Hi everyone,
I am having some trouble dealing with friendships and want to see what other people think.
I spend a lot of time alone but don't really mind it. There have been times for sure that I have been lonely, but I think I have gotten more used to it now. The past few years I have noticed that whenever people get closer to me and start hanging out, I usually don't want to. It's not like I hate them or anything - just that I feel like we have different interests and that I often find hanging out with other people boring. I know that makes me sound like a terrible person but it's true. Whenever I'm with other people, I'm usually thinking I wish I could be reading right now or watching a show I like. I don't really like being invited to parties or dinners or lunches, but because it's rude to always turn people down, I go.
My mum wants me to go to the parties I am invited to, often saying that it's a great opportunity to meet people and expand my social network. I can see her point but I just really really dislike parties. If I am going to hang out with people, I would rather go the beach or go on a walk or go ice-skating.
I guess what I am trying to say is that I don't think the way I respond to friendships is normal. Whenever I feel like someone wants to spend time with me, my first instinct is to push them away. I don't like feeling I have a commitment to them - that I have to spend time with them on a regular basis.
The weird thing is, some sort of human survival instinct kicks in and makes me feel sad when I go a long time without talking to another person. I don't really want to spend time with other people but I feel sad anyways.
Can anyone relate to this?
