I'm just in way too deep with debt and, well, EVERYTHING. Was homeless for a while and finally got approved for a house, only to be declined for a bond loan at 4:40 on a Friday afternoon. Ended up pulling some strings and got the bond paid but in amongst all this I was trying to keep on top of uni (I'm 7 weeks behind and haven't handed a single assessment in on time yet) so I took time off work to try and get a handle on things, went back to work and worked a full day only to get sat down at the end of my shift and have my employment terminated. So now I have a house to pay rent on with zero income, not to mention the $500+ of stuff that comes out of my bank account EVERY week. I'm a diabetic and my control is completely out of whack so I literally feel like death all day every day. I'm not sleeping, even the pills aren't helping at the moment and I fully have no emotion regulation and spent the whole Easter long weekend being a massive bitch to my wonderful partner who lives 4 hours away and travelled here to spend time with me and was just trying to help but I'm in such a bad place that his support isn't helping right now so I just feel so awful for being such a massive waste of his time. I was trying to be all positive about everything and even accepted work at my old job which made me miserable but they've just put out the rosters for the next 3 weeks and I have like 10 hours. There's no way I can keep afloat on that kind of money and I have all kinds of stuff I'm meant to be paying at the moment and if there's no money in my account I'm scared I'm gonna get sued or garnisheed. All my "friends" are too busy with their own lives to be here for me even though everyone knows I'll always drop everything for them and just no one cares and my PTSD is playing up and I just miss my mum and every time I reach out for help it gets thrown back in my face, every appointment I have at headspace my caseworker is "sick" that day every time for the last few months and it seems like the only person who actually cares is my GP but he doesn't even live here and only works a day and a half each week and it's just exhausting. Everything is so exhausting. The harder I try, the more it all falls apart and I keep telling myself that something's gotta give but every time something does the universe just takes again ... View more

Hey @ivory and @SmileMonkey, thanks for your suggestions :) I haven't reached out to anyone different this time, but have previously used eheadspace and seen a financial counsellor too. I'm doing all the right things, it's just so hard to manage :( My work is reasonably big, we have around 160 locations. I'm not sure that we have HR - I assume we would but have never asked. Maybe I'll see what I can find out one day. ... View more

Thanks guys. I'm feeling even more crap today. I spoke to my manager about what happened with the assistant manager and basically she agrees with the AM about a lot of things but said "she will talk to her". But I was also made to feel like my job is in jeopardy if I go to this uni thing next week. If I don't go I fail the unit and I'm still financially liable for it. Can't really work part time because money. Like I'm already struggling as it it. I have $50 to my name and like $1000 of things I need to have paid by the end of the weekend so I'm totally screwed as it is. Feeling a lot like I've ruined my own like and I'm never getting anywhere. Even thought reframing exercises haven't helped because they just show that I'm right. My doctor is on his flight back to Sydney (he only works here 1.5 days) and my caseworker is on leave and I can't even get through to uni student support, I've tried calling and emailing but nothing. ... View more

Thank you @Alison5. There is probably more but I think that's the main things I'm worried about at the moment. I really appreciate you offering to be here. :) It's just hard. I feel like any self care is selfish and I don't deserve it. I'm also having trouble staying out of bed. I just have zero motivation hey. I've never seen or heard of the app before, what's it called?? Not sure how well I'd go with it but I'll give anything a try. Not from where I live currently. And even then, because I supervise a restaurant, my hours are erratic and public transport finishes hours before I do of a night sometimes ... View more

What do you think you will take away from tonight's discussion?   Oh my, oh my. Where will I start? Tonight I have learned that we are all such an amazingly resilient and self aware bunch!   The best way I can describe what I'm taking away from tonight's discussion is with this list of quotes that really resonated with me tonight. I'll probably end up paraphrasing some of these ideas and adding them to my "2017" board when I'm done with it.   "For me, writing things down or having support around me as others have suggested - I sometimes find it hard to notice when I'm being self-destructive or at least not helping myself, so keeping track of my own behaviours and having other people to bounce thoughts off has been useful in developing self-awareness" - @safari93 "I would say "Engaging with life". Which, in less wishy-washy terms, means doing things that are real and have an impact on the world around me. Not necessarily a big impact, just an impact, so I get to step outside of my headspace for a moment or two and feel like I'm contributing/doing something. That could be as simple as taking 30 minutes out of my day to catch up with friends over coffee, going for a run or doing an hour or two of volunteering at the local Vinnies, or like...actually sitting down and getting some work done. (Not that I'm particularly good at that last one...)" - @Asche "For me my biggest setbacks have resulted from a change in my perspective or attitude. So I foget all of the helpful things i've learnt and forget how far i've come and then this leads to worse feelings and may result in a relapse. They have been difficult to deal with in recovery because there are two ways to look at a relapse/setback. 1. You have overcome it before and you can do it again! 2. It keeps happening so don't bother trying." - @Alison5 "It's like recovery is like physical fitness. You don't just train every day for 6 months and go "alright I'm fit which means I can finally quit all this training!" You have to keep working out on a regular basis to maintain your fitness. Just like you have to keep implementing those strategies to stay mentally recovering." - @StarLord "It's taken me a long time to learn that relapsing doesn't mean I'm not worth the air I breathe. In the past, when I've relapsed I've always, always, blamed myself. And because I've blamed myself, I've made myself feel like I could have and, more importantly, should have, stopped myself from getting in to this position - by which logic I always decided that I deserved it. Now I think it's okay - it's natural. Literally everyone has their ups and downs; some people's may not feel as drastic as mine but they do. still. happen." - Yeah, I'm appreciating something ~I~ said, what of it?! hehe "Self-belief. Willpower. Sometimes creating physical distance. It's not always easy with that last one though." - @RevzZ Anyway, thank you all for tonight! Goodnight ... View more

Ahhhhh @Asche, I could not have worded either of those responses better if I tried! I totally, totally, totally agree with everything that you have said! ... View more

Have you been able to overcome a relapse? How were you able to do this? Overcoming relapses has never really been a definitive thing for me - like, I can pinpoint the time where I relapsed but never when I overcame it. One of the most effective ways of overcoming relapses for me has been thought reframing exercises. These help me sooo much to put everything back in to perspective and start to pick up the pieces from a breakdown. ... View more

Goodnight @letitgo! Thanks for joining in tonight ... View more

What things do you think have or could lead you to having a relapse?   I agree with everyone else, anniversaries, stressful events, negative thoughts, crises and taking on too much responsibility can, have and will lead me to relapse. ... View more

I think your insight on the importance of strategies and coping mechanisms is amazing @loves netball! And I totally agree with your positives on it! <3 ... View more