Thank you everyone for the advice. I should probably look into counselling however o would find it hard to speak to a complete stranger dace to face about what happened. Also it happened 6 years ago so i dont know if thats still relevant. You speak of dissociation, I guess this makes sense as I do feel like my mind shuts down during. Not only that but the thought of being very close to someone makes me feel uncomfortable almost like it makes me want to cringe?? I can relate with you as don't know how it feels to connect with someone. I can communicate and be around others but I don't feel as if I have a 'connection so to speak. I think yous are right in saying that I should speak to someone.
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I'm in a long term relationship with a man that I love. His supportive, caring and great. The reason I'm seeking guidance is because I cant feel emotions during sex and I'm not sure what steps to take to fix it? I'll explain why.
My partner was telling me how he loves 'being' with me because it's an emotional experience and it makes him feel close to me. I didnt understand this. Sex has never been emotional to me and having sex does not make me feel close to him. For me, sex seems like something I do to be satisfied 'physically' rather than 'emotionally'. He explained that physical and emotional are two different types of sex which I do understand but I havent personally experienced.
He speaks of this emotional connectedness as something amazing and that two partners should share in a healthy relationship. I'm sad because I dont feel this? I do know that I love him and care for him deeply but when it comes to sex I dont feel this emotional thing he speaks of?
I think it might be because my first ever sexual experience wasnt great. I was 15 and without going into details I was essentially taken advantage of (sexually) by two people I honestly believed would never hurt me. We grew up together, I classed them and two of my closest friends but they drugged me and... yeah. I could tell that something bad happened because I was...kind of hurt down there and they just disappeared. Never heard from them again. I told my mother and she didnt do anything so I pushed it to the back of my mind. A few years later I met my partner and fell in love. I felt like I could finally open up but I still struggle with the intimate side of things.
My partner knows what happened. How can I experience intimacy? Sex just feels like a physical process to me. I want to know what it feels like to be normal and involve emotions in sex with someone you love and trust. I want to feel like 'connectedness' people speak of but at the moment it just seems hopeless because I feel like it's so ingrained into me to be the way I am.
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