Hey Helpless Dad, Hope things are ok. It is a tough road we travel,. Hope your son has found someone he can talk to about his issues. Have you found some support for yourself? I have found a book on the internet ( I know.What did we do without it) and reading it helped me put things in perspective. It didn't make it easier, it just showed me how to deal withm y feelings, so I could clearly see the situation. It doesn't offer  solutions to our problems, btw, It is called How to let go of our Adult Children. It is scary when we can't do anything to help, even though we want to. I wish you all the best. Stressed mum   :)   ... View more

Hi Guys, Just needed to talk. My husband and I have been away for 3 days, and have come back and this is what I found. Daughter very chatty and obviously missed us, which was lovely. Talked non stop which is most un-like her.   Told us she came home from work sick with gastric. Then also said perhaps she ate too much pizza. Apparently in  my bin were 3 pizza boxes, although that was spread  over the weekend. She also bought hereslf Hungry Jacks, and maltesers (bucket) but gave about 1/2 bucket to my husband.   She went to a study date with her University friends, and attended dance rehearsals. She also tells me she has been eating Special K over the weekend, and doesn't want tea.   I have let her talkand chat to us, and commiserated that she had been sick. I did say perhaps greasy food doesn't agree with her, and she agreed and said "now you"'re home you can cook tea for me "Her bedroom door was open and I commented on the maltesers and made a joke saying "half your luck, I love them."She then gave them to my husband, saying that she didn't want any more. She didnt get cranky with me for asking or looking in her bedroom, which has been an issue in the past. She also said she is the smallest in her dance class,  and was quite proud of that. I don't know whether she was stating fact for my benefit, or trying to convince herself of that, or what, but I just smiled and let it go.   HELP!!!   AM I doing the right thing by not commenting on it as she has exams coming up? Is this a normal teenage what I can do moment? Is this a Ï'm not really a grown up"moment?. Ïs this a cry for help that I am missing?   I am trying my best to stay calm, and am hoping that it was just a mistake, like going out and getting drunk, (which she doesn't do)   Trying to put this all in perspective. Looking forward to any comments from parents or anyone that has been in a similar position on either side of the discussion. Thanks for listening to my stream of thoughts.   Stressed (again)         ... View more

Hi Butterfly 7, Thanks for the thoughts. I think at the minute the binging is to do with stress. The meds have made a huge difference in her reactions and perceptions, but the stress may take longer to control. I suppose it could also have become a habit. We are away this weekend and she said she was going to get pizza and eat while watching lectures. I didn't make a fuss and just told her to do what she needed to do. It is a big step forward that she is sharing what she eats, as this has been a secret with her for a while. She is talking about when Uni finishes so that is a good sign too. I feel she may have not studied or has missed a few lectures, but that is part of growing up. You make mistakes and you learn from them. That is what I have come to realise. She will always be my baby, but she is an adult, and has to experience he consequences of her actions. Having said that, I will help her with the depression and eating if asked, because that is not a normal part of everyone's adolescence. Thanks again, Stressed ... View more

Hi Pika, Sorry to hear about your struggles. Hope today finds you a little bit better. As a mother, I am sure you did the right thing by telling your mum. She will be as concerned as you are, but possibly, like you, isn't sure how to help you. Talking to people here is a great step. If your first psychologist didn't work for you, try a different one. You have a distinct personality and you have the right to talk to a pyschologist who relates to you. Have you been to a GP, or a Psychiatrist to see if medication is an option. I'm not saying it would be, but it is another option to consider.  I don't say these things lightly, and have a 19 yr old daughter who has been down this path, and for her, Cognitive Behaviour Therapy and medication helped a lot. It may not be the road for you, but it is worth looking into. I glad that you have told some friends. That is good that you have people you can trust with this information. If the weight is botheringy ou, ring and talk to the Butterfly Foundation. You don't say whether it is over eating or an eating disorder, but they have some useful fact sheets, and are not judgemental. Try and remember that people like you for who you are: not what you look like or the illness you may have. ÝOu are not defined by your illness, although it may feel like it.   Keep the lines of communication open with your mum. She will be just as worried and confused as you are. Ring Lifeine is you need to talk and let mum know she can ring too. There are a lot of people out there who care and can offer to listen. You are not alone. Take care. Stressed xx ... View more

Hey Helpless Dad,   Even if your son chose to ignore the message you gave about the drugs, he still heard it. It shows him that you love him. Whether he shows it or not, he heard.   Has he considered talking to a psychologist/ counsellor, or is that a bridge too far at the moment. His behaviour could just be teenage rebellion, but it could also show underlying anxiety and stress. I don't know your son, but it is a thought. Perhaps the traineeship was a bit toomuch at this stage. Has he spoken to his employer about perhaps going back after TAFE finishes?   Hang in there, but try not to let hime rule your life. HArd as that is.   Take care. You sound like a really caring parent,   Stressed     ... View more

Hi 939,   While it hurts at the moment, you are better off without the girl. You weren't the problem, she just wasn't ready to commit. Teenage girls can be the nastiest people on earth. However, it has raised some underlying isues for you. I agree with the other posters, that you may need to try a different Psychologist. It is not a one size fits all situation. You really have to connect with your Psych and feel comfortable, before you can really open up and start to heal. As for meds, trial and error. There are many different types and sometimes the first one isn't right for you.   I'm glad that you are getting out of bed. Try and do something positive each day. Write down 3 things that are good about yourself every day. You sound like a caring, well spoken young man. Learn to like yourself first. Have you talked to your parents about your feelings? Sometimes, we are good listeners, even if we are not experts .   Try going out with a few mates once a week. Make a start. Even if it is to throw a footy around in the park. The sunshine won't hurt either. Good luck on your journey   Stressed ... View more

Hi LizzieB,   Good on you for taking the steps to see your GP. WHatever the issue, it won't go away if you don't acknowledge it. It is normal to feel sad sometimes, but you seem to be describing a very different situation. Make sure you tell your GP the whole story, as that will help them give you a proper diagnosis. When we took our daughter , at 15, she and her dad were told, it was normal to feel a bit sad. In her situation, this was not the right advice, so we asked for a referral to a Psychologist, who was trained in mental health. We don'tblame our Dr, because our daughter appeared fine on the surface. This is why I am asking you to explain the full history of your sadness.   Good luck and hope you get an answer.   Stressed   ... View more

Hi, You poor thing. You are certainly dealing with a lot. I agree with the others, and not being a medical professional wouldn't like to give a dignosis, but it does sound like your dad could use some help. I think getting him to a health professional is the first step, but he is an adult, and you may find he doesn't want to go. If that isthe case, you need to talk to someone for your own sake. Perhaps you have a school counsellor, close friend, or your Dr to talk to. Whatever the outcome, this is not a quick fix situation, and you will need support of some kind. Good luck with your dad, and keep us posted.   Stressed ... View more

Thanks Sophie,   You are right about looking after yourself. It is so much easier not to stress, if you are in a happy, healthy place. We seem to be making headway. Daughter didn't go to Uni yesterday, but cleaned up her room, prganised her study notes and said she did some study. She also seemed quite chirpy and sh even had me make an avatar on a cartoon app so we could "share"". I am looking at these as all very positive signs. SHe also asked what was for dinner and I told her, SHe screwed up her nose and said couldn't we have something else. I said  ( in a joking manner) "Get over it"and she had dinner. I am buying fish tonight, so her father can show her how to cook it. (That is a first ). So we will see. Yahnks for the support. It has helped me move along a very positive track, and I really appreciate the website.   Stressed :)     ... View more

Hi Bee,   Thanks for taking the time to reply. I know how hard it is for you to stay relaxed during the HSC, so I get that you might be binging then. Good on you for acknowledging it . Hope your exams are going well.   My daughter seems to be talking to me more,and hanging around so she can mindlessly chat. This is a big step forward, so I will just wait and be here for her. Thank youf ro your concerns, and I will watch and see how I can help. She has taken to watching drivel on the internet as a way of distracting herself from work and study, so perhaps this is a way she can let her mind relax.We will se.   Good luck and thanks again. It is nice ti get a young person's perspective on things. Stressed  :) ... View more

Hi Helpless Dad,   Ahh, parenthood. I feel for you in this situation, because your son is technically an adult. Are you in a position where you can talk to him, or has he put up, "the wall?" He may be confused himself, or this may be his rebellious stage. My personal feelings are that I wouldn't want him smoking dope in my house, and I would have to state that. I don't know if that is an option for you. I'm not sure that you can really do anything except be there and ask if you can do anything to help him? Let him know that you still love him, but do not agree with some of the choices he is making at the moment. Support him all you can, but don't let him railroad you into giving him money, if you think he might buy drugs, for example. Be kind, but don't enable him.   I have a 19 yr old daughter, who has her own issues, but different to waht you are dealing with.. We just have to wait and be there for them and help them when they ask. Please take care and look after yourself, because the hardest thing in the world, is watching your child make poor choices or self destruct. We, and I include myself here, have to believe that they will come out the other side. If it becomes too much for you, ring Lifeline and have a chat. It can make all the world of difference to talk to a third party. Thinking of you Stressed ... View more

Thanks for the reply. I have rung and spoken to th Butterfly Foundation. They were great, but I also wanted to hear how other people, young and parents, dealt with this situation. I have also realised that I need to try and relax around her. Time will tell if this works. Uni exams are the first port of call for her, so I wouldn't even think of saying anything until they are over. No-one ever said parenting was easy. Rewarding - Yes....easy - no.   ... View more

I don't think you are odd, or not worth knowing. Sometimes it is hard to strike up new friendhsips when you only see people for a limited amount of time each week. It is not like school, where you are stuck together 6 hrs or more a day. I suppose there are a couple of things I could suggest. Try talking to at least one new person at every lecture you attend. A smile says everything. Have you ever considered asking if anyone would like to go grab a coffee? people are often open for that, but assume that everyone else is busy. It mgiht just take you longer to form friendships thatn others. The other suggestions about joining Uni groups is also a good one. Good luck with it, and don't write yourself off just yet. Sometimes good friendships take time and effort. Take Care Stressed ... View more

Hey,   You poor thing. I have a daughter that has / had depression. If you are not happy with your Psychologist, is there someone different at the Practice you could see.? Not all Psychologists suit every person. If your symptoms are not getting beter, then you could ask your parents to take you back to the Drs, or see a Psychiatrist. Your illness may have worsenend, or been mis-diagnosed, ot hormones could be adding to your worries. If you are not happy, then you need to keep looking for answers. CBT worked well for my daughter as well as being on meds. She was put on them at 15, but htat was with our support because she was underage , as you are.   Keep looking for the answers and talking to counsellors. Good luck and keep us posted. Stressed xx ... View more