Thanks for both your replies sophie and benny.   i have been doing alot of work around positive thinking and stopping all my negative thinking.. im not doing very well with it but i guess its just something i have to keep working on.   Thank you for sharing with me benny i do respond well to others stories. I think with work i never wanted to be here.. i started here to help my dad out years ago, i quit at one stage for a few years when i was going through a hard spot in my life. I was working at a winery 2 days a week and i needed more money so i decided to come back here full time... i think its getting to that point again where i need a change..unfortunatly i dont know what to do.. i have no qualifications im doing a degree online for computers but i wont be finished for a years to come with that..   Im so used to making my self feel to blame for everything that goes wrong in my life.. i know i have some responsibility to the things that happen in my life... but i have to try and stop letting the voice in my head beat the crap out of me everyday.   I really do appreciate people sharing with me it does make a difference.. makes me feel not so alone and excluded from life. ... View more

Hey Tayla.   What you have said isnt crazy at all! When i was 16 me and my father didnt get along at all... I was drinking on school nights and getting in trouble all the time. i ended up becoming real close with my basketball coach at the time.. he was like a father figure to me.. then he decided he wanted to sexual abuse me and screw with my head. ANYWAY after all this i get that same feeling.. everyone and their dads get along so well and ive just never had that.   First up you gotta accept what you have..... and more so be grateful for what you have. Once you acctually do that you will start moving forward and thats where you want to be. Its a hard thing to do sometimes but work at it, even with a counsellor or someone older then your self to help guide you.   You gotta take a step back for a second.. i belive in this world we have all we need inside our selves. At your age you probably wont see that but you will soon. All i  can say for now is look for someone to be the figure just because they are not your blood doesnt mean they dont care as much a real mother.. Its shitty i know but you gotta keep your head up kiddo our lives are too short to be sad all the time im relising that at 26.   Hope you understand where im coming from here ... View more

Hey mate Welcome to the forums :) I diffinitley know whats going on for you.. im in a very similar situations and its never easy hearing someone you love so much and have loved says they dont feel the same way anymore.. same things happened with me it was broken off relativley nicely with the occassional argument but i guess thats what happens.   One thing im finding with this whole thing is while we are young and in a relationship esspecially a long meaningful one someone always freaks out and thinks this is all they have in there life. my ex did the same thing to me im 26 shes 20 and she tried to blame it on me a bit but when it comes down to it she is the one that had the problem..   Your only young and that doesnt mean what your feeling isnt valid but most of the times these things dont work out the way we hope they would. its a hard pill to swallow. I even did the same thing to another girlfriend i had..  i was 19 and started thinking is this all i have coming in this life? weather or not its true doesnt matter at the time really.   Its a killer situation mate.. your gunna feel inadequate not good enough.. like you have done wrong by her.. your gunna put her on a pedastal and see her as the be all and end all of life.... Just trust me and im sure others will back me up.. its not true mate. It may be the best thing in your life atm but it doesnt mean its the only thing you will ever have.. ive broken up and been broken up with and i still love the next girl just as much.. if not more...   For now you need to work on your self. and there are heaps of ways to do this.. you can start smashing exercise to get your self feeling pyshically better, this will help your own self image to.. Also i think its important to access your thinking in this time aswell... all the negative thoughts are not helpful to you.. When you get them think to your self.. is this really true? if i was giving advice to my best mate about this would i say something like that?  be rational about whats going on you dont want to let all the negatives start ruleing your life and how you think.   I know you want to do whatever you can to get her back and love you again.. So did i mate. but then you relise why should i waste all this time and energy trying to make someone love me back when there are so many other people out there that will love you the way you are.. like i keep saying its not an easy road ahead.. But be smart and do things right by your self.   Facebook is a killer for this stuff. If you can maybe delete her? let her know its not because u hate her but because u need to do it for your self just like she said to you. If not stay the hell away from it. all that did for me is cause me heart ache everytime i saw her face or name or her talking to anyone it drove me nuts!! so just the heads up on that one buddy   Keep posting on here if u have to mate and dont be sorry for how long your msgs are least ur giving your self the chance to move forward All the best mate Ryan ... View more

Hey mate. Stuff like this always has a weird F*%*ed up way of showing it self.. from my example when we broke up it took me like 2 weeks to even feel anything then it hit me like a tonne of bricks.. your emmotions are just showing them selves and it will happen at random times. i think one thing im learning at the moment is that i cant hurry being happy again, i keep thinking its been long enough now i should b running around doing back flips screaming im happy, reality is thats not what is happening. We keep beating our selves up over and over about the whole situation, then when it gets to hard we drop into the pit of our un happiness. Relise now that all whats happening is normal.. u know why.. its because you care. if you didnt this wouldnt mean anything to you.. You remind me alot of my self, i will do what ever it takes to make things work.. i run all the scenarios in my head of what has been and what might have come. what i should do now and what i should have done.. i feel im always the bad person, the monster that ruins everything in my life.. Its all BullS&*t     I totally get the panicked animal idea. Your feeling this way because you are so used to things the way they were... when things were easy and just happened. Now things are changing your mind and body dont like this. What you have to do is find your inner strength.. How do you want to be as a man? im not saying your not aloud to be sad or that you cant cry... but in order to defeat this look to what you want to be.. Do you want to be the small one? the weak one ? the frightned one? i started asking my self that and im over being a victim... and being sad! and its because my negative thoughts and past belifes are ruleing my thinking.. Its not an easy task to change these things, but its not immpossible.   The New Psycho-Cybernetics by Dr Maxwell maltz is a book im reading (well listening to via audio books) but this is helping me see and explore why i always come back to these feelings when things go wrong for me.. It may not do anything for you but start taking action to stop this ruleling you. Get your power back and you start healing... Hope i make sense sometimes i go on these rants and im not even sure if anyone understands what im saying lol.. but i do it with good intention for you..   All the best bro! Ryan     ... View more

Yeah im pretty excited to see if seeing a hypnotherepist will help me out! i really hope it does. as for coping stratergies i guess ive never really had any, well none that i know work. i used to just get drunk and get angry hurt my self or even others some times (long time ago). Ill have to invest some time in working out something cause im sick of living inside my head all day and night thinking about shit all the time.. its driving me nuts   ... View more

i dont really know any techniques to cope better... Im going to see a hypnotherpist on saturday so hopefully that will help me out if not ill have to get back into going to the psychologist.. ... View more

Hey guys not coping well today so i thought id get on here and vent. I keep having dreams about my ex... everyday i wake up its hard to get out of bed. i keep on getting to work late and i work for my father and i keep letting him down. its breaking my heart thinking of not being with her.. i want to msg her and tell her how much i miss her but im certain its just going to cause me more pain getting a response i dont want to hear. i am moving back into my old ways a little im starting to get the urge to hurt my self (not suicide) but i feel like causing my self pyshical pain to ease my emmotional pain. Im trying really hard to keep my head together and to stay stong.. i just dont want to fall apart ... View more

All good buddy! by the sounds of it you guys can still work things out. To me it seems like you both want to.. and hey if it doesnt work out least you tried and you wont regret it.   Your going to be really on edge and anxious its cause it means so much to you.. Im with you. at work i pace up and down when i dont have things to do and now im chain smoking.. i guess you gotta try keep your head together and at least try focus on something as much as you can..   If you keep things the way they are going now i belive things will work out and like i said if it doesnt you can hold your head up and say you gave it your best shot... you dont want to look back wondering what you should have done or said.. thats a shit feeling to have. Keep being the man you are, show no fear. ... View more

Hey kate.   You are a young girl and that doesnt mean your problem isnt valid. i had a few girl friends that i thought i could spend the rest of my life with around your age. when i look back at them now i relise they were only young loves. doesnt mean u dont love them anyless. at your age all you guys are going through so many changes. this really messes with your emotions.. one thing ill say to you.. is be strong and do what you need to do.. move forward and dont let him conduct how you are feeling   the stress is why u are losing weight. keep talking to people, write on here if you have to just dont give him power over you ... View more

Hey andrew. bennys right im going through some tough stuff with a relationship. it may not be exactly the same, but i have plenty to say on the subject :P Im happy to help wherever i can.   I think its good your thinking about the situation with a level head.. most people dont do that and end up doing things they might regret. Use us to vent to. i think if you keep throwing it on her she will end up resenting you or turning it around on you...   that kinda happened with my situation. its shit the way it works sometimes. you feel that you can always say what you want when you want and this person will always understand. the reality is thats not always the case. i wrote a the biggest heart filled letter to my ex a week or so after we broke up. telling her how i felt and why i felt this way from past experience ect.. you would think that me doing this would help her to stay strong with me.. but as i was on one knee shaking with tears in my eyes she just said she couldnt.. she wouldnt even touch me.. to me it made no sense how can someone turn like that. but its the way it works sometimes i guess..   what im trying to point out is that if you have said what u need to say u cant keep diggin it in cause it will do the opposite most of the time.. sometimes they need to come to the conclusions them self. Make it clear where you stand and throw her the ball. in doing that you have tried you will have no regrets. it may go your way and it may not.. we both must relise there are others out there as hard and shit as that seems, cause i know u dont want anyone else.   keep posting on here when ever u are in a hard spot. ill do my best to help you out as will the others on here. then you are not so alone. You will get passed this with or with out her, we are built to survive it just tears us apart in the process :P   ... View more

Hey lonelygirl just checking in to see how your doing with everything. ... View more

You can take her to the doctor and get a health care plan you get session through that. or you can goto a counsellor in your local area... some times you have to find a good one for you   ... View more

ive had simillar experiances funny enough any time something big happens in the world eg: the twin towers, wars breaking out big things that take over the news... ive woken up in the middle of the night a few times for no reason and i will stragnly turn on my tv and all the tv stations have it all over them   i dont feel responsible for any of this sometimes bad things happen but like the other poster said i would say its just cause u are worried and its in the back of your mind and coinsidently your nightmares fall in line with all this.... im no expert on this u could really predict the future im not going to shut the door on that.. but u cant change any of this either way its not your burden to hold. ... View more

hey all. To both the original poster and gotchi.. Short and sweet... Stand up for who you are and what you belive in.. Learning to stand strong is the best way to stop people walking all over you.. its not easy but when people learn not to mess with you they quickly learn not to... most people like that are usually really weak and insecure people. Vent on here talk to a friend but never let them see you be hurt by there crap.. if they see that they will want more.   no ones perfect and we all learn that at some stage.. Fight fight fight be strong and one day you will look down on them and laugh. bit evil i know but i cant stand bullying if u ever need to talk about it everyone on here will listen and help!   ... View more

Hey buddy   having a quick look over your post i think what your doing so far is the ticket! If you are worried she still isnt coping to well i recommend seeing a pychologist or counselor. If shes not comfortable going you could go with her i know pysch are fine with that.   in doing that you know shes still getting support, positive reinforcement and has someone else to contact. If you cant be there all the time, when you are there to help, let her know your there to take her hand and walk the hard road with her, and you wont let go and by helping her to take action to fight against the negativity and her mother. when your not around u know at least shes still can go forward while ur away   i think that gives you a peice of mind that shes starting to handle things, and when ur not there shes gaining skills to deal with her problem. Reassurance can be the key. esspecially with woman.   I understand how you feel im very defensive of my girlfriends (not overprotective eg. not letting her out or talk to other guys) but when they are upset and someone is putting them down or hurting them i would go to hell and back for the one i love to stop hurting. but you gotta keep a level head to even though i would do these things going over the top or stepping in can back fire. BUT be there and dont let her take shit from anyone   Hope this helps you mate ... View more

Thanks benny! its just one of those things the good things i am doing dont feel as good as they should but hopefully in time i will be alot happier about it.   Here are a few of the quotes i thought stood out the most: Muhammad Ali - "I hated every minute of training, but i said, 'dont quit. Suffer now and live the rest of your life like a champion"   Michale Jordan - "Ive missed more the 9000 shots in my career, ive lost almost 300 games. 26 times ive been trusted to take the game winning shot and missed. ive failed over and over and over again in my life.... and that is why i succeed."   Bruce Lee - "Dont pray for an easy life, pray for the strength to endure a difficult one"   Le Bron James - "Dont be affraid of failure... this is the way to succeed"   Thats just a few there are so many!! i guess look up a person you admire and see what they have said! on another note any girls reading there are so many great fitness motivational quotes out there for females... from looking up my own i saw heaps! and for the guys maybe give em a look to ;) haha   ... View more

I totatly understand how you feel about this i had a labradore names Ruffles i got him when i was young and grew up with him.. he was my best mate. he eventually started to get a bit old and had a heap of problems with his health, eventually we had to get him put down and it broke my heart seeing him go...   The advice i will give you is lucky for me a few months before this happened a bought another puppy a german sheppard girl named charlie. when ruffles passed having her there made it so so so much easier. ill never forget ruffles we acctually got him cremated and his urn is in our house :) Charlie is easily the best thing thats happened to me.. i have grown such a strong bond with that dog shes like my child lol if you have the oppturnity maybe get another dog i know that deffinitly helped me out   ... View more

Thanks heaps for your reply ben i acctually started going to the gym right after the break up.. ive lost like 10kgs and im eating well. i guess it just comes down to the fact that its going to be hard and i just gotta fight the negative thoughts off as best i can! after i felt so bad today when i got home i smashed out an hour of excercise. i havent done that at home in go knows how long. but after i was done i feel alot better. i have to be happy with results and be paitent!   one thing i will add for anyone else reading this while i was feeling down i went on the computer and looked up motivational quotes from famous people. i looked up Lebron James (his my idol) Bruce Lee arnold swarzneggar muhumad ali   Anyway i noticed while i spent time just looking for some good ones i was slowly getting motivated.. i know it sounds a bit stupid but if it worked for me im sure it can help some of you out there reading. ... View more

and the pain keeps coming.. i spoke to my mum today about the whole thing and she told me that on my birthday she didnt want to be around me because i would be on the computer... now i cant stop beating my self up. feel like i deserve the way i feel.. i pushed out someone i loved and who loved me.. she fell out of love and im paying the price.. i really want to contact her and tell her i miss her so much and i hope she is going good.. my friends keep telling me not to and i know i shouldnt. the constant fight in my head is draining me ... View more

I'm happy that it helps! That's one positive out of it I can help others from my experience even though it was bad. Hope ur both doing well ... View more

Jochan95 and Youngster   i think Joc has made a great point. we are worthy alot more then we make our selves out to be. i have a similar problem.. i do still go out and socailze but i always think people are looking at me judging. i usually get it worst with females i feel they are looking at me thinking how repulsive i am.. ... View more

Hey welcome to the forum. I can relate to you on this one in my own round about way.. ill try make it short for you im 26 years old my g/f broke up with me a few months back and ever since that i have felt the same way. very lonley my parents want me to move out because im "to old"   Dont feel selfish and stupid for how you feel..... everyone can tell you how you should feel.. how you should act.. but they are not you! we are different.. with all thats going on for you its only natural to be feeling so crap.. you have let go of someone you have been with for 6 years.. you feel rejected by your mum and it builds from there..   i think you should start trying to meet some new people.. get some fresh faces in your life.. maybe even start dating again.. you are lonley now but you wont be forever.   like one of the other posters suggested if you must move out on your own why not try shared accomodation with some new people?   Lastly.. id love to know how to not feel things.. but if you care about something you are going to feel if you shut down how you feel and ignore things it will just come back to get you later. ive been finding that looking up ways to help manage negative thoughts and emotions and maybe you could start there.. its not an instant fix but its helping me get through to a degree maybe you can try to   I hope your feeling better soon Ryan ... View more

This is a tough one... when i was 16 my basketball couch took advantage of me and my trust and was not raping me but i guess u would call it sexual abuse. anyway from going through that easily the best thing that helped me was seeing a pyschologist to work out my feelings and emotions around the whole thing.. i didnt do this untill i was 21 after i had a break down.. dont let her suppress it because its going to come out and bite her later on in life...   thats the first thing  2nd thing is like the others have said. keep being that good friend for her. dont let her go quiet cause most of the time that means shes going somewhere dark in her head... shes gunna need time to deal with all these emotions but having someone by ur side makes everything easier... id also say once u feel things are getting better for her start to challenge her to do new things... doing that you may help her get a lust for life   Hopefully my advice came out right and its of use to you both ... View more

Hey welcome to the forums. im also new here and i know the people on here will do the best they can to support you. I cant begin to imagine what you are going through right now but one thing i will point out you have done nothing wrong to deserve this... the world doesnt work like that.. i know when things are hard we think some how we are being punished. if that were true all the evil people in this world would be dropping like flies.   You have a son and no matter what you do in this life you will never be a burden on him.. you have given him the gift of life. And from what i can tell your not putting pressure on him cause you are aware of his needs.   I hope this made sense to you and that even if it makes u feel 0.5%  better thats a start   ... View more

Thanks for the replies all. Magga I think your right we are at two different maturity levels. I keep trying to remind my self of that. And also that I was 20 once and I understand what she might b thinking, and taking it with grace not jealousy and despair. I keep thinking all my faults are what caused this And if only I tried harder to be better.. But I guess I could change all I want it may not have mattered. I'm sorry that you have been through a smillar thing lex. I think one of the hardest things I'm dealing with is me being older I don't get out as much and she's out partying and I'm sure being with lots of different guys. I feel like I'm just rotting away. I try to change my thinking when I'm getting down but I find it very hard to over come. ... View more

thank you for your reply I do have many close friends who are all being great! I think thats why i feel so lost... im lucky to have so many good friends in my life. but i feel like ive exhausted all the talking with my mates about it, im stuck in this spot where ive been doing the hard yards and by now i should be feeling better and moving forward, but im stuck in this middle ground... i feel so un loved and un attractive all because the girl i loved wouldnt work with me to make things work.... at the end of the day i guess her being 20 she needs to get out and experiance life and other people a bit more... i just cant get my head around someone being able to drop you like that and cut you off completly ... View more