I wish I'd thought of it back in my CB'ing days! ;) Hope you're going well xx ... View more

Hey laugh-a-lot,   I can only imagine how confused you must feel about all of this! It sounds like you were manipulated and taken advantage of by someone who should have known better. It's not uncommon for people in situations like that to have really mixed feelings about the person who has hurt them. Sometimes the mixed feelings can become a source of guilt in themselves, but it's so so so important to remember that you are not alone in experiencing this and that it is perfectly normal.    I think the decision to report/not to report this to the police has to be one you make for yourself. It's not the sort of decision you should feel pressured into by anyone - it is completely personal to you.    Without wanting to sound defeatest, the reality of the criminal justice system is very harsh. I have heard a police officer who works in the area say that if you are '...searching for justice, here is not the place to find it' (though, this is just one opinion). I promise you that I am not trying to deter you, but it's important that you know that the process can be very damaging and harmful for victims. There's plenty of reasons why you still may choose to give a report, but no matter what your wellbeing needs to come first. For some people, despite the hurt it may cause it can be more meaningful and ultimately aid their wellbeing to have reported it. I'm definitely not biased either way, but would strongly suggest that you put yourself first in your decision making.    The other thing that jumps out at me is that, understandably, you seem to feel very confused and unclear about what you think/feel about what happened to you. Sometimes part of clearing up that confusion is speaking to someone about what happened. I'm wondering if talking to a counsellor before you make a decision about the police could work for you? The police  have to ask very specific questions and it may be that if you choose to report, answering these questions could be easier once you have gained some more clarity? You'll know the answer to that better than anyone, so it's best to trust your gut feeling, I say!   I hope that I haven't talked (writen..) too much!   Best of luck to you,     Ash     ps: I think a counsellor would probably be a better person to comment on whether it is sexual assault, given that you would be able to share more of the circumstances. Though if you were under 16 then it is legally sexual assault (there's no subjectivity to that). And I think you'll find that agreeing to engage due to coersion does not count as consent under the law. It's also important to know that 'not saying no' does not mean 'yes' (seriously!). There's actually some awesome awesome stuff to read about what is called 'active consent'. I once attended a workshop on active consent run by a woman called Nina Funnell, who is an interesting person to look up. I'm wondering if reading some of the active consent stuff could also help you to understand your experience a little better? Just a thought ;)   pps: fun fact (well, perhaps fun is not the best word...): under NSW law it is the accused's responsibility to prove they had consent. And consent doesn't count if there was coersion, if the person was under the influence of substances to the point where they could not make rational decisions (etc). It only counts as consent if the person has indicated clearly that they consent (the absense of not consenting is NOT consent).      ... View more