended up abandoning me eventually. The same happened with work friends. It was going well until the mask came off and I opened up to them. It hasn't been the same since then. They ended up isolating me too. All my friendships are one-sided. I am the only one putting in all the effort and I get nothing in return. Going out to events and clubs is not an option for me unfortunately. It's really hard in loud and crowded places and it brings on sensory overload. I have to wear noise cancelling headphones quite often when I have to do things like grocery shopping or walking to work. No one cares about me and I know that I am a lost cause because chronic pain, ASD and ADHD cannot be fixed. With everything that happened in the past few months, the evidence confirms that no one cares and I am a lost cause. If I could take a break, I want to switch off and not worry about things. I don't want to think about how shit my life is. I want to spend time with someone who cares and talk to them. I just want a break from everything to be honest. I have talked to my psych about all of this and we have been working on it but yeah its pretty hard when I feel like this all the time.
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27-06-2019
11:09 PM
Hey all, Sorry I haven't been on the forums for a while now. I moved out of home for work interstate a few months back. I finished uni last year and started a grad job. I left my friends and family back home and I have no one here. I feel really lonely and isolated. I suffer from severe depression and anxiety and I have been on medications for that for a long time now. I love my job but I dread going to work everyday. It's a struggle to get out of bed every morning and go to work. It's only been a few months since I got my diagnoses for Autism Spectrum Disorder and ADHD. I have been having a hard time accepting that. I haven't disclosed these at work and if I did, I think that it will lead to more harm than good. I have been pretending everyday that things are fine when they are not and it's really draining. I tried making friends here but it didn't work out. They all were supportive at the start but once they found out about the diagnoses, they isolated me. People only talk to me if they need something from me. I made the effort to go out after work every week but this week they completely cut me off. They all went out last night and I was the only one not invited. This is not the first time but it still hurts. I have drifted apart from my friends back home too. I tried staying in touch but they stopped replying to my messages. I have always been the first one to initiate contact, but I don't get anything out of it. They said that they would be there for me but their actions show otherwise. The most recent example is me texting my friend and he hasn't replied in more than two weeks now. It's not the first time and he only messages me if he wants something from me. I know that people can be busy but it still hurts. Both my friends back home and at work have time for each other and not for me. It is pretty clear that no one cares about me. I am tired and I feel really burnt out. I haven't had a break in 31 months now and I don't think I can get one anytime soon. I suffer from chronic pain too. It has been going on for more than a year now. I saw a pain specialist last week and they said that nothing can be done. It was my last hope at getting better, but that's gone now. They said that I have to live with pain and it's in my head. I have been doing all I can to help with pain: seeing a physiotherapist, medications and going to the gym, but nothing is helping. I am seeing a psychologist and I have a good GP but that's the only support I have. I am all on my own and even though I try to distract myself with work, it doesn't help. I have tried everything I can and I guess I am a lost cause. My diagnoses cannot be fixed, I will always be in pain and no one cares about me and what I do. I am safe but I don't know what to do anymore. I struggle with life every single day and I have lost all hope. I am on my own and I know that no one cares. I am different and damaged beyond repair. Sorry for the long winded post.
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18-02-2019
09:15 AM
Sorry for not being active for the past couple of days. I just wanted to post an update. I have managed to find full time work and move interstate. I am in a much better place now because I have the grad job and I can start my career. There are things that I haven't dealt with and I do have a lot going on, but I don't have much support here. My friends and family are back home. I have also had some medication changes which has been hard to deal with. I might just start a new thread about those things soon, but I wanted to say thank you to everyone for listening to me and supporting me.
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05-02-2019
09:39 PM
1 Kudo
Hey @Jay-RO Thanks for the link, I'll check it out. At uni, I worked best at night so I would do tasks that required more concentration then, such as working on assignments. In the mornings and during the day, I would do tasks like writing notes or completing readings. I used to find it hard to get started but I had to get things done because I had deadlines to meet. It will be a good idea to start a new thread on starting things. I'll leave this one for when I need more support on my situation.
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05-02-2019
01:16 PM
Hey @letitgo I have a plan on how I will apply for jobs. I have mapped out the opening and closing dates of grad programs. I have broken it down into smaller tasks like updating my resume, researching the company, writing a cover letter etc. It just seems to be too much effort and I can barely get started. If I don't apply, I will miss out this year. I have to apply but I can't get started.
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04-02-2019
02:53 PM
Hey @gina-RO I only started this job a few months back and it's casual work so I don't get leave. I can work whenever I want to as long as I get my tasks done, so its flexible in that way. I didn't get a break in the past two years because I was studying full time at uni. I graduated in December last year. It's too big of a risk to take a day or two off because of my thoughts. I feel a bit okay when I am working and I find it hard to cope when I am not. Today is one of the days when I can't focus on anything at all. I have been at work all day and I barely got anything done. I also have to apply for full time grad jobs this month, but I am dreading it so much. It takes so much effort and time.
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04-02-2019
02:36 PM
I don't know what to do anymore. I have been trying to get work done but I can't focus at all. I feel pretty tired and burnt out from not being able to take a break for the past two years. I feel pretty lonely but there is nothing I can do about it. At this point, I really wish I had some support but I don't think that I will ever get it. It really sucks to be in this position.
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04-02-2019
12:12 PM
Hey @Esperanza67 Its pretty tough living like this when my mental health is so bad. I don’t have any support for my diagnoses either. My psychologist would have been good but I don’t have that option anymore. My GP is managing the medication side of things but other than that, I have nothing. My friends and family don’t care and I got abandoned by my psych. I still feel the same today. I feel pretty lonely but there is nothing I can do. I came in to work today but I can’t focus on my work and I can barely get anything done.
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03-02-2019
10:09 PM
Hey @Taylor-RO Thanks for saying that <3 I am still finding it hard to cope even when I am doing the best I can. I have to go to bed soon and I always have a hard time sleeping. I am constantly tired and I can't seem to switch off and take a break. I don't know what to do anymore. Today has been harder than yesterday and tomorrow will be harder than today. Everyday is harder for me than the previous day :(
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03-02-2019
09:18 PM
Another day has passed and I still feel the same. I just want the pain to stop. I have work tomorrow, which will help distract me a bit. I am having a hard time tonight dealing with my thoughts.
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03-02-2019
01:13 PM
Hey @Esperanza67 Thank you <3 I got abandoned twice by psychologists, who I trusted a lot. They had private practices, but they didn't want to see me there. I didn't get a reason either on why they left me. I can't go through that pain again. I don't want to start all over again with someone new because the risk of abandonment outweighs the benefits. I don't think I will ever go back to seeing a psychologist ever again because of what happened. I have given up on all hope that things can get better for me. I have to live like this. I have tried online services too, they don't help. I can't talk on the phone, so that's not an option for me. I have tried everything I could. My friends and family don't care anymore. Things have been worse and it's hard to manage after I got the diagnoses of Asperger's and ADHD.
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02-02-2019
11:34 PM
Hey @mrmusic Yeah it's pretty tough living like this, but I just need some help accepting that things will never change and I am not meant to have a good life. Honestly, all I want in my life is my career and I can't have that when my mental and physical health is so bad. On top of all that, I feel lonely a lot of the time. I don't really know how I can be helped. I wish I did. I know that talking to someone face-to-face helps but I don't have that anymore and I'll never be able to go back.
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02-02-2019
09:50 PM
Hey @mrmusic It's a pretty tricky situation to be in. I have no one who cares about me and eventually people get so tired of me that they end up leaving. I feel like I am a burden on everyone in my life. I have tried doing a gratitude journal before. I use an app for that these days, but it doesn't help me much unfortunately.
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02-02-2019
08:46 PM
I don't know what to do anymore. I am having a hard time not thinking about how bad things are. I don't have work till Monday, so it will be hard to manage in the weekend.
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02-02-2019
05:05 PM
Hey @Lan-RO Thanks for checking in <3 My night was rough and I am still feeling really down today too :( I don't know why this always happens to me. I want to get better but that is too much to ask for.
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01-02-2019
08:58 PM
Hey @Bee Yeah I do have a routine and I try to go to bed at the same time each night and wake up at the same time each morning. I can't get to sleep because I keep thinking about all the bad things that life has thrown at me. I don't know why but I am feeling pretty abandoned tonight. I feel like I did to something to deserve all this pain. I just want the pain to stop but I know that this is what my life is and how things will be. I have no hope left that anything can improve.
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01-02-2019
08:36 PM
Hey @Bee Thank you <3 I have had a chronic sleep problem for a while now. More so, after my psych abandoned me. I can't really do anything about it. I am seeing my doctor next week, but until then I am at a loss on what to do. I am feeling really lonely tonight and I am having a hard time dealing with my thoughts. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
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01-02-2019
07:59 PM
Hey @letitgo I couldn't sleep properly last night. I kept thinking about everything. I feel pretty tired and done with everything. I spent the entire day at work, but I couldn't get much done unfortunately. I feel abandoned tonight too and I am having a hard time coping again.
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31-01-2019
09:13 PM
Hey @Bee Yeah it is disheartening and the worst part is that I will never be able to trust someone again to talk about what I have been through and what I go through on a daily basis. The diagnoses reiterate the face that life is hard for me and I have a lot more to deal with on top of what I already go through. Opening up about it made me lose friends and there is hardly anyone in my life who is supportive of it. Once again, I am finding it hard to cope tonight and deal with all my thoughts.
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31-01-2019
08:17 PM
Hey @Bee Thank you <3 I didn't get a reason on why they left me and they did that at the worst possible time, which sucks a lot. It's something that has been on my mind a lot along with my other problems. I guess that I have to accept that life will be like this for me and find a way to accept that nothing will ever get better. I have the diagnoses of Asperger's and ADHD, which only makes things worse for me.
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31-01-2019
07:50 PM
Hey @Bee I can't talk on the phone so it's not an option for me, and I have tried online before. It hasn't worked out. They have said to seek face-to-face help because of everything that I am going through. I don't think I will ever be able to trust again because of the abandonments. I have had my trust broken before, but those were the last straws for me.
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31-01-2019
07:22 PM
Hey @basketofmonkeys @Bee I don't think I will ever be open to trying a new psychologist. It could help but the risk is too much for me to take, especially after being abandoned twice. I don't think I can ever go back to face to face help, even when I know that it would be the best option for me. I guess life is meant to be that way for me and nothing will ever get better. The sooner I accept that, the better it is for me. I don't know what I did to deserve all of what I am going through, but I also know that there is no way out. I didn't have any supports other than my psych before and now I have no one. My doctor does care, but I can't talk to her about everything because the amount of time is limited, even when I book longer appointments with her.
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| Subject | High Fives | Posted |
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| 2 | 03-07-2019 07:00 PM | |
| 1 | 01-07-2019 09:25 PM | |
| 2 | 29-06-2019 10:48 PM | |
| 1 | 05-02-2019 09:39 PM |
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| Date Registered | 12-01-2019 10:02 PM |
| Date Last Visited | 03-07-2019 09:01 PM |
| Total Messages Posted | 85 |
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