hey @Unknowwn, a lot of people have already given some really great insights but I wanted to add in my own two cents. I agree with @scared01 that you might be experiencing some dissociation during intimacy with your partner, and that it's probably rooted in your early bad experience with sex. Experiences (especially things we experience early in life, and our first experiences) play a huge part in shaping our reactions, emotions, and behaviours around the topics of those experiences, and sex is especially tricky because there are so many complicated things such as consent, bodily autonomy, emotion and intimacy involved. Like you, I had a really bad early experience with sex and because of that I always saw sex as something you do but never felt a sense of connection from it; for me it was primarily a way you used to control and hold power over other people. It was only until I was in a long term relationship with a loving and sensitive partner that I learnt to relax and enjoy the process and feel emotions during it. I agree that speaking to a counsellor or calling a hotline would be a good idea in helping you talk about what happened, but I also want to add that there is no 'right' way to feel about sex. Many people see sex as a way of establishing emotional connection and intimacy and that's great! But there are also people who don't enjoy having sex, feel indifferent to it, and are even repulsed by it, and their feelings on sex also deserve to be respected. I think it's much more complicated for you because you were taken advantage of your friends, and because of that it's important to explore what meaning sex has for you in a space where you feel safe and not judged without feeling pressured to 'feel' in a certain way.
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