When I was 17, I was suffering with severe depression and anxiety, and my older brother's friend approached me and began an online relationship with me. At the time, I had just been discharged from psychiatric hospital and was still really vulnerable. I hadn't really had any experience before, and wasn't looking for anything sexual. We had met at my brother's 21st birthday party and he had gone out of his way to contact me afterwards. He began a secret thing with me.  After a while he suggested I go over to his house. I thought it was a date, and that he was interested in me romantically. When I went over, he had made sure that nobody else was in the home and we headed upstairs almost immediately and started making out. I can't remember exactly what happened, I think I have repressed most of it.   But things got more intense. I don't remember whether I wanted to have sex or he suggested it go further. But I definitely didn't suggest any of the things that happened. I didn't think I could really say no and that's what he wanted to do (sex). I was a virgin so I didn't know much. But he then convinced me to do lots of things I didn't want to do.   I had wanted to have romantic normal sex, because it was my first time. He said no, and convinced my to try something else instead even though I said I didn't want to. He said he wouldn't take my virginity which didn't make sense.  At one point I passed out, and he asked me if I was okay which was the confusing part. Why did he do that? I guess I didn't scream or ask him to stop. But it felt wrong, I wasn't safe or in an environment where I could speak up and say no. I stayed over the night because I was trapped and couldn't call for help, and the next day after refusing to have normal sex he had sex with me before I left. It felt awful and wrong. I felt manipulated and like I couldn't say no. I told him after that day that it was awful, and how traumatised I was. I think he was scared that my brother would find out, and made out that he was just an innocent nice guy. But then admitted he had a sex/porn addiction, and that he had known it was wrong. I didn't understand and just blocked him and the experience out of my life. Now that I'm 22, I don't know how somebody could accidentally do that, or to pretend to not know it was wrong.  I couldn't myself imagine being okay with that power dynamic. What happened to me? Do I have a right to be angry? I am so confused still. ... View more